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My mother ,at 96 ,goes to adult day care every week day. I have found another day care that has week end and Holiday care.. I am thinking of taking her to the one she has been attending on the week days and to the other one on Saturday and Sunday. I work part of the day on Saturdays and would like to attend Church with my family on Sundays. My husband works at night and when I leave on Saturday he is asleep ; this is like leaving her alone which is not a good or wise thing to do. I never know when the dementia will make her go outside and of course falling is always a possibility. They start a little later on Saturday and Sunday so she could sleep later than on the week days. Also she would have something to do and stimulation which she doesn't get here at home . She actually sleeps all day on the weekends from boredom. Doesn't watch TV or read. I just worry that I am over doing her expecting her to get up and go 7 days a week. This is cheaper than having someone come to our house and stay with her. Also I feel she will get more out of going to the day care. I don't want to abuse my mother . Thoughts anyone?

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This is a great question! Thanks for asking. Absolutely, she needs to attend the day care. She has lived a very full life by keeping busy and socializing. Our experience at The Ivey is that everyone functions at a higher level when they have as much routine as possible. There is no substitute for socialization with peers to give a person purpose in life. The only caveat to this is that each weekend, the new adult day program will be new to her all over again. So please make sure that it is of the same quality and calibur as the one she attends during the week. If it isn't and she has a bad experience, it could affect her perception of the week day program. You say she sleeps all weekend from boredom, I saw that same thing with my mother, so don't let her get bored! That's the main thing.
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This is a hard one, isn't it? I'm struggling with how much day program is best for my husband, and I'm considering reducing it in favor of some at-home help. But each situation is different.

First, does your mother like going to the day center? Is it her "club" that she gets to enjoy, or is she unhappy to have to go there each day? Will she be confused with one more place to be each week, or will she enjoy the variety? Instead of having 3 "homes" during the week, is it time to consider the consistency of a long term care placement?

Could Mom go to church with you? Could you bring in someone just for the portion of Saturdays that you work? Does Mom have some assets or income that could pay for the in-home care?

Does she get more out of going to a day program? Is she at a point where stimulation is still good for her, or does she need some downtime where nothing is expected of her?

There are so many factors to conider here that I don't think an outsider can give you an answer. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, to keep her safe and, we hope, happy.

Good luck to you as you ponder this.
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Carol, it's never easy to know what is the best, but as long as your intentions are to do what's best for your mom, you probably can't go wrong. Yet, don't forget what's best for you and your immediate family.

I took my late husband to daycare 5 days a week, driving over 40 miles each way, running myself ragged. But eventually came the day when I realized that while attempting to do the best I could do for him, I neglected myself. At which point I changed from husband's needs to my needs and interestingly, we both seemed to be happier. Might be that "if mom is happy, everybody is happy", because things worked out very nicely after that. We found support in places where we had not looked before.

Wishing you and your mom the very best.
Margarete
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I don't know your situation or how much in-home care costs, but the people with whom I work prefer to have mom or dad stay in their own home. Sometimes it's hard to transport them - but it sounds like you don't have that problem with your mom. I've seen private care cost from $10 an hour to $25. I am paid $20. But I do mentally stimulating activities with my Dementia clients. Some feel safer in their own home even though they don't always recognize that it IS their home. One of my favorite and very touching moments was when my client with Dementia was delighted and surprised that I had a nightgown just her size... Even though her memory is shot, her sort of "muscle memory" takes her down the hall toward her bathroom when she feels the urge to go. I'd check into some alternatives like that - perhaps even a CNA student who could benefit by having work experience hours.
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Thanks for all the interest and great responses to my question. I am getting the paperwork ready for her to begin this Saturday . If it seems to be too much going 7 days a week then I will have to take her out of the present day care at least one day for her to rest at home. She did sleep all day this Saturday but was up on Sunday as I had a lady come to stay with her so I could attend church with my family. I will start my partime job this Saturday and having her in the daycare will take alot of worry off me. This is suppose to be excellant ; she will be eating lunch and dinner there.
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Thanks for all the great responses. I will hopefully be taking my Mom to week end Day care this Saturday and Sunday. This facility has a day care all week and on Holidays; I have heard only good things;I feel very confident the program is good though it is not as intense on the week ends. If 7 days is too much I will drop 1 day at the present day care to keep the week end. I just pray she likes it and is happy going. I do realize that evry week end will be new to her . Please know I love my Mother and only want good things for her as all of you do. I sure hope this will be good. Thanks for letting me vent and express my feelings. Thanks again. Carol
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Sorry, somehow I posted twice. I thought the first post had been deleted. But at least you got the whole story. Thanks, Carol
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