What can I do about my parent's dirty house when they refuse to let me clean? - AgingCare.com

What can I do about my parent's dirty house when they refuse to let me clean?

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Both of my parents are in need of care. My mother, who has been unstable for years, had a traumatic brain injury 2 years ago. She is 81. My father, who has functioned as a much younger person, is 84. He had major back surgery in November and has just had a stroke. My major concern is the state of their house which is almost two hundred years old and very large. It is filled with boxes and gets worse each day. My other siblings become angry when I mention it although they agree that the house is in bad shape. It appears to be an illness with my mother. They are in a rural area but the EMTs expressed concern when they came to transport my father to the hospital. I am the child that lives closest to them and I want to clean up the house. My mother fights me every step of the way. This is not how she kept a house when I was a child. Two of my siblings tell me not to "cross her" but I do not want my father to return to such an unsafe environment after rehab. My parents are not wealthy but they have plenty of resources. What can I do to help this situation? Do EMTs report situations such as this to social services?

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-Themiddlekid, I am sorry but what I wanted to say was "I have spoke with social workers and they have really NOT been much help.
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Hi Cleaningup1
Glad to hear the social worker was helpful! Any good tips you can pass on to the rest of us, to help us communicate with our parents on topics like this? I know Mom feels like the "you're my child and you're telling me to do-----fill in the blank" when we talk to her about it. She seems to take great offense to anyone offering to do any cleaning up (haven't even tried for a cleaning OUT suggestion yet). Would be happy with any suggestions!! :o)
Thanks!
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-Themiddlekid, thank you for your advice, I have spoke with social workers and they have really been much help, my parents are not in need of a welfare check, they are in need of someone besides a family member to talk to them and help them see the correct way comimg from me is more like...you are my son why are you telling me what/ how to do things, I am your mother.
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You might want to talk to a counselor or social worker about your Mom. They may have some useful ideas or know of some resources for you. I know you can ask for a "welfare check" to be done on a person, but I don't know what the requirements are for doing that. The local police station can tell you that. It's sure hard to see our parents having these problems. My heart goes out to everyone going through hard times. Keep a happy thought and a prayer in your heart.!
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RLP: Did you know that "hoarding" is a form of mental illness? I know it must fall under the category of one of the obsessive-compulsive illnesses. I don't know which one. Do not get judgemental or angry. It is what it is. You're on the right track by trying to "clean it up". Selling or gifting some of the things is a good start.
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At the same time I am reading this I am going through the same, my father has been transfer to a VA rehab center and my mother now does not want to leave her house. --Let me go back, the house at this time it is full of cats phesis all over the carpet so it was reported. EMT came to the house and took my father since he is 100% disable to VA. DCF was contacted and was ask to help with the cleaning of the house however they mention we need to clean it first before they would be able to come in and help ( the house is so bad that my mother was not aloud to stay there so I took her home with me, the next day I ask her to go over the house with me to start cleaning. I had to step out to pick up lunch and since then (3 days ) she does not want tot returned back to my home with me, she says she is cleaning the house and does not want anyone to do it for her. I have offer to help her clean the house since this started some time back, and now I go to the house everyday just to see if she allow me in the house to help. I have tried to do the right thing by helping, by cleaning some the house my self, contacting people but nothing is helping...if anyone knows any other way please please let me know, I do not know what else to do.
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I'm dealing with this very situation too. My 11 siblings, some of who see the problem, but won;'t help, others who are enabling it. Two of the grandchildren live with my mother, both in their 20's. They are making a bad situation awful by adding to the disaster. One of them refuses to do ANYTHING to help! The house is disgusting. I don't know how to get through to my sibling, nieces and nephews that this has to stop NOW!
I tried to get them to come clean with me while my mother was at the hospital, but got no help from anyone but my daughter and a little from the niece who lives with her. What can I do????
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lhardebeck, you are funny!
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Don't go!!!! She must have RADAR!
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funny, we really need a sense of humor in this life!!!
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