Should I insist that my mother come live with us?
Mom is 91, short term memory is "going", as is her ability to walk. She lives alone in the house where Dad died 2 years ago & doesn't want to leave, but she is so lonesome for family to visit.
She pays wonderful caregivers 6 hrs./da. (expensive), but is alone too much & is beginning to be fearful at night. She doesn't sleep in her bed anymore because she can't get out by herself, so she sleeps in her reclining lift chair. (not good if the power goes out). She does have Life Line, but that doesn't work if the phone lines are down. My 2 brothers say hire more help to keep her company.
1 brother is retired, lives out of state, & is NO help at all. The other is 40 mins. away, but has a demanding job. He did well this summer going by often to help out during his vacation.
I am newly retired & am helping my husband fight his battle with cancer. We are an hour away and used to visit every Sunday, bringing dinner & occasionally staying overnight. Mom understands why things have changed & gets upset when we can't come because she loves her son-in-law. I've learned not to share too much information because it makes her cry. We used to talk on the phone daily, but it's more like 3 - 4 times a week if I have the time/energy.
Mom & Dad both lived with us for a year when Mom was 1st diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago. No problems with the living arrangements. They lived back home together for 3 more years until Dad died. Mom's cancer came back in January, just before my husband was diagnosed with cancer, also. Mom has out-lived her prognosis by 2 months so far. My husband's prognosis is also poor.
My husband was the one to suggest that we bring Mom to live with us, knowing how lonesome she is & how the situation is weighing on me. But, she doesn't want to come. She wants to stay in her own home. So does my husband.
I would appreciate any words of wisdom/advice that you might have.