trustmissy Asked September 2010

How do I talk to my mother about her mental changes and maybe being seen by the doctor for dementia?

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My 88 year old mom is showing signs of increasing dimentia. She is also in poor health and is housebound. I have been trying to get her to name me as her attorney in fact, via a durable power of attorney document. I also need suggestions on how to talk to her about her future "care" needs. She is not very receptive to this type of talk, but I am the one who will end up taking care of her and I want to know what she wants.

My mom lives in her own home, but I do all of her gardening, shopping and take care of her needs. She cannot go anywhere on her own so it is up to me to take care of things. I have 5 siblings and none of them are in the area, nor do they make much of an effort to be part of my mom's life or her care. I have asked more than once for them to just telephone her or send her a card to brighten her day, but I have had little success getting them to help. I think some of them resent me for my suggestions. It causes me to get quite sad that they don't care.

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trustmissy Sep 2010
Good advice naheaton. Thanks.
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NancyH Sep 2010
You say, "mom, we need to plan ahead for when and if you can't take care of yourself any longer. I'm going to have to make the same decision someday, it's just a fact of life. What are your thoughts as to what you do and don't want to happen?' Make it matter of fact, take out the emotional element if you can, because it IS a fact of life, and you WILL have to make these decisions someday too. Pick her brain as to what she wants & what your fears are etc. And forget the siblings, they are going to do what they want in the end anyhow. If any of them are sympathetic to your cause, take advantage of that though. Good luck.
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