My mother insists she is sick, makes up symptoms and wants to visit the doctor for attention. What can I do?

My husband was addicted to going to docs on the way home from his main docs would say had to make another appointment to see her and I would say you were just there and he would say I forgot to ask her something I had to just refuse to take him to a doc unless he seemed to be sick he just loved the attention.

My mom's just the opposite - I have to drag her to the doctor. But at home, she complains constantly that her back hurts (she's 89 and it's mild osteoporosis and arthritis), the inside of her left arm hurts (she had blood drawn at the doc's and that's the arm they used) and she coughs constantly (her lungs are clear). Every time she's at the doc's she denies all of the above and I'm the one who has to bring them up and get her checked out.....always with the same diagnosis. If I get some medications (cough syrup, etc.), she won't take them. At the last doctor appointment, the doc asked her why she keeps complaining of these things if they really don't exist or don't bother her. Mom's reply? "I just like the sympathy."

Funny. I'm the only one who gets the complaints. Whenever anyone visits or we go out, her arm doesn't bother her at all, her back is fine, and she never coughs. I swear, people think I'm crazy when I tell them what goes on here!

Have been to every kind of doctor imaginable. Then repeated same. HEALTHY! She calls and wants to go to the emergency room all the time. So frustrating as she says she is in pain yet doctors say she is fine. Will listen carefully to her. Thanks

Maybe she needs some phychological testing done. Have you tried any of those.

I'm not too familiar with them but there are a lot of people on this site that will help you. Don't give up, stay here, we're here to help you. What one cannot do, another can, and so on and so on.

In other words don't touch that dial dear.

Pamela.... well said. We do need to listen closely. Something is going on . Whether it is physical or pyschological, someone asking for help is in some type of trouble. Even it is as simple as just being lonely or as serious as early dementia. So often even experienced doctors don't recognize the symptoms of Alzheimer's or other dementias.

Luckyjoee: why not start by getting with your mother and make sure that all of her 'testing' and results are properly documented. Does she have a 'primary doctor that deals with primarily in geriatrics? Getting some baseline number/results (bloodwork, CAT, PET, MRI's etc) can help tell what her 'normal' is and if any further tests are done, can then be used to compare.

Are you her only family? Is she alone most of the day? Can she go to an adult center to feel more 'fulfilled in her daily life?" Has she recently lost her husband (your father I assume) to illness, death or divorce?

There are so many factors, but I am sure that if you talk with her doctor (and her) you may get to the root of the problem sooner. Sometimes just sitting and listening REALLY listening might solve some of her problems. I am not a doctor but it is truly amazing what you can learn if you really listen to someone. Validate their worries, ask for more specifics and see what she tells you.

I am not an expert, but like Pamela said... stay here...talk with us, there are many experts here that will answer your question. My experience has been purely on a personal basis helping my mother for the past 5 years in the middle and final stages of Alzheimer's .

God bless.

luckyjoee my mom told me she was sick for a long time. I thought the same way you're thinking. Then one day last October she had a devastating stroke.

If I were you I'd just listen a little more carefully, and watch a little more closer.

What will it hurt to take her to the Dr. for test?

I have the same problem with my father. As early dementia begins "disinhibition" can occur. Disinhibition is a medical term.
My father has disinhabition. He passes gas (on purpose), belches (on purpose), refuses to bathe, refuses too changed soiled (#2) clothing and talks incessantly about bodily functions. I urge you to research disinhibition on the internet. It is a psycological problem associated with aging.

Your Mom is too cute, jbozman. God bless her! Thanks for sharing her little adventures.

I fully understand the writer complaining about her complaining parent. Even if you feel a little bad you don't have to carry on and cry and scream to get attention. Caregivers begin to resent such behavior, as have I. Mom calls crying and says she can't drive herself to the doctor so I have to take off work spend the day taking her to doctor, shopping mall and out to lunch. Then, the next day she will drive herself to church and to visit friends as though nothing is wrong. I get that she wants and needs attention but it is like a child exhibiting negative behavior to get attention This behavior of pretending to be sick should not be rewarded.

With the husband I had to just stop taking him all the time-it took hours to get him ready and we had to wait so long for the doc-the day he said on the way home I have to make an appointment to see Dr R as we were going home from seeing her because he forgot to tell her something was the day I cut back on the doc visits-after well over 100 doc visits in 9 months that was it for me.