My mother wants to do nothing but lie around in bed all day, watch TV and sleep. I don't think it's healthy, but should I just let her be?

Well it seems to me you have done all you can I learned the hard way you can only do what you can both my husband and his Mother were both so wrapped up in themselves niether of them had any friends when each of them passed it got so I did not want to visit my husband in rehab and you are ahead of the game by not getting upset by it around here people say it is what it is any you will not be able to change her at this point- it really amazes me how different older people are my one grandmother lived to be 102 and the other 96 and they were both very active until they both passed and my MIL was OLD at 57 and people at my senior center whom I sew cancer pads with are in their 90's- some others in their 70's and 80's and are very active and others sit around moaning and groaning I probably have not been very helpful but did learn a lot along the way caring for the husband who passed almost 5 months ago-I use to get so stressed by his behaivor and so upset and really could not change a thing-I just went out when I could and made a life for myself and try noy yo get too upset by him-easier said now then done at the time. take care dear lady.

I have a mother that does nothing but lie in bed all day and get up to eat. If my father, who is 87, wants to do something, she says she is not well and can not go. She makes him cancel outings that he has arranged. She complains constantly that she is not well, and if you have something wrong with you, she's had it worse and more. She's been like this since I was quite young. She would lie in bed until we came home from school at 4:00 and then would have to get her up.
My mother has slept her life away and is dragging my father down health wise. He believes every lie she tells him about her health and has on many occasions checked on the internet for symptoms before going to the doctor's with her self diagnosis.
There is no helping her because she wants to be sick for the attention. She is slowly killing herself by sleeping her life away. I'm sure she will pass in her sleep from a heart attack.

well 195Austin, my mom is 78 and lives with me. She hardly eats, won't fix a meal or even a sandwich for herself most times. She will eat dinner when we all sit and eat. I believe she's depressed, but trying to discuss it with her is like starting WWW 3, and that is more stress than is healthy for me right now. Yes I've tried to get her interested in different things, including decorating her room, and her knitting that she's always loved so much, to no avail. I also had someone come over and offer different activities for her to attend, and she declined. The only thing she will do is from time to time come out into the living room and work on a puzzle that I have on the table. She doesn't get much done on it and spends much of her time grunting, groaning and complaining.

Has she experienced a recent loss of a spouse or close relationship? My mom was depressed after her boyfriend died of a stroke last year. She was depressed and didn't want to do anything except sit in her lounge chair. She gradually came out of it after increasing the antidepressant medication. However, she still was weak and not getting out enough, then she fell two months agao several times in the apartment and had to go to the nursing home. Now she is more anry than depressed at having to be in the nursing home, but I have done this for five years and need to get on with my life.

It depends on her age and her health is she taking her meds. and if she lives alone does she eat meals it depends if she is 69 or 99 or if she is depressed I assume she lives with you have you tried to get her interested in activities and she has no interest in them when my husband was in rehab he did not avail himself to any of the many activities at either nursing home he was in and only wanted to watch TV all day when he was not in PT. If you could give more information I am sure the great caregivers here would be glad to offer how they handled this.

my mom is the same way. lays in the bed all day. eats nothing but bluebell ice cream. weighs 215 lbs. does not get dressed unless greatchildren are going to visit which is maybe every 10 days. i have talked to her dr. social worker, home health. she is on lots of medication, xanax, methadone, seroquel, lexapro, ambien and guess what after 3 years of trying everything that i know my mother has turned on me. accused me of abuse. my 2 daughters have turned on me, they believe my mother, her doctor after all that i have done and tried to do believes my mother is ok, just depressed and has turned me into adult protective for abuse. i told her we needed to look at nursing homes, that is verbal abuse, and i took phone out of her room for 5 minutes because she could not remember who called and when her doctors appointments were, she pushes alert button screaming help she is hurting me, my 2 dauthers rush down, get my mother and give me 3 days to move out. i have given 3 years of caring for my mother. given up my career, health insurance and i am now an emotional basket case. it has been the most trying time of my life and the only thing i can do is stay away and i know there will be a crisis soon with my mother and i can say that this time i will not be available as hard and cruel as that sounds. i have to take care of me.

and now last week my 30 year old son was diagnosed with cancer. he is married and has 3 small children and i am so tired i am just now pray that god will give me the courage and strength to be there for him and his family. which i know that i can and i will. i was ready to get back in the workforce and have time for myself but god has a different plan. please pray for me and my son and i will life each of you also in prayer, for without prayer and faith it is impossible. take care all. carol

I don't know. My mom LOVES her bed. I don't think she is depressed so much as she's comfortable and feels safe. I think it depends on their overall health. If your mother is pretty healthy, I don't think she is living as full a life as she should. She may be depressed. I know that my mom misses my dad so much and it has been 4 years since he died. I've learned this much. Being elderly is hard and it's hard to know when to push them to do something and when not to.

hi reba ,
my mother passed away due to cancer when i was 25 years old , she wanted to go meet her master and didnt want no treatments , she was only 64 when she died . bless her heart ,
yes i am going to keep on carin for dad cuz he is the only parent i have left . he s a sweet heart . im 47 yrs old and my back is not no sweet heart . back ache like a tooth ache by liftin him to recliner to the wheel chair and to bathroom and so forth . bless his heart he tries so hard to help me so my back wouldnt hurt , he fears going back to nursing home if my back goes then he would have to go to nursing home .
he tries so hard to help me and my back . today my back feels better . wink ...

I'm grateful to see so many people here are experiencing the same thing I am: caring for an elderly parent who's mired in depression. My 71 year old father underwent a very serious operation 1 year ago and recovery has been slow. He's regained much of his mobility but constantly complains about his shortness-of-breath, physical limitations and upcoming dialysis sessions. He's a wonderful man, but he's often held captive by his own fears and frustrations, paranoia (worries all the time about our safety, as he's not as strong as he was before), past regrets and of course the big commitment required for constant dialysis (no travelling, loneliness). It's so true what people here have said; you can't really bring anyone out of their depression. My father REFUSES to come out of it, no matter what I try to involve him with. He's convinced it's the end of the world for him, and as much as my mother and I try to convince him we should consider ourselves lucky we still have him, he won't listen ... or at least, won't listen for long. Sigh. I suppose the only thing I can really do is move on with my life and not let it crash my own ambitions.

Let her be. Enjoy the TV with her and bring her some great snacks. She may not be "depressed", she's old!
Lay off the Prozac.