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I agree that as long as your dad is in good health there is no need for a doctor. I wish mine was as strong. Some older adults are also set in their ways. If anything changes with him then , I would urge him to go with you tagging along.
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How lucky for your father that you and yours sisters visit him every day. Good for you! Is there some way you could point out to your dad that you pay these regular visits because you all love him so much and that, because you love him so much, you want him to allow you to make an appointment now to go to a doctor WITH him in the new year to see what the shaking is all about. He might still benefit from some medicine the doctor could prescribe or maybe the problem could be corrected with a small operation. Who knows? If your dad knows that his daughters will go with him and that you are a united force, hopefully that will help him face his fear. He will know he won't be dealing with the doctor on his own (and the doctor will know too that here is a man who has family backing him). Good luck and I hope that when you all go to the doctor, you learn good news, not bad. But even if it is bad news, it will be easier for your dad to take if you are all there with him and can have a cry together afterwards. United you will stand.
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My father seems to have Parkinson's, but don't know for sure. He is annoyed with the shaking tremors of his head and right hand...but not enough to get checked out! Yes, I do believe fear is a big part of his reason not to go to a Dr...and Yes, he has had bad experiences when he was young...but they seem to be exagerated stories, but Fear is fear. My sisters and I don't want to try to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. We love him dearly and visit him every day.
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I saw a bumper sticker on a big RV one time that said, "We're spending our grandchildren's inheritance". Your loved one may not wish to give the American Medical Industry the opportunity to suck his estate dry postponing his death. As long as he avoids going to the doctor, the medical industry has no access to his funds. And at 83, he may be ready for death when it is ready for him. You might discuss his belief system with him to learn why he has taken the stance on this issue that he has.
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Thanks for clarifying this, gmbyacht. And I am glad that you are getting on with your life and are happy with the results. Best wishes.
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Ics - just to clarify - this is my step dad-we've called him dad for years. Sorry for the confusion. He's not my real depilated drunk dad that married the gold digger. . I just wanted to respond to the question. And yes, I have gone on with my life and am happy with the family + friends I really have.
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gmbyacht, this must be what attracted the gold digger to your dad. He is a going concern and seems to know what HE wants even if it isn't what YOU want for him. It was interesting to get this new picture of him and after seeing it, I would suggest you quit worrying about him and just get on with your own life. He is doing fine for an 85 year old!!!
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My dad is 85, He has always hated Dr's. + medications (he takes none!). But he did go, several yrs. back, after pulling his achilles tendon (3 hrs a day of tennis) and he opted for rehab - NO operations. He still plays tennis. Something else was bothering him recently (he is sharp + knows his body) and he ended up being tested positive for prostate cancer - yes he accepted treatments. p.s. he's got a couple more false teeth fr. avoiding the dentist for yrs. He recently had a siatic nerve issue from heavy lawn work.-he saw many Dr's. - with no help, the problem went away with rest. He just gave up smoking after 60+ yrs--Too expensive for him. He is fine and yes, still playing 3 hrs. of tennis a day when someone is available to play with him. Each case is individual.
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I love this refreshing story. Thank you!
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3seraphim, it sounds like your dad was best off not seeing doctors. Interesting that he thought he knew more than the doctors. Of course he didn't overall but perhaps he felt he knew his own body better than any doctor could. Do you know why he didn't trust doctors? I have a 63 year old sister who no longer has much faith in doctors either. She has had some bad experiences dealing with different types and now stays away from them probably more than she should. But it's her life. She says it's not been a bad life and she claims to be "ready to go" at any time. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.
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lcs,
My dad was 74 when he died. That may be true that he saved me from further frustration. He always thought he knew more than the doctors. He did not trust them.
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3seraphim, if your father had gone to a doctor, unless the doctor was very charismatic and your father would listen, it probably wouldn't have made any difference. You would have had to deal with trying to persuade your father to take his meds and do as the doctor said. Your father probably saved you from this frustration by just refusing to see a doctor in the first place. Did your father die relatively young?
