How can I protect my mother who willingly gives money to a granddaughter who lies?

I do have power of attorney. I have tried to explain to my mother that this is not healthy for the granddaughter, who has stolen my mother's credit car number at one point, and ran up $2000 of debits in one month. My brother, her father, is outraged, because my mother is enabling his daughter to support a boyfriend who broke into houses on Christmas eve and stole Christmas presents. The granddaughter has three out of wedlock children from two different men and at one point gave the kids to her ex and now has them back. She posts pictures and posts on the internet showing her lifestyle which includes partying, skateboard equipment, alcohol, etc. my mother is paying for, although my mother believes this money she gives her is for the children, or medicine, or food. The girl has every kind of social service support available. If my brother or I say anything about this, she becomes angry at us, that we are mean, and have no compassion for poor Mary. Recently, Mary had to make a request in front of me because I was staying with mother, Mary said she needed $5000 for living expenses while she began her studies (she's never stayed with a job more than a couple of weeks), my mother wanted to write the check, and I stalled her. I learned from my brother that Mary wanted to money to pay boyfriend's court costs to keep him from going back to jail. We prevailed but my mother was furious that we were controlling her and interfering. I learned that she just gave her $2000 the week before because she put me on her account (Idon't think she knows I can see this). She didn't want us to know. She has told me previously that Mary was "killing her". Because Mary always came with a sad and hopeless story and after she left my mother was so distraught she would take a pill and go to bed, sometimes for a whole day. My Mother is still sharp mentally, but is obsessed with Mary and irrational on this subject. She prefers to think of herself as a virtuous person who never gets angry, so she tells me what Mary, or others, have done, and then let's me get angry on her behalf, and then blames me for being "bad." Help! The entire family is in turmoil and bereft.

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
Is Mary the only visitor she gets? Perhaps she's 'paying' for the visit? Have you confronted Mary? Is a restraining order possible?
It appears to be a very unhealthy situation. Has your brother contacted Social Services on behalf of his grandchildren? As far as the situation with your mother, I think you two need to be adament about not giving the girl money and continue to keep presenting substantiating proof as to where the money is actually going. You may want to speak to the bank or an attorney to find out if any safeguards can be placed on the accounts to help you further monitor their activity.
One of the paternal grandmothers of the children has contacted social services about the children and there is an ongoing investigation as she leaves these three little children with this man who according to one of the children (3 years old) has been physically abusive. I was tempted to go to the DA with the credit card charges to press charges, but my mother would be so angry with me if I did. I live in another state and have been trying to manage this situation from afar. My mother is angry with me because I won't move in with her and take care of her. I actually considered it, but I am not in a position to give up my career and leave my husband and my home in order to do this. I still have a daughter at home as well. And yes, she is paying for visits. My mother is very isolated, she has only one friend, and lives far from her remaining sibs. Her husband dies last year, and it was a you and me against the world situation. I knew it would be a crisis when he died. It is very sad, to see her so lonely and depressed. My brother has confided that he doesn't come over often because he is angry about my mother enabling his daughter, and because of the humiliation he has experienced by the stuff his daughter posts onthe internet about what she and this guy are doing and have been doing. Shocking!!!
You may have to go against your mother's wishes to protect her. Is there a home health agency nearby who would send an aide every day or every other day to check in on her? Can your mom afford this service on her own? I would love a telephone service in my area! My mother would benefit from talking on the phone to 'friends.'

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