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being demanding to my mom backfired and so did offering to help...I think she gets confused as to what she needs to do when a sponge bath is required. Just recently had mom move in so am still learning the ropes
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well I have some that I used on dad mother refuses to use anything that she remotely thinks was used on dad as she thinks thats what gave him his stroke he was much easier to care for than her and we don't have the issue of going out she never wats to go anywhere I suggested to her doc she was depressed since dad died and I am sure she is He prescribed something for her and she said I'm not depressed and through them away???
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There are waterless cleansers that professionals use, but anyone can buy at a medical supplie stores. There is a good one that pumps out as foam I have used when my mom needs to freshen up and won't take a bath. All it takes is a warm damp washcloth and the foam - - try it. It takes some of the pressure off the "bath issue". It also is good if there is an accident, so if you keep some in your bag when you go out it is easier to deal with in a public restroom.
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I had to set up a regular shower with a CNA to help mom with her showers. She tried to wash up at the sink the rest of the time, but it was causing her to lose her balance and fall. Then she started falling just walking around with her walker and ended up in the nursing home. Mom really wanted to take showers and baths, but her back hurt so bad and she got so tired out after taking showers that she did not want to do it. The CNA had a way of showering her that did not cause her pain and she did not have to stand up a lot, and I really appreciate the help that she gave us. It might cost you so money, but it is worth it to get her to shower at leats twice a week.
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well we went to the expense to put in a new user friendly bathroom for mom and I decorated it in her favorite color not mine and it made no difference she acts like she is a guest and has nothing to do with us unless she needs me to stop and pick something up for her ??? so be it
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I struggle with getting my mom to shower as well. If I suggest it, she either gets offended or gives a lame excuse as to why she won't get cleaned up. However, she will shower on the days she knows she has a doctors appointment. So I know she's aware enough to know the importance of cleanliness. Its just another one of the struggles here at the homestead that causes undue stress. Maybe I'll try the calendar idea and see if it works.
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My mother has not had a shower/bathe in over a year and a half she does however keep herself clean by "sponge bathing" so far it works but she is so stubborn she refuses to do anything or go anywhere unless its to the doctor or shopping. She will not go to church with me or any other place. She can do her own laundry and put an occassional dish in the dishwasher I did ask her to dust the house once a week but she only dusts her room she will not do anything that she doesn't want to do??
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When my Mom couldn't bathe herself anymore we went through some moments. I couldn't get her to shower, she was starting to get ripe and I was grossed out.
I went into her room where she was laying in bed and said, c'mon, let's take a shower. No, no, leave me alone. Sure you don't want a shower? she didn't want a shower so I got the Febreeze and gave her a light misting. After the initial OMG she thought it was funny and we both ended up laughing. the next day I went in and said, how about a shower and she actually popped up and we had a shower.
In the beginning of bathing her I would get into the shower with her and give her a good scrub. What I learned that if she felt better, she looked forward to it.
I installed a handheld shower massager and I work all of her sore spots while she's in the shower and then when she's out and clean and shiny I rub Aspercreme into her back.
the shower has become healing time and feel better time so she's all for it.
As far as her hair is concerned, I have the 'beauty salon' all set up in the bathroom. I've learned how to cut and style her hair and she likes it better than going out to a commercial place.
I know that when they're being mean to you it's hard. I've worked hard on my Mom so she would be easy to take care of so when the time comes for her to have to go to a facility (we are making those arrangements now) she will be used to others touching her and not freak out.

Good luck.
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I have my youngest s-i-l come over on Fridays and help give her a shower. If she can't make it, then either my 2nd oldest s-i-l or I help give her a shower. When I wake her up in the morning and tell her it's shower day, she tell me that she doesn't need a shower. Her reasoning is either she took one or she doesn't need one. I disagree with her and tell her that her daughter is on her way to help give her a shower. That seems to work.
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I tried making it a weekly thing but she weasels out of it - she is too tried, she'll do it tomorrow. I am having to get creative sometimes. On the other hand, she does wash at the sink so it doesn't get as bad as it could I guess.

PCVS
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What about trying something like a wipe warmer and disposable cloths?
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I sit with my husband's 87 year old grandmother. For about a year she would not shower no matter what I did to get her to. Early this year she was hospitilized due to a mini stroke. Before I left the hospital with her, I got the doctor to get her signed up on home health. Now a nurse aide comes out twice a week and gets her to shower. Sometimes it take someone outside the family to help with a situation like this. She fusses a little with the nurse aide but she goes willingly to the bathroom with her. Now I like to point out that if your mother is on medicare it will pay for 2 shower visits by the nurse aide.
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My m-i-l lives with us and I am her primary caregiver. I have it set up where my younger s-i-l comes in and gives her a bath on Friday mornings. If she can't come on Thursday evenings or Friday mornings, she gives me advance notice most of the time and I can give it to her. Sometimes, if my older s-i-l has her overnight--the next morning she may give her a shower. So some weeks she may get it 1 or 2 times/wk. ...but it does have to be on a regular basis. As for writing it down, I wrote down & stuck it on the bathroom (b/r) mirror that she only brushes her teeth once after breakfast and once before bedtime, after eating dinner. I also wrote a separate note & stuck it in the same place that she NEEDS to ALWAYS wash her hands after using the toilet. She asked me to write those down & stick them up there. ...but does she read them??? No. Does she remember??? No.

