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As someone who worked in a few nursing homes, I say please visit them as often as you can. The resident who never have visitors, the staff becomes their family but we don't have the time for much personal contact. Attention and touch is so important for both their mental and physical health. I always felt sorry for the residents who only had visitors on Christmas and Easter.
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When you have a loved one in a nursing home who is suffering from dementia, it is IMPERATIVE that you visit them as often as you can. They are in a strange place, there are NO memories there for them to hold on to. The nurses and CNA's are strangers as well.
One thing I can't express enough is when you have a loved one in a nursing home, ask the CNA's or nurses to roll them over, if they are not able of course, and check their body for skin ulcers (bed sores), my Dad had FOUR on his body, one of which was a stage 4. Needless to say, he passed away from sepsis. He was so sick at the end and we did not know why he started pocketing his food. It was because he had an infection in his blood from the sores.
We have a lawsuit pending on this.
TRUST ME, nursing home staff DO NOT care for your loved one like a family member would.
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Anne
Are you and your mother happy in each other's company or is this a chore ? What does nh staff say about her leaving with you?

My mom 93 is very dependent upon me - since her move to memory care in February I visit her min 3x a week usually at night after work and stay til she's asleep in bed
On Sunday I try to take her to dinner and sometimes a movie
Today I got there at 7 am gave her a shower took for lab work out for breakfast
Back to facility did jigsaw puzzles got her snacks and snuck out during her nap

My brother and sister never visit and if they did it would only be for a short time

I put myself in her shoes - I know how scared and alone she is but I'm exhausted all the time - it's getting to be too much after 9 mos
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As a former CNA, I worked at two LTC facilities. Each CNA had 10 residents on the Evening shift, dinner and bed time. 10 residents is very doable. You want to avoid places that CNA's have 15 residents as a norm. If co-worker goes home their group gets split up. As a CNA it was the best experience I had. I noticed that some residents didn't have visitors at all, some had visitors everyday/all day. We had a lady on a feeding tube, she had zero body movement and zero communication. Zero visitors..her Obituary listed at least 25 family members. All she had was staff. We would knock on her door before walking in, say hello, and we would still have a one sided conversation with her. I had great co-workers, teamwork is key. Our families in both facilities were wonderful.

My mom is now in LTC after being in Assisted Living. The staff starting with the ladies at the front desk all the way to nursing staff are friendly and helpful. They are great with the Residents. I visit Mom once a week and I stay as long as she lets me. If I get there after dinner, she tells me she's tired and ready for bed. If I get there during the day she has some activity to go to so I better go she tells me.
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Does this person look forward to your visits? Or enjoy them while you are there? If so, go as often as you can! My mom has dementia (early) but really seems to enjoy my company when I visit.
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I can only tell you about my experience. My mother has been in a nursing home (alzheimer's floor) for the past 3 months. I visit every day for about 2 1/2 hours.
It is still important to her . . . and to me. She still remembers me which helps and she can carry on a conversation, repetitive as it may be.
A friend of mine who is 59 years old is at the same home on the same floor. Although he hardly speaks anymore and walks around in a daze it still helps him to have visits on some level. It doesn't matter that he probably can't remember me, although sometimes he seems to - quality of life should not change just because you're brain isn't up to par anymore.

I am also self employed which really helps.
My advice is to make your decision dependent on what other responsibilities you have and what you feel is best for both of you. I would lean towards what is best for the loved one ;-) no matter how sad it may be.

Here's a really interesting link - http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125869707 - which validates that visits matter.
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I agree Mami. It is important that the staff see we haven't just dumped our parents off and leave them to the wind. Should that happen, and I doubt it will, but never say never, I would be there at all different times of the day and night so they wouldn't know when to expect me. That way they'd have to be on their p's and Q's.

Seems inportant to our parents that they know that we are still there for them anyway.

Again hasn't happened and I hope it doesn't, but should it, I will be there as often as possible.
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Many people make the decision for placement based upon their inability to continue care at home. It is our belief that the nursing homes have the staff to provide that care. The training is there, but the numbers of trained personnel are not. We know the individual preferences and needs of our parent, they do not. There are typically three shifts working on any given day, which means at least three different staff members must interact with our parent. The numbers of residents multiplies the demands of the staff. There is no replacement for our involvement. If we could receive the help at home at this level, we would not place them in a nursing home because we provide the love and support that only family can provide. Therefore, our presence is terribly important and that includes asking questions, and even doing things for our parent while we are visiting. Our main concern is our parent, so my attitude is to roll up my sleeves and do everything that I can for my parent. This is not any easy road, but one that must be traveled. Our insights into the improvements needed must be communicated to the state elder care where you reside. Any egregious concerns often when not addressed by the facility may respond to the media.
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Actually "I" enjoy(ed) visiting my mother as often as I could. Since it was a 180 trip for me (and I work for myself) I would travel down to see her, and then stay at my brothers (only 9 miles away) for four days at a time.

But it did surprise me how infrequently the rest of the residents got visitors. Why? didn't they have anyone? didn't anyone care about them anymore? Did they have more important things to do? Couldn't they find the time?

When I visited, I found the other 'golden girls' drawn to me and Mom like moths to a flame , and it made me feel so good that even if my mother was less than 'involved' with my visit, she would perk up when everyone else 'came to visit her too!' It was a win/win for both of us. She felt like she was having a tea party, and I felt like I was helping those that didn't get any visitors.

I was always aware of the 'facilities' schedules, and kept Mom on track there too. I never kept them from taking her to therapy, or meals, or bath times either. If she had therapy I would clean out Mom's closet, or arrange things (by day) for the nursing assistants.

I honestly can't think of many 'excuses' NOT to visit. Just wondering what kept others away. (not judging.. just wondering)
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I don't have any expertise on the various types of dementia, but it seems to me that it would vary, depending on the case. I think if you let your intuition guide you, you would know what "feels" right to you.
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