I'm tired of being my mother's "whipping post"! What can I do when her second personality comes out and nothing I do can make her happy?
My mother is almost 98 yrs old, and has been in a nursing home for 4 years. She has 2 personalities: the" church lady", and the" lady you can't make happy" no matter what you do. I recently moved mother to another nicer, newer Home and thought - now, this is the best one in town, NO MORE COMPLAINTS! wrong....the second personality is back...and to everyone else she is the "church lady"...all smiles and appreciative. When I call her to say hello (I used to call daily, now I've cut back on my phone calls to every other day, and and only visit 2 times a week because I know she is getting the best care available )When I call her, she says things like "welll, I really do have a daughter", or "where have you BEEN?" Our visits consist of how terrible she has it at the Home, and how they mistreat her, how her meals are intolerable, etc I call the Home to inquire about the problems and the nurses can't believe she is complaining, and they see no sign of her discomfort. I honestly think this Home is at no fault, and yes, the other Home did have problems, but I feel very confident in the staff and care she is now receiving. Apparently, she is trying to make me feel guilty that she is a 98 year old woman, living in a nursing home. I am tired of being her "whipping post", and would like some advice on what stategy I can use so I can turn loose and what I can say to her: "sorry you are having a bad day ~I love you and I've tried everything humanly possible to make you happy?" and hang up the phone? I know she has to understand I won't listen to the complaining - should I say, "I'm calling the head nurse right this minute, and hang up"? My brother lives in another state, and comes to visit her once a year, he calls her a couple of times a week, but he is not the designated "whipping post". I appreciate any and all suggestions.