She is incontinent and is taking Enablex to help her not flood the place. Yes, I do feel sorry for her, but I do have to do daily laundry. ...and I am having a hard time with her flooding the b/r floor. I tell her not to 'let loose' until she is sitting completely on the toilet seat. Sometimes, she can't help it. This has been happening since May of this year. Yes, she's been to a urologist.
...and the urologist won't give his elderly patients anymore than
15 mgs. Enablex.

She went to her primary care doctor yesterday and she wants to put her on some acne cream because she sees white spots around her nose. She's 78 years old, for gosh sakes! I thought they were age spots. She's also got some on her eyelids. ...but you can't put cream on the eyes.

She also said that her light brown spot on her left tata that's itching is due to a ...get this... yeast infection. I didn't know you could get yeast infections there!

She's also not getting enough Vitamin D, so she wants her on Vit. D tablets. What else for a 78 yr. old that can't do much for herself? Did I mention she's got latter stages of Alzheimer's Disease (AD)? She was diagnosed in early 2004 and didn't get bad enough (where she couldn't stay by herself) until May 2008.
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Everytime I am firm with my mother she turns it around why do you treat me like this why do you hate me so much so it is useless I am not going to argue over things she wants to control this is the way she has been all her life.
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YOU NEED TO BE FERM NOT TO ASK TO SHOWER,YOU JUST ORDER HER,IS HARD AND IS YOUR MOTHER BUT LIKE KIDS ,NEED TO BE TUFF IN YOUR VOICE.
SHE NEED TO KNOW YOU DON'T PLAY.
GABRIELA
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I wanted to take my mother to a hairdresser she refused, see its narcissism in the act again there is nothing wrong with her just her back, I had to laugh this week end she lays in bed all the time and she is very capable of getting up and doing something but she has always been a drama queen, I worked my butt off this weekend and mind you I work a full time job and many other things but she comes out when I tell her its time to eat and she goes OH I had such a terrible day I had to put a towel on my back just to lay down. The doctor says she needs to move around so I guess its just a matter of time she will be bedridden for good becareful what you ask for I say. I can't move her body around it weighs twice as much as mine so she will have to go to nursing home. She is a trip
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Another thought would be take her to a Bath & Body Shoppe and let her pick out her favorite fragrance in shower gel, lotions and all accessories. Something is bound to pique her interest. Possible? Maybe she'd like a little body glitter when the shower is done, or just a pleasant body spray that she could use at will. Just an extra thought......good luck. Sooz
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Thank you; I will check into that' I appreciate any advice. K~
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Most states have hairdressers who will come to the home or hospital to shampoo and cut hair. My mother-in-law used them for years when she was bedridden. Don't know if that would be any help.
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I have to agree with skye and pamelarod. Getting it part of the routine is essential. Putting it on a calendar is great because it is a visual reminder and it is not you telling her to do it. I like the idea of giving the person the decision. Again it is not you TELLING them like a child but it you empowering them to make a decision. Which of course the two choices are what we want but it still give the power of choice.
I think consistency and dont give up maybe something will click.
Best to you
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Something that works for me. My mom listens to her provider more than to me, her only daughter. So mom's provider will tell her it's time to bathe. She said she gets fiesty with her but all she has to do is pick up the phone and pretend she is calling mom's doctor. My mom will ask her who she is calling and the provider will tell her sheis calling her doctor to tell him that she does not want to take a bath. My mom makes her hang up the phone and she takes a bath. Now, that is working now, who knows what will work next week. And when the provider is not there, I try and let her think it's her idea. On the weekends I will tell her, "Mom, would you like to bathe in the morning or at night before bed? It's your decsion, you can decide." And she seems to take that well, SOMETIMES! Hang in there! I am going through it too, you are not alone!
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mine refuses to shower or get in the tub even tho we have a chair for the tub. she only takes sponge baths the only odor I can smell on her at this time is her hair sometimes but if I mention it she gets so defensive. I just let it go its easier for me that way she only does what she wants and that's not much but she can still wash her clothes and keep her room clean and she could do lots more but says it is my house she can't help it if I have to work. Well its that or live in a cardboard box mom. anyway you just deal with what you can in the best way you can until you can't deal with it anymore thats what my therapist told me so thats what I do have to pick the wars in my house and very carefully at that. My mother does not have alzheimers and maybe a tiny bit of dementia but our main issue is she is narcissistic thats a tough one to always have to have your guard up and its very stressful.
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Would it help if you set up a certain day and time for the bath/shower so it becomes part of her routine? Then maybe she will become accustomed to it. I know the memory impairment may make it difficult to have a schedule. Maybe you could put a chart on the wall and show her that it is time for bathing.
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Lol! I was really hoping I would find a solution when I clicked on this topic. I have read assorted clever ways to get a parent to shower but, unfortunately, none of them worked for my mom. She is in stage 6 of Alzheimers, is in no way incontinent (heaven be praised) but still has a strong sense of self. I have asked her nicely to take a shower and she insists that she does every evening. Ahem! I have ears and eyes and a nose. Mom does smell a bit, she took sponge baths for a long time and kept herself rather well but that is rapidly declining. I even told her outright that I could smell her and that was a big mistake. There is a section in here that deals with reluctance to take baths. I read it through and realized that mom (who just turned 94) may have a diminished sense of smell and that her body odor just doesn't register with her. I have to beg her to wash her hair at least once a month and she will sometimes let me do it for her. She has no short term memory and often has delusions.

If you scroll down on this page you will find a topic "Dad won't shower or change his clothes" click on that and find some good info.

Morrigan
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