How do I get my brother to help me out with expenses caring for my father?


My brother is to say the least very wealthy and Does on occasion help-but the fact is he can help more much more. I don't want to ask and start a BIG MESS I would love to have him offer but that is no lokely to happen ever. I live with and take care 24/7 my father who is a double leg amputee, has CHF,COPD and TYPE 2 DIABETIC, plus other things. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters who except fpr phone calls are not aware of the level of care my father needs. I just would love to have my brother out of the blue send me some money to take the pressure off me-ANY THOUGHTS THANK YOU!!

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There's nothing wrong with asking your brother for financial help. He can only say yes, or no. If he says no, you've lost nothing. You are a good person to be involved with caring for your Dad.
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I would love for your brother to give you money out of the blue, too, but if it hasn't happened so far, it isn't likely to happen without something changing.

The most benign explanation for siblings not pitching in is that they just don't know the extent of the care needed or what is involved in being a caregiver. The job of educating them falls to you. Not fair, I know, and not fair that you are the sole caregiver out of 6 kids, but that is the present reality.

I suggest that you start regularly updating them, maybe with a a weekly email (or get a free account and blog on something like Caring Bridge). Mention all the appointments you've taken Dad to, whether he is eating well, sleeping well, etc this week, how his blood sugar numbers are doing, whether he is having chf syptoms, etc. Let them get a picture of what his life (and yours) is like. DO NOT be at all accusatory or complaining or whining about how much work you do. Just present the picture very matter-of-factly. This is what our week was like.

As for finances, what is that situation like? What income and assets does Dad have? Is he on Medicaid? Would he need to be in order to afford to bring in outside help? Would he need that to go to NH, if that is appropriate in the future? Rather than count on any sibling, you need to assess Dad's financial situation first. Can he afford to pay you for caregiving services? Can he afford to pay for respite care so you can take vacations? Can he bring in someone to bathe him twice a week, or a nurse to take his vital signs and manage his pills, etc? What do you need more money for? Does Dad have the assets to provide that money?

If not, then look into what you will have to do to get him qualified for the services he needs.

Keep your siblings updated about the financial situation in your weekly messages. Do not ask for their money. Just explain Dad's financial situation, and what you are doing about it.

Your siblings can't act on what they don't know. Of course, they might not act on anything even if they know it full well. There are plenty of jerks in the world. But they should be given the opportunity to understand the situation.

Whew! Caregiving is already overwhelming, and here I am suggesting you take on the additional role of Educator. Sorry. I just think it is the right thing to do, and that it might help.
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This happened to my mother-in-law regarding her father, with two other siblings who left her the bulk of the care (and one was retired and a nurse), until my wonderful father-in-law called a family meeting and brokered the even split of care and contribution from each sibling. Eventually, her brother found a wonderful nursing home when Grandpa needed more care, and all were on the same page about it. Don't shoulder all of the care. If you don't have a mediator, then call the meeting yourself or with a senior social worker, and get the help that you and your father need. You both deserve it!;)
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First off let me say what a wonderful daughter you are! Your situation is normal.
Almost all families are like this. There is always one who steps up to the plate and the rest don't. Have you asked your siblings for help? Ask them to come over and spell you for awhile. Say, every Monday from 2pm - 6pm to start and than up the days and time.
Sometimes siblings don't step forward because we don't ask. And they will never know how difficult your dads care is if they never have to care for him.
As far as $ from the rich brother, well if your not gonna ask than maybe a prayer will help. Rich people stay rich by not handing money out.
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