My mom has been a nursing home for months, but she isn't adjusting well. She goes through the day crying and hating it and more. What do I do?

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It doesn't sound like you have much choice. She is miserable because of her health issues. She needs nursing care. If the home is substandard you can try to move her, but that could backfire, too.

Ask to doctor to see if she is depressed. An antidepressant helps some people - others not. It's worth checking.

Please try to make sure she gets plenty of attention from family and friends. Also, see to it that her pain relief is adequate. Just keep assuring her you are doing all you can. This is hard for everyone.
Carol
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we moved my mom into a facility a month ago. we all live far away but my sister is there with her for the time being. question, she is actually staying in the independent apartment 24/7. mom does not seem to be adjusting, while I really appreciate my sister, maybe being there all the time is not so good? maybe mom would force herself a little more if she didn't have sis to lean on. she has short term memory loss and is scared.
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She is on depression meds, we go everyday to see her. The home is 5 star rated and we have talked to the social worker many times. No one has any real answers. They say she probably never will adjust. She just got a new roommate and already says she does not like here. I told her to give her a chance. This is very difficult to handle with the stress of family life and work.
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This sounds so much like my dad.
He says he is doing his arm exercises. He says he will do this and will participate in PT but then ..... he doesn't.
I know I do the same thing with my diet and my exercises... I WANT to do them but just do not... but if I had a "trainer" to encourage me ... surely I would LOL.

I do have to say the low does of Abilify took away my dads weepy fits and seemed to give him some energy and motivation. I would encourage you to ask the doctor to see if a low dosage could possibly help your moms mindset.

My dad was also slightly paranoid about people taking things, and having some problems with dream vs reality and the ability seems to have helped that too.

I get mad at the nursing home at times but I know I would be miserable with my dad here. I feel sorry for him and want to bring him here but I know how he can be and have to keep myself from doing something stupid and saying" okay come live with me" .... I could not even get him to the toilet in the shape he is in now.
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Talk to the social worker and see if she has any ideas.
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cmagnum, are you sure that we are not dealing with the same social worker? Mom started PT this week and now has decided that she can do it herself at home. Right! She can't even remember when she got her medicine or what it was. Today she wanted us to call the family doctor because he could let her go home. Thank heavens the nurses didn't by that one either. But I have found that of all the staff at a facility it seems that the social workers / case managers are the one who know the least about what's going on or take a personal look at each indiviual situtation. Most of my frustration over the last year as come from them. Speak directly to the staff doctor about your concerns be direct and to the point and also let the director of nursing and her nurses on each shift know what your plans, goals and reasons for your decisions concerning your mom are, this is what I have been doing. I have been polite ( alittle hard at times, when I am tired and frustrated) but at least I am starting to get everyone on the same page. I do not always have to run to the nursing home to do this sometimes I just call and ask to speak to mom's nurse on that shift. I always take time to speak with them when I visit, it's my way of of saying I am here, I am concerned about by moms care and I need you/and expect you to do your job and comunicate with me and my mom. If I think they are not directing mom in the right direction (I can tell by the way she's talking or thinking) I bring that to their attention. I guess it all comes down to comunication which at times can be difficult especially with people who are suppose to be trained to handle these problems. Continue to try, Just take it one day at a time, that's all we can or need to do for ourselves and our love ones. God Bless 7 Good Night
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Wilbur does your sister get your mom out to meet others in the facility? I could see that as being helpful, but if she's just entertaining mom alone in the apt, it's not helping your mom in my opinion. Some facilities also have "greeters" or folks who live there who help introduce new people around. Where my mom and dad moved, they had that when they moved there. See if the facility has anyone like that. I'd talk to the management to see what they suggest to get your mom integrated into the community.
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thanks, sis goes to breakfast, lunch and dinner with her. they have attended a couple of activities and enjoys them. but mom keeps saying she doesn't know how she will manage once sis leaves. I think she will be fine with some help from caregivers making sure she gets up, goes to meals and activities. I feel like it is the same as leaving a reluctant toddler at day care the first time. eventually they manage and enjoy. hard on sis and mom. I will be flying there next week and can access for myself. tough times.
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carol, thanks for your response and the kind words. hopefully things will start to get better.
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Wilbur the only other thing I'll say is that my mom has virtually no short-term memory. And she knows her memory is very bad. It impacts her ability to meet new people and interact with them and even her old friends. She can't really carry on a conversation for more than a couple of minutes because she'll ask you the same question every three minutes. So she has really quit interacting with others where she lives. Luckily my mom loves to read and is very happy being on her own. Your mom may be experiencing the fear of knowing she's not quite "right" and worrying how to be out in the world with others. If she was in assisted living instead of Independent Living, she might feel a little better, as folks there need more help?
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