I know it’s only going to get worse but my elder grandmother is driving us CRAZY, what should I do?

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I really don't know how to start this out, but I'll just begin with details. My grandmother will be turning 89 within the month and she has had Alzheimer's for the past 3 years but during the last year, it has got incredibly worse. My father, who is her primary caregiver has been staying with her non stop for the past few years. She used to be able to stay by herself during the day that way my dad could go to work, but now, she can't even stand to be in a room by herself let alone dad leaving her for a few hours. So he has been without a job for several months, instead he has to sit here and basically be aggravated by his mother 24/7 and it has driven him crazy. She doesn't remember a thing, it's like we have to answer the same questions over and over again or tell her the same things throughout the course of the day. I have been living here at my grandma's for the past 3 months because I had a motorcycle accident which my foot had to be amputated so I've been here taking it all in myself along with the other worries in my life. Honestly, it's even making me go crazy, I seem to be on the edge all the time and ready to blow off on anybody. But you have to understand my grandmother, she has always been hard headed and stubborn. Now it's even worse, trust me, we try to be good to her and we are but she pushes your buttons with the constant nagging and doesn't even realize she's doing it. She doesn't even think she is at her house (she's lived here 30 years) and every other night she doesn't even remember who we are. She goes around the house shutting doors, unplugging stuff, turning stuff off, and we tell her to leave it alone but it just doesn't help, her brain just wont let her remember it. Like I mentioned before, my dad is going insane. Mind you, my father has always had a temper but within the past year his temper is like a stick of dynamite ready to explode. He gets p'd off and calls my mamaw a b*tch and tells her he hopes she dies or he hopes he dies first. He doesn't mean it he's just mad but he even says this stuff in front of me and it just depresses me. I tell him to stop and try to explain to him that she can't remember anything but his excuse is 'I havent had a life in 4 years' which I can't argue with that because he has not. But don't get me wrong, my Dad is a great person, he's here to take care of and he does, he's good to her...until she starts talking out of her head. And she gets mean, and her smart attitude comes out just to p* you off even more especially when your trying to help her like get something to eat or make her something to eat an she says she aint hungry or she just ate and us knowing that she hasn't ate a thing. A nursing home is out of the question because she wouldn't survive without us. I've tried to explain this situation the best I can and Im sure i've left out a bunch of details and other things but hopefully someone here can enlighten me on this subject and how to help. I know that the problem is just going to get worse but is there anything that can be done?

Answers 1 to 5 of 5
What meds is she on? The Dr. can prescribe a med for agression and 1 for depression. If you get her on these meds she will probably sleep a lot the first 3 or 4 weeks, and her voice may be slurring, and she may walk differently like small kind of shuffling steps, this too will improve so DON'T stop the meds--the side affects will level out. Then she will be more calm and back to a normal pattern of life. Also when she gets very arguementive and combative she could have a urinary track infection, it will cause a lot of anger and even agressive fighting they don't even realize it. You can get a UTI test kit @ Walmart, Walgreens, etc. If it is positive and she has a regular Dr. they will usually phone in an antibotic. GOD bless you and your Dad on your caregiving jounery. I'm sorry, I know there are spelling typo's but my brain is not working well today, my Mother-in- law whom I cared for with alzheimers died 2 days ago.
Rethink the nursing home idea. I worked in them and alot of families worried about their family member making it, but they did. It is a difficult decision to make, but each one of you deserves to have a better life, not just Grandma. You might just be surprised at how much she'll like it. She'll have people her own age to be with and you all can visit her and enjoy it knowing that none of you are stuck in a miserable life. Maybe Dad can go visit some places in your area and get a better idea of your choices. I sure hope it gets better for all of you. Karen
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I also think it's time for grandma to move into either a nursing home, or asst. living with alzheimer's unit attached. Don't wait till your dad finally blows a gasket, takes a gun and kills all of you. Stranger things have happened when people are pushed to their limit.
i agree sometimes they treat their family the worst- u guys cant live like this anymore- my mom is quiet- doesnt talk-laughs at americas funniest videos - and two and a half men- and its hard on us- to take care of her- so u guys have done ur best and need to move her- it wont hurt the staffs feeling s if shes mean cuz shes not their mother or grandmother
It's been almost six years since this thread was started and I hope you're okay. I am living the life your dad is, 89 yo grandmother who seems to make it her mission in life to drive me batty. I've been here for three years and watched my uncle, her previous care-giver die of pancreatic cancer before I took over. I have to wonder what it is about her that's keeping her alive. We can't get her to eat anything but sugar and that's the least of our worries. I don't mean to make less of your situation by telling my own, only to say that it isn't just you. Godspeed, unknown brother-in-crisis.

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