Mom is 95-years-old and has short term memory. She wrote me a check for a certain amount, then two days later accused me of cashing a second check. What should I do?

1. Show her the bank records.
2. But don't expect that to resolve anything, either in the moment or permanently.
3. Realize that she is likely to forget accusing you of things, too, not just forget the stuff that would keep her from accusing you.
4. Realize that paranoia is not uncommon in the elderly.
5. Protect yourself by keeping meticulous records -- anyone handling money for another person should always do this.
6. Try not to be wounded in your heart. It's not "how can my own mother accuse me of stealing?" It's "oh my, look how whacked out her brain functioning has become."

When I first began as POA for my mother-in-law, the bank suggested that I make sure all the checks I write are the carbon copy type. My m-i-l has no short term memory, so she left all the finances to me, at the time. I on the other hand was worried because of the memory thing, so I made sure to add one other son as POA also. Although I am still the one that pays the bills, I appreciate that fact that all three brothers ( I'm married to #3) can check up on my dealings at any time, via the internet. Her memory was so bad when I first started as POA, I felt like tape recording everything she told me to do with her money. I'm thinking, 'no one is going to believe what she just told me to do'. It was scary I gotta say. An example was when, about 6 months after her husband died she decided to give all the boys $10,000 each. I tried to talk her out of it telling her to wait, but she was adamant. So, she and I went to the bank and made out 3 cashier checks. I distributed them as per ordered, but two days later I was with her and mentioned again how appreciative we were for them money. She turns to me and asks 'what money?' I nearly had a stroke. After much reminding her of what had taken place, she did remember. THANK GOD! So make sure everything you do as POA is transparent to the family, recorded somehow, and be ready to explain and remind constantly to her. I repeat myself so often now, that I have to ask normal people if I've told them that story already. ha.

They do that sort of thing all the time, I would not get upset about it. I would just reassure her that she wrote only one check and that you would not take another check, since you already got the first one. With my mom, a little humor goes a long ways. She told my sister I stole from her and then a short time later, when my sister asked what I had taken, she was outraged at the thought that I had taken anything! I can't keep up with her.

At age 95 with short term memory loss, it is surprising she is still sharp enough to write checks to you at all. I would be thankful for that much and let it go. As Pandoralou says: a little humor goes a long way. Enjoy the time you have left with her and let her feel that she is still among the living--warts and all.

My 91 blind wheelchair bound mother lives in an ALF in Florida. I live in California. She had 15,000 left in her account and a condo which I am joint tenant. We are keeping the condo, but there are costs which I am contributing. I just stopped talking to my mother 2 weeks ago at the advice of the dr. who said she will always blame me even if I am an angel, because until she accepts she has to be there and it is the best for her and it wasn't my decision, although I found it after the dr's ordered it when she broke her leg, I will never win in a telecon. I love waking up not talking to her but sending $100 for hair do and personals. Pray. I'm 64 and want to live!!! You need to too. But you may have to get her settled somewhere with supervision. You will know when you know. Love to you

Hi, I take care of my 80 year old dad who has short term memory loss also. I do all of his banking on line and the stress level for he and I has dropped. He will write a check once in a while for certain things but nothing like before. We would have such a hard time, especially when writing hospital bills.. On line banking saved us from all the hassel.

Sallysee, That may not be possible. To convince an adult child that Mom is anything but what she was 20-3- years ago is not easy. Being closer, you see the memory losses, the times of day she is better or worse, the situations that confuse her more. All the far away sister know is what Mom tells her and if moms' memory is messed up? Just make sure the other siblings are in the loop, as you are doing!! God bless!

At age 95, no one should be writing checks. Who cares for her financially?

Thanks, I do online banking as well for my mom. Pay credit cards and print up her bank statement everytime her SSN comes into the bank. My problem are the checks she writes to my niece, not knowing how much until I pull up the bank statement on line. We've talked to my niece and my sister, but they still except the money from Mom. She doesn't have that much money, but the account is building up because she's living with us now and only pays us a little each month for living here.

My mom is 93; I go over to her house every single morning to make sure that she takes her medicine, drives her to the store, the library, the doctor, or just somewhere fun sometimes. i think she does pretty well, but I notice that she does much better when its just me and her, not my siblings with their children. But her short term memory loss really bugs one of my sister. Mom will tell her that she hasn't talked to any of the other children (there are 5 of us) in months and months - when I personally help her Skype my brother in California every single Sunday at noon; my other sister calls every single morning at 8:30Am, and my other brother, who lives 3 hours away, comes up every three weeks and takes her and me to lunch at a local restaurant. The younger sister (she is somewhat of an outcast in the family) is enraged that 'no one is visiting Mom." How can I tell her to back off? This sister rarely visits, but insists that mom should go to a home. The rest of the siblings are thrilled that Mom can live in her house at age 93 and have a pleasant life. I tell the younger sister, Mom is NEVER going to be 73 again; she'll NEVER be 83 again, but for 93, yeah, she's doing good. I guess what I am asking, is how can I make a 'far away' adult child realize that our mother is normally aging?