I'm the primary caregiver of my father with dementia and I'm seeing behaviors that others aren't. When I take him to the doctor he is on his best behavior, so the doctor doesn't believe me. How can I get help?

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I believe my loved one has early Alzheimer's or dementia possibly a combination of both if that is possible. I am the primary caregiver and see behaviors that others do not see as I am the caregiver 24/7. My loved one has Congestive Heart Failure and COPD. I've tried talking with the Doc about this but my loved one behaves so well in the Doc's office they thing I am making up the behaviors I see at home daily. How can I find help with this issue?

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I recommend that you see a geriatric psychiatrist. And you need to find a doctor that will listen to you. Patients who are in the beginning stages of dementia can benefit immensely by the new medication and they can dramatically be helped. Find a doctor who takes you seriously. One of the facts about dementia is that social behavior like niceness can make an unwitting doctor think the patient is functioning well, when in fact it is the social pattern of niceness that makes the person seem completely normal and thoughtful, when they are not. Don't give up.
I appreciate the information and will certainly look into following up on it. The next problem is getting him to agree to see another Doc. It is a new temper tantrum every time we must follow up with someone different. He thinks every time we leave the driveway to see a Doc we are going to the "funny farm" or "the white coats" will be there and he will be taken away.
Good luck to you. His paranoia could be a symptom of other psychiatric issues too. He might just be depressed and fearful or something more serious. I didn't tell my mother when I took her to see the psychiatrist. I just told her it was to keep her blood pressure in check.
dgpipas, It's no wonder that he acts good in the doctors office if he thinks he's going to be locked up in a loony bin. Tell him he's NOT getting locked up, but there may be some meds out there to help him handle things easier. Maybe he'll let down the facade long enough so the doctor will actually see what you've been talking about. Good luck.
If the behavior at home is something that is visible to the naked eye, you might consider installing a "Nanny Cam" or "Granny Cam" to record those patterns.
Some might think this is an invasion of privacy, while others might think you are helping your loved one get treatment for the condition you observe.
Get to a geriatric specialist and have a full workup, they deal only with elderly and know about these things whereas a regular General Practitioner doesn't - believe me we went through it. Also ask if Aricept is right for your dad, we noticed a big difference after a couple weeks of being on it
You are right to suspect Alzheimer's or other dementia problem. The sooner you get competent help for your father the better and you may have to be a bit sneaky to get him there but it will be worth it to you and to him. Good luck!
I agree with the above. Get a flip camera or one easy to upload to the internet. Create a private YouTube account. Play around with the camera where it is set on shelf. Keep it there so it is just lying around. Get it going and set back on shelf. Let doctor view it online, so there is no show&tell in the doctor's office to embarrass your father. Perhaps you could arrange appt for your father, but not bring him the first time, show videos and discuss. Perhaps the doctor could Rx a trial of meds to help with the situation.
I am 24/7 caregiver to both my parents. Mom is sharp, but Dad has a dementia...they suspect frontal lobe dementia. Some days he is better than others, but when he is bad he is very bad. He is paranoid and fearful and when at the docs he puts on his best behavior also. Gets mad at me if I say the wrong thing to doc...meaning the truth about whatever. He sometimes says that he thinks other people are kookoo....doesn't seem to understand that we are ok...he is the one having a problem. We have been trying a couple different meds for dementia, but they make it worse. He has tinnatis and those dementia meds make it much worse. He thinks the doc is poisoning him, so now he isn't taking anything.
He also can't understand that he does not have incontinence...he isn't leaking. He swears he is leaking and wears the depends, pads and thinks he is wet. Doc gave him some pill to make urine bright orange...so the urine would show on his Depend...of course, there is nothing there...but he still doesn't believe it. When he is having an extremely good day...I tell him he is not incontinent and he says "oh, it's just my mind isn't it"....but then he goes back into his delusions again and doesn't know true reality anymore. The docs know the truth...his good behavior doesn't fool them. I always make sure I get a few minutes alone with his docs to tell them the truth and exactly what's going on. If your doc is being fooled, I'd get a different one.
You want to get your Dad in to see a Geriatrician. These are doctors that specialize in treating the elderly and elderly diseases, the same as Pediatricians specialize in children under a certain age. I agree with TimmyK48 who said to speak to the doctor privately. I have done this myself. My Mom puts on her best behaviour and could convince anyone who doesn't know any better that she is with it when she really is not at all with it. In my mother's case she cannot take any of the meds that could help with this condition as she is diabetic.

Good luck to you my friend.


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