How do I deal with the anger and resentment I am feeling?
I am the full time caretaker for my father-in-law.Due to dysfunctional family issues, he has little contact with his two daughters and my husband works.
My fil has severe emphysema/copd and is an alcoholic. He also tells a lot of "white lies" and according to my husband has done so his entire life. It is very difficult and frustrating to try to figure out if the man is lying again or if there is some dementia.
Currently, he is on home anitbiotic iv fussion for a severe lung infection. I believe he has had for a while due to the fact he never finishes his antibiotics when prescribed. Now, I attend to his every need; medication, meals, laundry, errands, etc., He does seem to be getting a lot better,as he is not coughing and hacking as much. When I make a comment that he seems to be doing better, he denies it. When I try to offer a suggestion, such as raising the head of his bed to help with breathing and sleeping, he says it will not work. When I offer to make him a high protien breakfast to help give him energy, he says that will not work....the list is endless.Absolutely nothing I suggest to help him feel better, is taken into account.
I am beginning to strongly resent him. I don't know if he is using his disease to manipulate my sympathy or drive me crazy. I swear, I think he just likes to argue. When everything seems to be going good for him, he blurts out that he cannot breathe and I might need to call 911 in a " little bit." To just "wait".
I am a trained EMT and still read and refresh my skills when I can, so I am very well aware of when he is really in respiratory distress.
Lately, that's all my husband and I talk about ( his father ). It's as if our lives revolve around him.
Normally, I am a very caring and thoughtful person. Lately, I feel as if my stomach is in knots, lots of headaches and sleeping poorly most nights. I know the reason is anger turned inwards.
How do I cope with this? Am I expierencing burn-out?
I do a lot of gardening, exercise and eat right, so I think I am on the right path physically.....mentally, I don't know.