anonymous51973 Asked June 2011

Why do I feel guilty placing my mom in a skilled nursing home when the doctor made the decision?

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I did not make the decision but I feel Guilty? Is this common and will pass or what can help me feel like it was for her best and good faciltiy. What can I do?

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springrobin Jun 2011
naheaton, you are so right. The hardest thing for me is to see the person my mom is now, compared to the vibrant, talkative, funny person she used to be. Now she doesn't talk much and just wants to be left alone to sleep. She says that she doesn't have anything to talk about any more. So sad and so depressing. But what can you do? I'm mad at God right now because of it all. It is so unfair. Irrational? Maybe. But that is how I feel right now.
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NancyH Jun 2011
Dlb, are you feeling guilty because you think you did something wrong, or are you just feeling bad that it's come to this. I'm thinking when it was me, I really felt sad that what was once a vibrant life had faded to the point of never going home again.
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If you have done what your doctor feels is needed, you been the caregiver your mother needs. If we all think back to our childhoods, I bet we can all recite a long list of things that our parents did because we needed to have them done. I hated summer camp, but I made friends and learned new skills, for example. As caregivers, we do things because of love just as our parents did tough things out of love for us. Please,please don't carry the guilt. Give your mother and yourself the joy of your visits when you can see her. You are in my prayers.
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springrobin Jun 2011
Honey, I am where you are right now. I had to put my mom in skilled nursing about six weeks ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. You have nothing to feel guilty about, nor do I. We loved our moms enough to want them taken good care of in a situation we are not equipped for. Please be kind to yourself, and go visit her when you can, but not every day. It will be harder for her to get accustomed to new surroundings if you're there all the time. God bless you. ((((hugs))))
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cmagnum Jun 2011
Sounds like anticipation guilt. Has your mom blamed you for things in the past that were not your fault to help her either feel better or avoid facing reality?
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