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It is Christmas day and I am trying so hard not to cry and just be grateful that I have my mother with me dementia and all. Jusst enough food for her to eat. I will eat ceral and smoke cigarettes! Invited to a friends house but cant leave my mother alone,dont have a car so I cant take her out too cold. She is up in her room staring at a picture of her mother and father, crying. Thats the only memory she can see because her other 2 children have not come to see her and I have no pictures. I have no life,job,money or real friends. My daughter has not ccome to take us to her house for dinner but I guess she has her own family and life. How long can I indure this? Am I gonna ever be happy? Am I ever gonna get on my feet. I cant give presents to my grandchildren but I think they understand. God has already written my path, I just hope I dont leave this worl before I see what happiness he has in store for me. I am so lonley, and my mom is too but I cant even help her get through because I cant help myself get through.

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Its hard. If I could fastforward to January I would. I even find it difficult to go to church on holidays because everywhere around me I'm surrounded by families which makes me feel more alone. My kids are out of state, my mother doesn't know what day it is, never mind a holiday and even though I've said many times to extended family that I'm alone on Christmas Eve (I spent Christmas Day with my parents), not one cousin has invited me to their home. Ok so that's my story. This year I'm going to volunteer to sing carols at a local nursing home on Christmas morning. Other than that...on the other hand, my mother is still alive. One day I know she won't be and I will probably be kicking myself I was so depressed while she was with us. Hope you found your answer to this issue. I haven't yet.
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I cared for my mother for four years, then she was in a NH for three years. An only child, I've lived alone most all my life. I live in the country and Christmas will be just me and my critters, a meal, warmth and old movies in peace and quiet. If we are caregivers or former caregivers, perhaps on Christmas day we can each pop in here and post. You are never truly alone.
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My sister moved out of state a year ago. I take the bus to her house to spend the holidays and this gives me something to look forward to. I have been accepted at a couple of senior housing complexes near where she lives; it's just a matter of time when an apartment becomes available for me, and then I will be off.
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I really care,too! Please don't feel alone. You know you can come here & cry your heart out, rant & rave, or share 30 seconds of something you found funny. I'm in a slightly different situation,yet surprising like yours . I am a professional caregiver, so I get a double whammy. Me being with people's loved one somehow gives the
family a "right" that don't have to "go through the "job" of having to visit. Now, I have made the choice, kinda, to work the holidays so I do provide goodness to these people's loved ones, but it does take me away from my own family. I have the luxury of going home after work...but rarely do they wait for me to start the festivities. I know it's a trade off, but focus on what you have....& you have the best because you have God's love and care. Bless you as you travel through this difficult time.
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It's 5 years since this thread was started by a lonely person. I hope it's gotten better for that person. Holidays can be SO hard; when it's just you, the caregiver, and the person you care for, and they are not able to go anywhere else, and often there is nowhere to go anyway. That's hard enough on a regular day, but holidays can be awful. I try to spread the word to at least give caregivers a call now and then, but especially on holidays.
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Hey editors - can you delete the post about the holidays being done away with and keep the one where I just hop on the bus to go to my sister's house in the Poconos?
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I used to not look forward to the holidays but now I do - I just purchase a ticket for the bus and hop on the bus to go to my sister's house in the Poconos where I have about a two or three day stay, and I enjoy myself to the max. It is a bummer because I cannot take my pet cat on the bus with me, and does he whine and fuss when I leave! He is always happy to see me when I get home and he just jumps right in my arms when I get home!
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Why can't the holidays be done away with? I never married nor had children, and I do not attend church as I am not interested in attending
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I understand this thread is 3 years old. If the original poster reads this, please keep us updated as to how you're doing.
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everybody is different i guess. im sitting here with a handfull of 3 inch screws and a fully charged screw gun. if somebody comes to visit me ill screw the door shut from the inside. suckers !!
merry go away, an an extended dont come back. lol
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Denise is there anyway you could reach out to someone in your community who would be willing to drive you and your mother to the local nursing home to visit other lonely elderly people on Christmas?
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Dear Denise I hope this holiday season you find happiness, love and warm embrace with your family...
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We each have our own needs and expectations and when they are not met,it can be very painful. God bless each and everyone on this thread. Thank Heaven for computers and the world that is at our fingertips!
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So many are in similar situation! My heart just breaks.
Wondering how difficult it might be, to be online tomorrow, for those who cannot gather any other way? I am so thankful for finding supportive people, this group, and having internet to get there! OTherwise, I would have let depression take me away.
All your suggestions are great! I am thankful for everyone here!
IF that is all I had, it is still more valuable than anything one could get from a store, or any food that could be eaten.
{{{hugs!}}}
Chi
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My Thanks to you, Denise. Because I am honestly smiling after reading that.
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Now you made ME cry. You made MY Christmas wish came true! It's good to know that Ted and I could help. God bless you Denise. I am so glad I came online. I'm sure tomorrow will get better. Just ask for help! God Bless
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Thankyou Mia and Ted so very much!! You both just made me really cry, but dont worry its tears of happiness. No one, I mean no one has said anything to me this holday season that has made me feel remotely the way you both have made me feel tonight. This is as close to having a family at Christmas as I can get
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Denise, I care. I have sat here all day, alone with my mom with dementia, her other children haven't called, I also have no money for anything more than the basics. It's almost a blessing that mom doesn't really know that it's christmas or that her other children or grandchildren haven't called.
I understand how you feel, and I also keep trying to tell myself that it is just another day, I also didn't expect anything other than this.
So, I officially consider you my Family for this day, and I am happy to wish you and your mom the best of wishes for the season and for the new year! My mom and i are watching TV also, and i just noticed that it might snow here tonight which is odd for this area. Have a pleasant, quiet, and warm night, and give your mom a kiss for me when she goes to sleep, Love, Ted.
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Write your concerns down. Write a letter to each and every family member on how you feel, how you wish they felt, etc. Pour your heart out on these pages, just don't mail them. You can ask them for anything, tell them anything, get it off YOUR mind. You will feel much better having done this. It may sound silly but it worked for me. Who knows one of these days, they may actually 'find' these letters and realize just what they were doing wasn't quite 'right'. who knows.. maybe one day I will send these 'letters' out!