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yes. My father did the same thing. He was of sound mind but refused to go to the doctor for the last 10 years of his life. He knew he had high cholesterol, but he refused to take prescriptions or see a doctor. I pleaded with him to go and even called Adult Protective Services to try to force him to go. They told me there was nothing I could do--that it was his choice. I believe he would have lived longer if he had medical care. He died of a heart attack in 2004. I know it's frustrating and frightening to watch. :(
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Good for your dad! My great-grandfather died at 95 without ever having seen a doctor, and his 2nd oldest daughter in her late 80s. I rarely go to a doc and am 50. I've been fortunate to have good health. Am I neglectful? Possibly. I have not had children who were depending on me, so I figured it was my call. I try to eat healthy and exercise. Likewise your dad no longer has dependents, so I think it's his call. It would be good to have the "what do I do if you're no longer able to make decisions?" talk with Dad, though. My great-grandpa had told the daughter he lived with not to take him to a doc or hospital, so she abided by that, and he died of pneumonia at home. May your dad have as peaceful a transition as he did.
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I totally agree with Nataly1 - if the man is 83 and still in good health, staying away from doctors doesn't seem to have hurt him. Unless you are concerned about something in particular about your father's health or the situation in which he lives, Dbaggaley77, I wouldn't worry; instead, maybe try to learn his secret. Has your father also avoided having his teeth and eyes checked? My father avoided dentists (after terrible experiences with one in the 1920's) and, in his later life, I imagine he had some poison seeping into his system from infected teeth but his body seemed to be able to deal with it. (Leukemia is what got him - probably caused by dealing with the chemicals he used for treating grain or spraying his grain crops for weeds. Farmers didn't realize how dangerous those chemicals were when they first came on the market). Anyway, Dbaggaley77, if your dad is happy and seems healthy at the age of 83, I would just keep a watchful eye on him but let him be at present. I don't think you could be considered a "neglectful person" doing that. It is great that you care.
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Congrats that your father is 83 and I'm assuming never needed to go to the doctor! Your dad grew up in an age where when people went to the doctor- or to the hospital, they either got well or they died. If Dad is hardy and well, there is no reason to go to the doctor....why have him sit for hours in a waiting room exposed to sick people? I'd ask Dad what it was like when he last went to the doctor some 30 years ago....and ask him why he prefers not to go.Maybe something happened with him or to another person and he just made up his mind never to go back again. If he is of sound mind you can not force him to go- it's his choice. If he eats well and has a good quality of life why should he go? Some elders believe that aches and pains come from aging and that there is nothing that any doc can do to turn back time. I would ask him though if he has a living will and health care surrogate- if not, it's time to find out what his end of life wishes are. God Bless.
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It is very common for the elderly to refuse medical care. I have worked in Long Term Care for over 27 years. Even the residents in facilities refuse care at times. A elderly person who has not needed to see a doctor in 30 years may fear finding out what is going on with his health now. Many would prefer not to know and therefore not to have to change. Unless he is having difficulties breathing, is losing a lot of weight or demonstrating other medical difficulties he most likely will not willingly go to the doctor now. If there are problems then appeal to his feelings about you instead of about him. Tell him you are concerned for him and it worries you. See if he will go to the doctor to make you feel better knowing he is well. If he is trying to stay in his home and is afraid he will have to go to a Nursing Home or Assisted Living ( I have run both kinds of facilities), let him know there are now Home Health Agencies that can help him at home to stay at home. Mostly you want him to be comfortable and pain free. That is all we can ask as we age. Good luck.
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It happenes. He may be from a family that did do doctors or couldn't and if he is in good health it wouldn't come up, he is entering an age when it is more touch and go so he may have to change that to stay mobile, level, healthy or it may be his choice to go out as un fiddled with as he came in. Or he may be scared...like when you GO to the dr you FIND out bad things so why bother? Good Luck to you with this...It may take some doing....
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It is unusual for an elderly person to have not seen a doctor in 30 years, bit is not unheard of. If your father is in relatively good health and able to care for himself maybe this is not a problem for him. If he is not able to care for himself there are legal remedies to protect him from himself.
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