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MY DAD PASSED AWAY ALMOST 29 YEARS AGO! I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS. WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR WEDDING PLANS BECAUSE HE WAS FAR TOO SICK. WE ALL STILL MISS HIM AND MY MOM TOLD ME SHE REALLY HAS NEVER GOT OVER HIS DEATH BECAUSE HE WAS THE BEST MAN SHE HAD EVEN MET AND NO ONE COULD EVER REPLACE HIM. WE ALWAYS LISTENED TO OUR MOTHER AND LET HER DO ALL OF THE TALKING. IT MADE HER FEEL BETTER. EVENTUALLY, WE COULD TALK ABOUT HIM WITHOUT THE TEARS AND EVEN LAUGH AT THE GOOD TIMES WE SHARED. FOR CHRISTMAS, MY SON MADE A DVD OF ALL THE 8mm SILENT FILMS WE HAD. THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT MOMENTS OF MY DAD AND ALL OF OUR FAMILY WHEN WE WERE YOUNG. HE ADDED MUSIC AND WE ENJOYED WATCHING IT ON CHRISTMAS DAY. TIME HEALS AND IT WILL GET BETTER!
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I also agree with N1K2R3---I was in the same situation when my dad passed---eventually we (my Mom and I) became more accepting of the situation, shared memories, and went on with our lives. I don't think there is an easy fix for the situation-except time--as time does seem to heal things.
My condolences~and please get back to us for support. (by the way-Hospice have greif counceling)
Hap
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When my father passed on, my sisters and I didn't have time to mourn his death. At the same time we were helping my mom plan his funeral, we were also having to arrange for movers to move my mom from the farm where she and dad lived to a house "in town" Dad had bought for her a week before he died. As soon as the funeral was over we were busy packing and sorting through 60 plus years of accumulated stuff (as none of us lived in the same area as Mom and Dad did. We sisters never did mourn the loss of Dad as I think we needed to but at least we looked after Mom as he would have wanted us to do. I don't know what drastic steps you will have to take to look after your mom but I certainly emphathize with you. I hope there will be enough time for you to mourn in the way that others have suggested. Much love, lcs
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I went through this with my mom and mother in law. Take it one day at a time. You can get other people to help. I was a Bank Manager for 25 years and I can't tell you how many times I worked with the surviving spouse to show them the assets they have, how to balance a checkbook and how to handle the monthly budget. And I did this for months until they understood.
But be close and try to help if they need help. My mother in law just quit and I didn't know any better and I picked up all the pieces and she became overly dependent and I think it added to her dementia or made it progress faster. She wouldn't even order on the menu, she would just order what I was having. She is in a nursing home now but she still knows our family since we took care of her and we see her all the time.
Every case is different. My Dad died at 55 with lung cancer and it changed our entire family for a long time. But I know he is in a better place and when really in need I can feel him with me. I have no doubt I will see him again.
Cry as much as you can...and take care of yourself. You have to be well to take care of things in the future. But give her room to develop her own independence, you might be surprised!
I have a disabled son and I have come to realize that relationships aren't just to be taken for granted. We only have a certain amount of time and we should be grateful for the time we have had. In the blink of an eye, it can be all over. I have seen so many children pass but I realize that their life no matter how short made such a difference. There legacy will never be forgotten..it is never the end. I have come to the conclusion that I think passing is more beautiful than birth. People don't cry when they pass...my Dad talked for months about "going home" and he actually had a smile on his face.
God Bless and if you need anything, let me know.
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You just be there for one another. Help her get things in order. It will take time. sometimes looking at old family pictures help and talking about the good times you spent, I do not know your mom health condtion, but if she is in good health may be a little day trip or a simple drive. I spent a lot of time with my mom, I was only 23, married but no children when my dad past away I stay with her for a week..
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I agree with n1k2r3 - Share your sadness. Don't feel you have to be emotionally strong for your mom You are probably taking care of meals and other necessaries, but you don't have to hide your feelings.

I am sorry for your loss.
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You cry together and then separately. Each of you had your very own relationship with your Dad. Each of you have to deal with this loss.
As time goes by you will begin to share memories. You will always have your own private moments and think about your father.

N1K2R3
Been there, done that.
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