I am an only child and have a few friends. How do I get through the hard times after my mother and father just passed away?

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How to I get more done wthout me doing all the footwork, especially when I have never been through this. One part of family does nothing, the other does what they can...I stay in a constant state of of where, when, what? I am literakkt hainv a nervous breakdown......I need help I am dealing with their affairs, ande mine, I dont' mind, but at times, the walls are clsing in.

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You are having to handle too much change and pressure and need some mature guidance. Please see a counselor, or your spiritual leader to help you through this. You can call your local social services to get a referral for a sliding scale therapist if you have money issues.
Take care of yourself - and the rest will make more sense.
Prashworth ~ I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have a lot going on plus you are going through the grieving process....It makes it worse when you are an only child. I just said a little prayer for you that you will be OK. . If you think you are not OK...have a physical to validate that you are OK. Shock, denial, feeling angry, sad, let down, alone,frightened, exhausted etc. are all feelings often associated with the grieving process...and finally acceptance, .... then we are able to work through the changes.. I know it is terrible for you right now, but ...just keep taking baby steps and moving forward....(get a professional to help you deal with the paperwork) and soon new doors are going to open for you---- you will be stronger and more confident than ever before. It takes a while and as a previous post suggested if you think you need a counselor check with your local social services, Hospice,...or hire a coach to sort of buddy with you through the process. I think that feeling like you may crack is part of it all...the stressfulness of having to deal with so much all at once. I am so sorry ...wish I could give you a big bear hug! Try to do your work in chunks and force yourself to take time for you each day. Some things that might help are meditation, getting out of the house, do something kind for someone else, do things that will distract you from thinking so much and most importantly nurturing yourself (nice tubs baths, massage, a long walk, hugs, etc.) .Although I know you are probably feeling very alone right now....you are not alone and depending upon your faith you probably already realize that...and now is the time to rely on your faith. Our loved one who have passed are only a thought away!. You take care and stay connected with us! Love & BlessIings~ Bobbi
Prashworth - So sorry for your lose. It is a very difficult time but I think it is a positive sign that your are reaching out for help. In addition to the great advice you have gotten so far, I would like to also suggest you find a grief/bereavement support group in your area. It is good to find others who are also experiencing the lose of loved ones. I went to a group when my mom died and I have since co-facilitated a bereavement support group through a local hospice where I volunteer. The love and support of the other members can provide much comfort. Hard as it may be to believe right now, time does heal - slowly. Blessings ~ Connie
Prashworth, I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents. I'm glad you posted here for help because you really do need all the help you can get. I agree with the suggestions already posted. If you can get someone who specializes in helping you to cope and make rational decisions, and help you to see ways to go about getting others to help you, that is a must. If you have specific questions about some of the decisions you need to make and are confused, why not ask the questions here as well. Many people here have had to make some of the decisions you are facing, or perhaps they can give you suggestions that you might not be able to think of due to your overwhelmed state of being. Social services are great as far as finding out what help is available for your specific needs. One last thing, you need to find some kind of physical outlet to help you deal with the stress of the situation, when you feel the walls closing in on you. Go for a good walk, stand and close your eyes and take some deep breaths and shake your arms out, any kind of movement like this helps you to not stuff it all inside and constantly carry it around with you (like your unknowingly doing). I have feel this kind of stress also and these things help me. Keep us posted. XXOO
my only advice is to hope for a few minutes of relief to enable you to step back for a few minutes to take a breath. I would never minimize what you're going through because it is alot to handle. Deep breath, and some chanting can relax the soul.
I'm sorry
I know exactly what walls closing in feels like! I lost my husband to cancer 11 months ago and I even have gone through the death of my mom, so it can be so overwhelming. If your parents were in the care of hospice, their social working department was absolutely wonderful. I found that talking with my husband's and mom's church bereavement groups were the best ever. cjulrich is so right, support groups are so very important and do give you the comfort you so rightfully need. Just remember that you are special and deserve the best right now and should be commended for the hard work you are going through! Stay strong and keep up the good work. We are all here for you....just let us know! God bless you, Lynn
Dear Prashworth, I am so sorry about your loss. I just lost my mom and my dad less than two years ago. Definitely take time for yourself (meditate, bubble baths, find a walking partner or go yourself). Also I have found that volunteering, whether at a hospital, a hospice, even an animal shelter is good for the soul and can bring a smile to your heart. Good luck and my prayers are with you. Linda

Go to griefshare.org for support groups in your area that can help you heal. You shouldn't be going to through this alone, but you also need time for yourself to process back-to-back losses.

I've gone through a similar experience within a span of 10 months. The first was the hardest. Just when I was starting to reach acceptance and begun to move on, the 2nd loss slapped me numb 4 months later. I'd be walking down the street and blank out; as if having an out of body experience. I reached out to "friends" and some family members but was treated like a leper; others couldn't care less and kept asking what if their apartments had been taken and/or how I was planning to dispose of the property left behind. The 3rd loss, 5 months after the 2nd, sent me to therapy for PTSD. I snapped, began to lash out, and almost ended up in prison for violence I never thought I'd be capable of.

So please, let others help you. I'm here. The AgingCare family is here. Most of us might not be an only child, but it sure feels like that sometimes.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

-- Ed
Are your friends of any help? What about cousins, uncles, aunts etc.? You are probably totally exhausted and in that state, most, if not all, people need support. I am glad you are reaching out for it. That's a good sign. We are all here for you so vent, cry, complain, whatever - we will all try to help.

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