My mother died Jan 9/09. My father, who has vascular dementia, forgets she has passed. He asks 3x/day where she is. Is there any advice?

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My condolences on the death of your Mom. Your Father's vascular Dementia is not going to make this task any easier. He will not remember even after you tell him 50x's a day. When I first started in nursing school the education and understanding was that no matter what, we were to reorientate the confused person. It works better when that confusion is limited to the medical situation that can be corrected or resolves on it's own. When a person has dementia (whatever the cause) the brain does not retain that memory. Have you answered his question with the fact that she passed away in January? How did he respond to that? Since you say he asks 3x's a day, I'm guessing he does not remember you telling him. Try entering his world a bit. Where would your Mother be that your Father would accept and feel comfortable with? At the store? Visiting someone? Mention that to him then immediately redirect his thoughts and actions. Perhaps something like, "Mom is at the store, why don't you come help me prepare dinner." You know your Father best as to what would help him. Looking at old pictures or sharing memories may help or it may cause more distress. Try different senarios in small snippets, if it becomes stressful then redirect him to another subject or activity. is a great website and can provide more tips on how to talk to your Dad. Peace, Linda
Sorry for your loss. Your Father may need to be reminded about his wife's passing though he is asking because inner feelings of her presence are there. Put together a photo book of there years together. When he asks he may be missing her - have him look thru - he maynot remember. If the photos bring comfort then wonderful.

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