Should I keep my mom at home or admit her to a nursing home?

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I am so tired of having Mom in my house but I feel so guilty about thinking about nursing home placement. I brought her here to live with me because of an untenable situation where she was, but I've been really regretting it.

She is rapidly declining with vascular dementia but it still very much aware of where she is and what she can no longer do. In one breath she says it's time to put her away, and in the next breath she says she doesn't want to go to a home and live without her dog, who is in fact an anchor to reality for her. She used to give me such a hard time, told people that she did things to aggravate me because she thought it was funny, which only succeeded in alienating me and shutting down emotionally toward her. Now that she is less physically and mentally able to do things she has mellowed quite a bit, but I still harbor the resentments and am basically only going through the motions taking care of her. Am I being selfish for wanting to get my life back together? How do I figure out whose needs to put first - hers with her dog, me with what I want? I know this sounds like I want someone to tell me what to do, but really I'd like some input into how others have handled similar situations and how they have worked out for you.

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Expert Answer
3930 helpful answers
Please don't feel guilty. You are not at all alone in this. I hope you browse this site and also read this article on the issue:

You are not giving up on your mother if you put her in a nursing home. You are still the advocate and caregiver. There is a breaking point for you, and you are there. Please read the article and think over your options. You do have options and you don't need guilt.

Take care of yourself, too.
Hi Carol,
My browser won't take me to the article. Is there another way to access it? Thank you for your response.
THanks, that works. I'll read it after I get finished with Mom's morning stuff.
I understand the internal struggle you are going through. Depending on the severity of your mother's health, there is the option of hiring live-in care.
Hope this all works out.


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