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He is very mad at me because I moved him from arizona to california into an assisted living. (A top of the line one) He hates it because he says everyone is too old. He changed the poa from me to his ex girlfriend who hates me.He is now threatening to call the police because he says i stole everything and wants to move back to arizona from california. My hands are tied.

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You did your best. If he is competent, there's not a lot more you can do. It's very sad, but unless you are willing to go to court and have him declared incompetent, you can't do a whole lot. Maybe he'll come around in time. Heartbreaking, but not uncommon.
Take care of yourself,
Carol
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I ws the power of attorney for my own mom many years before she came down with alztemiers/dementia. Once a person has been tested and proven to have dementia or mental distorder, and unable to make their own decession, they can not change a will or even change a power of attorney. I do not know of the case of your dad's health. But I know that is it not easy being the power of attorney. My own mom left the gas on one day lucky I was a regular visit to check on her and was in the bathroom. The piolt light went out and she wass just siting in a fod like manner. I removed her from the house to the back yard shut the gas off, open doors and windows and then called 911. The fire resuce was there in seconds. After her vital were checked little did I know Protective services of New York was called in. After that time I demanded a test be done. She also was not paying bills, sat up late at night until four o'clock am trying to write out checks. She would hide mail. My mom was very sick.Many years back she was informed by the lawyer who did all the legal paper work she should add my name to the house. But she thought she would never get sick and a lot of our parents do not beleive if they own a house a lien can be put on it and you can not sell the house that easy.even if you are Power of attorney, legal rep, health epoxy and only one on the will. Mom was placed in a nursing home in New York after a fall however they said her condtion of health she could not be at home any more. Well I would not listen to that one and started working on getting her out which took over two years and have her move to Florida. We had to make our own home child proof and safe for her I even made a room up for a nurse if I needed one and found a day care for acivities.It took almost one year to clean the house and sell it. I bought my mom to live with me in Florida . However the hospital did not inform myself how sick she was. The Florida resuce was called in only after five days with me. I was hit. yell at and she pasassed out on me. I was able to place her in a beautilful assisting living of which I was there all the times. The same place that was set up for day care. Even did sleep overs. She was in the hospital several times in Florida due to falls, her not listening to the docotors or nurses. They become very strong. My mom died in my own arms when everything in her little body stoped working. You may have to get with a lawyer and also speak to the staff at the nursing home ( social worker), get with elder care . Each state has its own laws, But it was very hard for me with my mom in New York who was in and out of hospitals and nursing homes for rehab, plus having nurses and others to help out. I will tell you something that may hurt there is not one place that is 100% safe only if you are there to check up on them all the time. Good luck and may god watch over you. Also remember to write down everything you have done or notice.
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If his medical records show he has dementia then you can have the revocation reversed. This is sticky and you will need an attorney who is in the county where he is a legal resident to do this for you. Otherwise you are SOL if he want to have a new POA.

My guess is that this is the pattern he has used with family forever - petty and vindictive. If this is the case, and you think he will take you to court, then please go to see an elder care attorney so you have someone at the ready to represent you. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Whatever the case, please take the time to write down a time-line of what you did and your concerns for dad (eg went to Dad's house 1/15 gas was on in kitchen; 2/1 Dad called upset that mail was being opened by neighbors; 6/10 XYZ sent letter about unpaid bill Dad refuses to pay).
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great question......im still trying to straighten a very similar situation-
long and involved, when it is a total surprise that u r removed as POA- it is like a slap in the face-no more than that- abusive- and disrespectful, mean and a disperate need to control- . it certainly doesnt show any concern about the parent involved-how is that a demonstration of what is best for your parent-frustrating and
it can destroy u-
we must take care of ourselves-try to figure what our main concerns are-
and if they are realistic--i imagine your family is like mine- and the surving ones are still
fighting old battles, hearing old tapes in our head,as we heard when we were little-
and hopefully at some point,we mature and are able to at least try to accept this is
for what it is- and that is not going to be a fair ,
there must be some way when we finially can grow into a place where all that anger
and hurt can be put in its place, and not destroy or rule the person who u are-
love and patience- cry and smash pilows- sometimes it helps, i send u millions of hugs . i know how u feel, im still trying to figure this one out- this site is the best-
these guys know from experience and are loving and gives hope,.
keep posting- love k
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In this day and age there are so many parents of baby boomers, who will not listen about What if something happens and I can't take care of myself. They are affaird someone is going to take something away from them. But when they get sick even a child or love one can not do everything to stop things from happening in life. I was proud of my mom that she did make me her power of attorney and all the other legal papers were done correctly. I followed her wishes to the end. I was able to help her out when she could not take care of herself anymore. make sure even with medicare and and bills that came in there was no over billing for doctors or medical cost. Only thing she did not due was place her paid home with my name on it. It did was a problem in the end. Once a person is found to unable to take care of themselves, if there is nothing in writing it can go to the state and many problems do come up. Some older people do not understand this. They believe since they have children it all goes to the children, that is not true. I even made sure my mom had a pre paid funeral set up. Both myself and hubby have done all this after i learned alot after taking care of my own mom.
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Pat61 - thanks so much. It's interesting to see how each state approaches all this.

