My siblings quit contacting our father after our mother's death. No one has called him in 4 months. He cries nearly every day and wishes he could die. How can I help him?

Follow
Share
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
19

Answers

Show:
At the end of the day, none of us would be here today without those who raised us, no matter what mistakes they made. I stepped up to the plate to help my foster mother who raised a number of children and was very harse and hard on us. I felt it was my duty. All of my foster siblings scurried away when she needed help dispite their promises to help so I am left alone with all the responsibility and stress. It is hard as we were not close. Tell you siblings to help not for the sake of your father but for their own sakes because they are the ones who will live with regret when he is gone because they did not stay in touch.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Your dad needs help with his grief. My perception of truck drivers is that they are not home a whole lot. Maybe some of your siblings don't feel as connected to him as you do. I don't know about that, but the man does need help with his grief over his wife's death. Four months is a long time when someone you love has died. If you perceive that he is a danger to himself (wants to actually kill himself) or to others, then please call 911. He's in situational depression and needs help.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

We really have no control of what others do or don't do. Encourage your Dad to find a grief support group. The local hospital social worker may be able to provide a list of support groups in your area. Also encourage your Dad to reach out to the other children. They may not want to call because they feel they may upset him with their grief.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When some dies in a family we all deal with death different. Some of us want to be around loved ones, some alone. There all always two sides to a story. May be with the holidays coming you make a visit, call you relatives and see what they have to say. Don't give up. Sometimes if he just a card or a picture he may change, its hard to say.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A well cared for, and obviously well-off woman stood in line at the local Wal-Mart and asked the question: " Now, is this the lower middle class or is this the upper lower class?" I personally thought it was funny, but she was serious. My first thought was, What is SHE doing HERE? Then I thought about her question. We all come from different backgrounds. Wealth and priviledge is a relative thing. We must admit that poverty is also a relative thing. The middle class is or can be relatively unequal. Is anyone shocked at the text of dmvgirl?
I can not relate to anyone who castrated hogs. I also can not relate to those who suffer from an alcoholic parent. I can not relate to those who struggle financially. I mean really struggle. Is it me, or am I in a different world?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

lcs-up untill about 4 years ago we were regarded as a perfect family-people around here are still shocked.Don't know why I'M different,I was not raised as a girly girl.I helped my dad castrate hogs-rode bulls,hauled hay-sained ponds,cut out cows-bush-hogged[you get the picture]and looked good doing it-brothers same background-same morals.I've seen my brother the lawyer change before our eyes.My other brother changed the last 15 years for whatever reason.As kids I was regarded the considerate one and the brothers the selfish ones,maybe there was sibling rivalry no one nipped in the bud.[I was the baby] Whatever the reason it is usually one that gets to do it all.My dad was the one in his family to do the caregiving and not his sister.He did not hate her for not helping,but would have appreciated it.My brothers reason for my helping was they had to make a living.His reason for not attending funeral[HE was too upset] We are all busy people we all have to make a living,some of us have more self importance than others. Jeffs family appeared close,but once he passed away they acted like a bunch of fools. I've seen it too many times.I've also seen the one doing the least amount of work wanting control of the finances.Alittle compassion goes along way.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There must be a reason why people don't feel part of the family. I come from a close-knit family but my husband does not. The reason for the difference is that my husband's father fought with most of his brothers and then abused his wife and his kids. There was no sense of family ever developed. People with no consciences aren't born that way (unless they are seriously mentally ill) so I wonder, Tennesse, why are you so different from your brother? Do you think it is because you are female and he is male? Is it because he was raised to be macho and self-interested and you were raised to be "feminine" and caring? I feel fortunate in that my husband did not insist that we raise our son to be macho and our daughter to be "girly". And now they are grown, the two of them are both - they embrace the masculine and the feminine in themselves and they both are daring but caring individuals. I wonder what made your brother is such a sh--head, as you call him?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think caregivers have enough to worry about and enough to do without having to baby their brothers and sisters.Family should pitch in without asking they should want to help.Mom and dad did not get sick and old over night. If a family member has to be called to remind them they are part of the family-something is terribly wrong-you cannot make someone care,you can't give someone a conscience.Reaping what you sow, is what the deadbeat siblings will have to deal with.Honor your father and mother-that applies to everyone.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Ok I may be a little cranky today but as for dysfunction realities, the reality was that there were 10 children, mother worked as a waitress father was a truck driver. Didn't always have alot but we always had our mother their when needed. Ended up with 6 alcholoics, myself included(genes played big role in that one) Mom was the one that helped all 6 of us drunks get our lives back. She never once left us out there to dry. Took grandchildren in when parents were to mess up to care for them. Was she a saint, no but she never treated one better then the other, it just comes down to who is an adult and who is a shameless, inconsiderate shit. Sorry but I get really tired of all the support the missing sibs can get on this site. Maybe if Mom was going to leave something for them when she is gone things might be different, but her will reads 10 kids, split 10 ways and yes I could get her to change it but hoping that if they do get something at the end it will remind them of waht they missed. Sorry for all the anger just one of those days. But Mom did say Thank you to me again this morning, who can asked for more.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I agree with alwayslearning and would only add to it that sometimes "the chosen one" cannot see the dysfunctional realities seen by their siblings.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions