My elderly father steals from me. He is driving my finance and I apart, what can I do about it?

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What can i do abut my elderly father that lives with me and my fiance and is driving us apart. He does get pension, we do not ask him one cent of his money, still my father does not come out with his money, now he is stealling from my fiance to by smokes etc. I am gonna loose my fiance if my father contiues to treat and demand from him and carries on as if he is the king in my house.

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You have to have a talk with your fiancee and I presume that he knows about your father's condition. When people grow old, they sometimes get lonely and perhaps this is his way to getting some attention, by doing something that would attrack your attention. It is a very complicated world that we live in today and sometimes it requires us to make sacrifices, too much, sometimes, but at the end of the day, if it is worthwhile, why not? Your fiancee has to work with you on this. Is he going to be giving you problems, when problems come, or is he going to be a helpmate and not a help yourself mate. Sit your father down and have a good heart to heart, you might just be surprised.
Goodluck and God bless
aew2004
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BOUNDARIES!!!! Set them and he needs to chip in with the expenses. You would do this with any roommate1
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time to re-group. First, you have to establish who is the boss. If you are going to allow your father to be the boss, then so be it. If not, you have to put your foot DOWN and let him know what is going on. You have to be one step ahead of him all the time.
Second, perfect time to learn that when there is a crisis a relationship is either strenghtened or weakened. Time to have a real talk with fiance and learn to work as a team. If you can't do it now, don't get married.
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Heide

It's all very difficult and there isn't an easy solution, except I agree that you do not want to loose your fiancée. The best thing I did for myself and my family is placing my mother in assisted living. That's easier said than done and I know that a lot of individuals enjoy having their parents living with them and financially it may not be possible. I live in Utah and was able to connect with an organization on line. I was then contacted by a local individual who was able to help me make some healthy decisions on my mom's behalf. I believe this might be a good option for you and your fiancée. Good Luck to you.
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Has he given you durable and medical power of atty?

Have you taken him to a doctor (neurologist) for testing concerning how mentally competent he is?


When he came to live with you in your house, what sort of things did ya'll agree to about money? Who pays for his medical bills, etc?

Sorry if I sound nosey, but these are a few questions that pop into my head.
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does your father have alz ?? my mother in law would stand in front of my closet and look for something she likes and would take off to her room and hides them . i had to keep my bdrm door lock to keep herout .
you should start handing your hands out and say dad i need some money to go buy grocries or pay this light bill and to buy him smokes,, if he refuses then you should tell him he s going to nursing home because you cant afford takein care of someone who doesnt want to help but steal . that will wake him up .
i had to treat the elders like theyre a child . and he would call me the boss lady , oh here comes theboss lady . i just smile and say yes i am the boss lady and laugh out loud .
my motherin law doesnt live with me , she lives with her son , thank godness cuz i would not be able to take care of her the way she does and acts . in fact i dont think i can do it .
my father he doesnt do that , allhe wants to do is watch tv and sleep oh yes eat too . he s easy to take care of .
he used to have money in his pocket but since dementia took over i tookover his money and cary them around inmy purse . once in a great while he gets upset says i have no money and i would whip out his billfold and handed it overto him . that made him feel better . theni take it back after he s done looking thru his billfold . he is 86 yrs old .
how old is ur dad and does he have alz or dementia ?? if he does then you will have to start handin your hands out ... you be the boss lady , :-)
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