I am responsible for my mom's finances and legal matters, as well as now managing her medical care. I just moved her to an assisted living facility nearer to me than her home of 40 years, which is 600 miles away from me.
I love mom (well, I love who she used to be...she's gotten demented and often mean!) and want to take good care of her, but so far it has been a huge drain on time, and a little drain on resources. I do pay for most of her needs with her money, but there are still things (like travel to and from facility, doing laundry, taking her to doc visits) that drain me a little.
Her lawyer told me that I should pay myself a salary for doing this work, and make sure to reimburse my costs.
I feel guilty taking money for doing what I always thought was the natural duty of children toward their parents, but my life is suffering to keep hers going!
For example, yesterday the ALF called me to tell me she had developed blisters on her legs underneath compression bandages that are supposed to be changed daily. That got overlooked in the chaos of settling her into the facility, even though they knew before she got there it was supposed to be done, and was written in the doc notes. So, when I got there to pick her up for the trip to urgent care, I had to re-dress her and take her to the bathroom...took me 40 minutes just to get her ready, and spent 5 hours taking her, sitting and waiting, going through the exam, dropping her back off, and straightening stuff in her apartment. Total investment in her yesterday? Seven hours! I had stuff I was supposed to do at home, and could do none of it. I was supposed to go shopping for clothing for mom (she gave all her clothes to the goodwill before I "rescued" her from her home) and couldn't do it.
I am perpetually behind because of her needs.
How do I determine what to pay myself for, and what to do simply as a loving daughter?