The reason I asked about probate is that MERP (Medicaid Estate Reinbursement or Repayment or Recoup Program - the name varies by the state) does this through probate in most states. My mom is now on Medicaid (in TX) and upon her death MERP will file their claim in probate court. I've been executrix twice before but this was before MERP was in force, so those probates were different.

So for your mom, if I got this correct, she owed the "state" 80K (or was it $800K??) for what the state reinbursed the NH for. The 80K was whatever was the difference in what her personal resources paid (like her SS checks, annuity, whatever you all paid privately) and what the billed costs ($ 80K) - were. (Yes I know these are just so overinflated, it makes you want to scream but that's another topic...). So a lien was placed on her only tangible asset - her home. The house was owned by her free & clear and in her name only and was probably appraised at over $ 300,000K. Or was is much higher, 500K...700K?

She was admitted to the NH after 2005 or 2006, right?? - before that MERP was not required by the feds for the states to do.

Is this pretty accurate?

If you don't mind me asking, was the lien placed by the State of NY; the State of NY and the specific NH or just the NH? Or was it done by a law firm? The firm would be a contractor hired by the state to do recoup - the papers might not read that they are a state contractor. How did you find out there was a lein? Were you able to negotiate the amount "owed"?

I'm trying to figure out how states are doing MERP, what is the $ amount triggers MERP to act and the timeframe that things are done and if they negotiate. Each state does this differently. Like in TX if the house is over 500K in value, they can't go on Medicaid - the house HAS to be sold to qualify or be appraised at under 500K; while in other states $ 750K is the maximum value for the home other states have no ceiling on the home's value. In TX, MERP sends out a letter within 10 days of getting a letter from the state vital data registry to whomever is listed as the responsible party on the NH resident info sheet that MERP recoup will happen against the deceased estate. Then you have 30 - 45 days to respond with a list of whatever expenses you have spent on the deceased home with receipts. Then MERP decides whether to persue the recoup claim. It seems that if it's under 100K in recoup, no MERP.

MERP is pretty, new maybe 5 years for most states. It seems that it's only recently that states have been going after recoup. I don't know if this is due to states not having as much revenue OR states have outsourced doing this so law firms are now doing this aggressively OR just what. I'm just trying to figure this out.

Appreciate any more insight and details you can give on this. Thanks.
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Legally a person does not have to be notifed that they are no longer a POA. Morally, it would be the right thing to do. Being a POA is not an honor. It can leave you physically and emotionally drained. I know, I went from my mother's DPOA/Healthcare Proxy to Administrator of her estate. So much responsibility in just two months time and not knowing how much longer it will take to close her estate. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have never agreed to be delegated with all that responsiblity.
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I'd say "Dad, I was trying to make sure you were being taken care of, you certainly are NOT a prisoner here, so move back to Arizona if you want. I wish you well". Then please don't beat yourself up about his decision. I'm assuming he's not demented or something cause it sounds like he knows exactly what he wants and what he doesn't want. Let him go. You gave it the old college try.
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Pat61 - if you don't mind me asking but how was the house a problem?

Was it that you had to go to probate to get it transferred from her name? Did she die without a will or was the will contested? Did the property have issues of clear title left over.....like from when she owned it with your dad and he preceeded her in death? Did the house have a lein on it? I'm just curious.....thanks.
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The one thing I noticed is that you said you "moved" Dad from Arizona to Calif. Did he go willing or kicking and screaming? Was he aware of what was happening? I would assume there was packing, etc of his belongings. If he feels that he can and was living independently, why was there a POA in the first place? You must have seen something to make you feel that some help was needed and he signed the original one. And now he is threatening to call the police? Doesn't sound to me that all of Dad's cylinders are firing correctly. Is it possible to get him evaluated for some mental status changes? You may have to have an attorney intervene especially if there is an inheritance to be concerned with. An ex-girlfriend? Sounds like she may be after something. I wish you luck with this....sounds like a tough one to get through.
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