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How do you cope with a mother who at 91-years-old is starting to have more and more day-time bathroom accidents? We give frequent bathroom reminders, and help with depends/diapers. She seems so unaware at times and yet will get up several times at night herself to use the bathroom! Her bed stays dry ! She is often offended by the reminders to go and she is nearly deaf so that I have to practically shout at her . She is such a sweet and appreciative lady and I hate to embarrass her, but if I ignore the problem, my house will smell of urine and she will be wet and smelly much of the time. Any suggestions?
Thanks!

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The suggestions to add a Poise pad inside the Depend is not really a solution, but it is a common mistake. Poise pads like all incontinence pads have a moisture barrier on the back of them. These pads are made to go inside cotton underwear, and the moisture barrier keeps your underwear dry. If you put Poise in your disposable underwear then it is not going to leak in the disposable underwear but out the leg opening. Booster pads are made to go inside of the disposable underwear and can be changed before the disposable underwear needs to be changed if caught in time. Once the booster pad fills up it will leak evenly into the disposable underwear. Hope this was helpful.
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Keep her in paper panties and change them frequently. No need to discuss much.
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Yes, more than likely it is a UTI (urinary tract infection). My MIL had them a lot while she was here and I'm sure she still has them. Yes, she also has had problems with her kidneys (an inherited thing). We did the same thing with her bed and 2 chairs and couch. Even if the dr. does a test in the office and it turns out negative, request that they send it on to the lab to be tested. My MIL's test in the drs. office turned out negative and they sent it on to the lab--it came back positive. So she was put on antibiotics to clear up the infection. My MIL cared how she looked all the time, but Alzheimer's robbed her of her memory. Good luck, laurelpatrice.

Take care, Laura
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Yes, more than likely it is a UTI (urinary tract infection). My MIL had them a lot while she was here and I'm sure she still has them. Yes, she also has had problems with her kidneys (an inherited thing). We did the same thing with her bed and 2 chairs and couch. Even if the dr. does a test in the office and it turns out negative, request that they send it on to the lab to be tested. My MIL's test in the drs. office turned out negative and they sent it on to the lab--it came back positive. So she was put on antibiotics to clear up the infection. My MIL cared how she looked all the time, but Alzheimer's robbed her of her memory. Good luck, laurelpatrice.

Take care, Laura
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UTIs are so common in people with incontinent problems or otherwise poor hygiene habits. I have my mom use those peri wipes diligently every morning! I think I must be lucky that she generally follows step by step instructions without much (if any, usually) fuss.

Reminder to those of us who still have time: Do those Kegels daily!
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All i could suggest is to take a deep breath and try to relax and not to worry. It is hard not to, but our loved ones can't help it and it is not cool for them to be embarrassed. Although it's hard to, sometimes i guess you just have to smile and try to distract your relative by starting a conversation and changing the subject....
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Are a lot of doctors prescribing antibiotics as a preventative measure for bladder infections? (I personally drink cranberry juice when I feel I might be heading toward a bladder infection.)

Is the need for preventative antibiotics based on having a weakened immune system and/or another condition? Based on having tried treatments for a UTI that have failed? I'm just curious to understand; had not heard of this till now (other than antibiotics which are given to patients with certain conditions prior to having dental work, etc.)
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We use disposable external catheters ('day catheters') at night for my dad. After we found the right size, they have been working well and staying on. This was a life-saver for my mom, who had been getting up 6-8 times during the night to help my dad to the bathroom.

He normally wears pads only during the day. The catheters have also come in handy for really long car trips or appointments, once or twice a year--in this case he wears a strap around his ankle to hold the catheter apparatus.

I believe there are disposable external catheters for women, too. I don't know how practical they may or may not be.
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I don't know how your mother spends the day, but my mom watches a lot of tv, so after each program or movie it's time to get up and either go to the bathroom or get a drink. It has become a routine, since she also has regular programs she watches, and it works well for her. She now knows she has to go every two hours. Good Luck.
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Purchase the extra-absorbent\ designed for overnight adult paper panties. Put them on her round the clock. Change frequently. Don't talk about it, just do it.
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If it is a UTI that yhour Mom indeed has--there are preventive measures that you can take...one of them being a small med--called cipro---Perhaps you need to contact her PCP and see what measures to take--
I believe this is rather a common issue-and easily corrected - medically.
Best to you and your Mom
Hap
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Hi Laurel... my Mom is mostly incontinent now but I DO have to say that she wets MORE with a UTI. All of her urine tests and cultures are negative but once at the Drs, I begged him for amoxicillin to "try" because once before we used drugs. Sure enough, they worked again, the excessive wetting stopped and so did her always being "cold" it seemed and she was happier. She is now on 1 pill daily for prevention. Dont always depend on tests, and its HARD to get a test on someone that age. Hopefully you have an understanding Dr who will prescribe it just in case, to see how it goes. Good luck.
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Good idea, thanks!
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If it won't embarrass her too much, putting the disposable pee pee pads you get in the pet dept. are an easy, disposable way to get rid of accidents. You could put these over the washable pads.

My Mom is 81 and can't make it to the bathroom sometimes but at this point the poise pads and depends help. She can clean up herself for now but I know she is embarassed.

God Bless!
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Thanks all!
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Do check with her doctor to see if there is an underlying condition. My mother had a uterine prolapse that was putting pressure on her bladder, she had an operation over a year ago to correct it and they lifter her bladder at the same time. She is doing 80% better now, but at the time, since she spends most her time watching tv, she would go to the bathroom after each program and when we are out I would tell her I need to go to the ladies room and ask her to come with me. The only other thing I would suggest is talcum powder, it helps keep them dry, absorbs the smell, but can make the floor slippery. Best Wishes!
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J's suggestion about possible UT infection is very logical. I set an alarm clock for a three hour period (or what ever period appropriate) and told my wife it was time for her to go to the bathroom. After a few days she accepted this "duty calls" and we kept dry all day.
DEA
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I almost forgot. Thanks Jaye for the suggestion about a possible UT infection. We have had her checked for this before, but maybe we need to do it again.
Thanks,
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Thanks for all input and support! I guess I was just wondering how others handle this.
Yes, I already provide and assist her to wear her Depends with extra poise pads attached. We put a washable pad on all chairs and beds for her. She takes meds for several health issues including Myeloma. I know she just doesn't always have control or an awareness. I certainly don't blame her, I'll probably be in her situation someday myself. I guess I just needed to tell someone. It makes me sad, because she was always such a carefully groomed lady! I often console myself, that her memory lapse is a good thing, because if she really knew her lack of grooming she'd be so humiliated!
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a thought might be that she has developed a bladder or kidney infection... I might be worth checking out... some of those nice soft wipes for her peri area could be helpful too... again I wish you the best, take care, J
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Reminders, depends and your caring attitude....geez...I can't offer any suggestions but keep doin' what your doin'...keep that caring attitude and God given patience...good luck...I'm sorry I didn't have an answer to help
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I would get her depends and put some pads on her chair... Bless her heart she is probably really embrassed. I think that their pelvic floor muscles become weakened and we all know that gravity is NOT our friend!!!..take care J
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