My mom lives in a wonderful assisted living home but feels abandoned if I'm not always there. How can I reassure her she is not alone?

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I travel frequently for work and pleasure. I recently moved my mom from her home several states away to a wonderful assisted living home near me.

Recently while I was away Mom's phone died on a Saturday. I submitted an on-line request for a repair but it took the phone company until Thursday to repair it. She couldn't call he phone company because they make you do everything on-line, so she wasn't reassured. She could use the phone in the office and of course they would have helped her in an emergency but she was in a panic and felt abandoned. Now she's more clingy than ever.

How can I reassure her that in an emergency the staff would have acted with greater urgency as the situation would have required? She isn't abandoned at all. She insists I don't understand and while they're nice people they can't be counted on.

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I used to type a reminder letters to my mother and put it near her bed encouraging her to count her blessings, be patient, and understanding of the staff when they couldn't get things done in her time frame, and reminding her that were doing the best they could. Sometimes it would work, sometimes not.. so well...
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I thought that might be the case - couldn't find it and was too late to pick it up. We all are doing what we can, no more, no less, otherwise we would not be contributing to this discussion, n'est-ce pas?
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Just for clarification, DT, the site monitor pulled a very inappropriate comment from this thread.
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Does the facility have a psych person on staff? maybe they could help her with some "self talk" ways she could use to help with her anxiety among the other feelings she is experiencing. She could be displacing many feelings for panic that you are not there. No one likes to cope with debilitating feelings of lonliness and loss; anxiety placed upon the situation that you are not there is easier to cope with that the hopelessness of loss and despair. A support group? One that can TRULY be depended on for many different kinds sof support. Another elder form your church? Someone for both of you to rely on?
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Not sure where the above argument about abandonment came from, my mom (94) does not have dimentia but does have a lot of other medical problems. In that she does not have dimentia, we are lucky, but as for the rest of it I have already discussed with her that if she comes to the stage at which she cannot get into the bathroom by herself, or she needs medical assistance like injections, we will have to make other arrangements. Our house is too small for me to help her to the bathroom or use a wheelchair, I do not mind changing potty pans, but this all may become too much for me to handle, as I have some problems of my own and I am not getting any younger myself, I am 69. If it comes to the point where I have to put her in AL, it will be a last resort, it will NOT mean that I have abandoned her. The guilt may be there, but not guilt by abandonment.
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My mother-in-law has both dementia/Alz and macular degeneration, so she can do neither see nor remember anything anymore. I got her a big button land line a few years ago when she could remember a little better. I programmed her phone to call her boys & me really easy. Her sons were now #1, #2, #3 and me #4 on the memory dial. Well when she was living at home alone still, some woman called her and wanted to ask her some dumb question that she didn't understand. She told the woman to call her daughter-in-law cause I was the one taking care of her needs. The woman said okay, what was my number? My m-i-l told her " She's #4". She and I laughed about that for a long time.
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Mostly my suggestion about cellphones was as a kind of security blanket, but if they can cope with it, it is a good thing for seniors.
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Is she able to use a cell phone? They do have ones that are designed for the eldery.
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Lucy it is no use arguing with nelkster. Some people have only one point of view Theirs.....

True loving caregivers know better, and only put family in al if necessary. Nelkster probably does not understand this and think that caregiving can go on forever. We know that is not the case. I took care of my mom for over 10+ years and I am only 30. My whole 20s was caregiving and I would not have traded any of the expirences for the time back. I raised 3 kids, kept my marriage and took care of my mom. She is in a Nursing home because of her wounds and the docs. said that her illness is now BEYOND ME.

How dare nelkster say keepon put her mom there for selfish reasons. I wonder how many years nelkster would care give for? Even if situations arise that would permit otherwis.

By the way this is a LOVING LOYAL SITE FOR RESPECTABLE CAREGIVERS WHO HAVE REAL PROBLEMS THAT CAN NOT BE OTHERWISE ANSWERED BY JUST ANY PERSON THAT HAS NOT BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION.

I am not taking care of my mom 24/7 anymore but want to genuinely help others who need a hug or a push or some recognition to keep caring for their loved ones. I feel that is the least I can do is maybe help someone else, so they know they are not alone( even though Isolation goes hand on hand with caregivers everywhere).
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No, she did NOT abandon her mom. If she had she wouldn't be concerned about it. You need to get off your high horse nelkster. Sometimes there are situations that make it necessary to use AL. I had always thought my mom would be able to stay with me. Well my husband got cancer and my mother's mind went downhill. You don't know what all is going on in someone else's life and got no business trying to be the judge and jury!
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