september21 Asked September 2009

Are feelings of impatience or frustration normal with caregiving?

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EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack Sep 2009
Absolutely! You will find yourself grieving for yourself and also grieving for the elders. There's also fear, because on some level we all know that this could be us one day. Watching the aging process can be scary.

Taken together, the frustrations you feel for the loss of some of your own independence (because of more people needing you), plus the grief you feel watching the decline of your elders, is enough to make anyone frustrated and impatient. You are very normal.

We'd all love to be so special we never had these negative feelings, but feelings are just feelings. There's nothing bad about them.

Try to take care of yourself the best you can, let yourself cry and complain to someone who will listen without judgment, and recognize how hard it is to watch your parents' decline.

Carol
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pgscott Sep 2009
I am taking care of 2 elders, my mom and my mother-in-law. The other day I sobbed to my friend and said some things that I would never have imagined could come from lips regarding my frustration and impatience. I feel as though the life I had with my husband(he's an only child) and 3 kids is gone...and the truth is it is gone for now. So, yes, I think it's very normal and you should acknowledge your feelings. Allow yourself a good sigh or cry once in a while.
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An entire range of feelings is entirely normal for anyone who is not living in denial. Life's challenges sometimes hurt and can be exhausting, in particular caregiving. We are human and feelings are healthy as a signal to us that we need to seek balance, downtime, and, ultimately accept those things which are beyond our control. Remember the Serenity Prayer? It is so true. Don't be hard on yourself. You are just being honest and entirely human.
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lisam Sep 2009
Yes, I believe your feelings are real as it is very difficult. I am going through the same emotions myself.
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