What should I do about an abusive alcoholic father that one cares about?

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What do I do about an abusive and alcoholic father that one cares about. We've been slipped, shoved, cursed at, screamed at, accused and threaten. My sisters have written him off.

My mother never wanted to leave him. In June, he threw her out of "HIS" house, throwing some of her things outside and shoving her out the door. My sister was there at the time this happen, quickly brought my mother to my house. My mother has with moderate Alzheimer now lives with me full time. (I've been dealing with him since my mother was living with him).

I don't want to care for my abusive father, yet I feel he should be cared for somehow. I've been taking him to the doctors, dealing with all his financial problems, and taking his abuse. I have Power of Attorney to deal with both parent's medical and financial matters. He lives 30 miles away, making solving problems difficult. Can social serves deal with elderly abusive alcoholic parent everyone hates? What can be done?

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Is he a veteran? They should be able to help, if he is. Otherwise, I would involve Social Services. He needs treatment for his alcoholism, but may not be willing to try. However, with trained people from the VA or Social Services (a welfare check may work), you should get some help.

He's a sick as your mother, but it's harder to deal with since his alcoholism has made so many people miserable. He's obviously miserable, too, but until he deals with it, nothing will improve. Please try to get third party help. You can't handle this alone.
Thanks for everyone who made a comment. I removed myself from my dad as much as possible. I do take him to the doctor, help him with his needs and keep my interaction to a minimum. My sisters hate him and have removed themselves from his life. He seems to understand I'm the only one who will help him, therefore he hasn't created more problems with his temper. He is actually appreciative when I do go up to help him with his needs.

Thanks- Speighja for the post about Al-Anon, it's something that I need to check in to. My father will never come between me and my husband, and our relationship is very strong. If my dad become so toxic, I will cut him out of my life as my sisters have. He will then be totally alone and be cared for by the state.

Thanks-SecretSister, Yes I do have God in my life. With spiritual help, prayer and guidance the stress and frustration have diminished in relations with my dad. I've learn to let things go and not dwell on the anger or pain he causes when I have to deal with him. Compassion is difficult to give to an abusive alcoholic, but it can be done with the grace of God.

Sending Hugs to all who responded with a caring open heart.
Thanks for the input. My dad is blind in one eye, deaf in one ear and has signs of early signs of dementia. No my dad is not a VA, nor does he feel he has a problem with alcohol. He says alcoholics are falling down drunks living on skid row, even if he drinks 6 pack of beer and several shots of hard liquor "A DAY".

He gambles and spends all of his social security on out of state FRUAD lotteries and contest. He truly believes he's won that million dollars. He doesn't want to understand they are fake and not real. (This is the cause of major financial problem).
We tried to get help, it was of no avail. We only get abused verbally with screaming rags. It's really hard dealing with him.
How do I contact social services on this matter? Do I just Google social services in my area to start?
Thanks again.
We have a similar problem.
Whenever a medical expert tells Dad to stop drinking, he'll say, "I'll drink to that!"
He has "dried out" many times. He has done many things to hurt our feelings.
He is too weak or drunk to even stand up at times. He is totally incontinent, cannot take meds by himself, rarely eats, but can drink a fifth of vodka a day.
My sister is scared to put him in a nursing home because she does not want to hurt his feelings.
It is killing her mentally and physically to take care of him.
my parents divorced when i was 8 and i didn't see much of my dad until he got old and needed me. he's 74 and stays drunk until his money runs out. my husband and i purchased a house with an attached inlaw quarters so that dad would have a comfortable place. he won't stay sober...he's making our lives hell. he's a vet...will they help me? i'm at my wits end...i need him out. my siblings are absolutely no help...they live out of state and are happy to let me deal with this nightmare. we live in new mexico...can i force him into a nursing home? i need help
My heart goes out to all of you who love those with serious problems. Growing up with alcoholic relatives, and some with varying mental illnesses (they often go together) is indeed a nightmare. The best place to start is with God. Ask him to help, and guide you, and he will. Some of the above suggestions may help as well. Since each situation is different, not knowing all the factors, will just advise you seek wise counsel, and find what works for your needs. Guard your heart, while caring for those who may not know how to treat you right. I know it's hard, so find support where you can. This forum is a great place for encouragement. Believing prayer will do wonders, as well.
Strongly recommend that you and your husband get to an Al-Anon meeting. There you will find the help you really need. Trust me on this because your dad has become a toxic personality who will not hesitate to break up your marriage if that's what it takes to maintain his place in your life without admitting that he has a serious drinking problem. Here is the link to the Al-Anon site:

I think it is always difficult with a senior alcoholic. They have likely been drinking their whole life. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I have always drunk this much." The reality is, senior or not, you cannot force someone into recovery. If your family member is being taken advantage of, however and does have dementia, you can look into conservatorship through your county. You usually have to fill out some forms detailing your concerns and then an investigator will determine if your family member meets the criteria. If you have medical power of attorney and your family member has been determined to lack "capacity," then you can sign them into a nursing facility against their wishes. This is never pleasant, but sometimes the only option for your family member's safety. Good luck!

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