I am no longer 'going through this ' I am on the other side. My mother passed away over 6 months ago (May 7th), may she rest in peace.

Be kind to yourself Denise, sit with your mother even if she is crying, and help her by giving her some peace knowing that there is someone there for her! It will make you feel better I assure you.

Join a FREECYCLE group (on yahoo) in your area. Ask for things that you need, look at the things that are offered, and ask for help! Check Craigslist for things that are being offered for free in your area. You will see that there are MANY people that want to help.

Check with elder services in your area for help for food and even other benefits. Keep looking. Use your computer to find things. Get coupons, enter contests that don't require any purchase.

God bless you Denise, and your mother.
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Thankyou, grandds not here they are visiting their other grandparents, but I will be ok. I have to realize tomorrow is another day and realy nothing is different then either, guess I just felt extra lonley everyone is with their family laughing and sharing gifts and food and me and mom alone with icecream and leftover baked chiken, guess we could have nothing. Thanks everyone, not trying to sound ungrateful or complaining, just feeling down,only I can make this work for us, one day at a time. Cant bake cookies, LOL plus have no cookie ingredients. we sitting watching tv and soon it will be time to go to sleep, I love all of you for responding to my cry. Only those that are going through this understands
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Sorry that you are feeling so down. But if it helps any, you are not the only one dealing with loneliness, uncaring family members etc. Despite being used now to absent siblings who never call to check on our mother, the "Holiday" season, with all the hype of "family togetherness" does multiply the hurt when you are a sole caregiver. To me, the only thing worse than spending the holiday this way is being a sole caregiver and spending it visiting your family member while they are in a nursing home. I've done that. I think Mia has good suggestions, hope you try them. When I start to feel this way, I think of others in worse situations than I am, children in foster homes without families, people with no roofs over their heads, etc and I think, if they can keep going, then I need to try also. I know when feeling this way, no suggestions sound helpful but what works for me is to stop thinking about my situation and lack of family support because it only makes me feel worse. Read, watch TV, do you bake? Can you bake cookies for the grandchildren? or for yourself and your mother? Are you or your mother into arts and crafts? Would she enjoy making or watching you make cards for your grandchildren? Wishing that the New Year brings you some support.
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Call your family.. and ASK for their help. Let them know that you want to be with them. I had the same problem with my 'family' and now that Mom has passed, I feel like I am an only child. But I don't mind. I know that what I did was right by my mother, and I sat and prayed that THEY would wake up. Not sure if they have.

God bless you... and just know that there are those of us who truly care.
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Thank you Mia, i do have the number and I will probably cal before tonight is over, its just that sometimes you sit and wonder where is your family! There should be a time when people sacrifice something for someone! Its ok, I think I knew it was gonna be this way, i just hoped it wouldnt
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I care. Please understand that although I cannot give out my phone number, The Alzheimer's Association has a 24/7 careline, who's number I can give out. 800.272.3900

Please call them... talk to them... tell them your story. There are people that care. Believe, I am one of them.
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