How do I convince my mom she doesn't need to go the bathroom every 15 minutes?

Follow
Share

My mom has a muscular disorder similar to Lou Gherigs. She can only move her feet and hands and it's getting more and more difficult to transfer her without a lift. It takes a full half hour or more to get her settled in be. First the potty, then take off her outer clothes and bra but leave her slip on. It's pretty hard because she is stiff in the arms and has little trunk strength to keep her upright. Adjust her underwear, put the heated rice bag on her feet, fix her pillow, wait for her to tell you where else she's uncomfortable, finally get her settled in and she calls you back in ten min. because she has to go pee. It's so frustrating!! I put a pad on her and tell her to just dribble in that but she insists she has to go, so up we go back on the commode and she pees 2 drips and back down on the bed to adjust all over again. I understand that she has to have someone do everything for her cause she can't move but tonight I told her she has to wait 10 min to see if she really has to go pee. She got so upset at me and told me I was mean, etc. I explained that it wasn't her fault she had bladder spasms but she had to take pity on her caregivers ( my 6 family members and myself take turns caring for her, we do shifts). I told the night caregiver to only let her get up 4 times to pee and the rest of the time tell her to go in the pad. Is it cruel to not help her every time she says she has to pee at night? She gets so exhausted from not sleeping at night then the next day is ruined. I feel guilty being "mean" to her but it feels sometimes she has to go pee for something to do. She is never left alone, activities are available and family members always in and out visiting so she is not neglected and don't think she's doing this for attention. I'm feel dread when I hear her garbled voice say she has to pee or poop once more!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
29

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
Check with her doctor about medications, I know that they have them for young children that have a problem with bed wetting maybe there is something that would help you mother.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Just wanted to shout out a hey to you guys....jean..naheaton..luvmom..Miz..Linda...and the list goes on...the list goes on...drums keep pounding rhythm(and pain!) in my brain...la de da de da....you know the rest..
Just fed mom lunch..those Hormel Compleats are great! 2 mins and add a bowl of fruit and you have lunch. Great time saver. My mom has no problem with sodium and at this stage of the game, I'm not really worried about preservatives. Just gettin her fed. And she loves them. Win win situation.
Have a good afternoon you all. I'm curling up with a Robert Ludlum book. Bourne series. Love this stuff. This one is The Bourne Betrayal. Not written by RL cause he's dead now, but reads just like him.
Ltr
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm happy for you annt! Ain't the truth? We get so happy about the little things. Keep up the good attitude, it's the only way you'll get through this and congratulate you dear mamma on feeling the urge:)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hey, guess what? My mom actually FELT that she was about to have a bm yesterday and made it to the bathroom on time. I could hardly believe it. It's been happening wo her knowing it for so long. It's amazing how these little thing cheer us up. OMG what has my life devolved into? A bm makes me happy. This is a hoot!! A year ago I was doing deals with big shots and selling businesses and having meetings and doing marketing etc etc....Now I'm thrilled that mama can feel a bm coming on. I'm broke and fighting bill collectors. My mom's bill collectors cause my sucky brother ran up $40,000 in credit card bills before I took mom away from him for abusing and neglecting her. (shoulda put his butt in jail instead of trying to clean up his mess!)Ha! Life is funny. Gotta go with the flow....just saying.
Hope you all have a happy day. Enjoy the small happy things cause very few big ones will happen for awhile.
Hugs to you all.
Ann
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks for the suggestions. I agree wholeheartedly with annt's last line. I had no idea there was this great support system out there in cyberspace. I feel lucky to have you all. Give yourself a hug and a gold star today for being a caring caregiver!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Once my mom got used to wearing the depends it was fine. In fact I think she appreciates them now. It gives her a sense of security that she won't wet all over herself and my sofa. She still goes to potty as usual but these save her from making a mess all the time. Give your mom time, she'll probably get used to them too. The color one are a great idea, luvmom. Also the talking watch..naheaton.
We all get so many good ideas from each other. What a blessing it is to talk to others who understand.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi Karen, the depakote is great and calms them right down, it is for mood swings and wandering. Yes it is a seizure medication, my Mom never had a seizure, its just what the Neuro recommends and he is head of the Neurology dept at the hospital. He doesnt believe in antipsychotics unless its absolutely a last resort. At first she may sleep alot on it but after a month or so she will be normal again, but calmer. There is depends underpants in colors at the stores next to the depends that look like real underpants too, Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Karen, I got a talking wrist watch for my mother-in-law who has macular degeneration and can't see up close anymore. She loves it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh yeah. How could somebody "need" to pee that often? Have you ever been asked for a urine specimen when you weren't expecting it, and you went before you got to the doctor's office? How much, if any, could you produce? But that doesn't mean she doesn't genuinely feel the urge. I take that back. Sometimes after taking my diuretic I really do have to go with annoying frequency, but I think we can rule that out here. For my husband, part of the problem was enlarged prostate, which a supplement helped, but I think we can rule that out, too! :) The point is something is making her feel the urge. Maybe her doctor can play detective on what that something is, and fix the source of the problem. Until then, gently helping her realize that she needs the sleep more than she needs to dribble in the toilet is a reasonable approach, in my mind.

(If this were just about convenience for the night caregiver, I just say, hey that's the night caregiver's job. But I think this about Mom's welfare. She really would do better on more uninterupted sleep.)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks annt! I've tried and tried to reason with her about the depends and even the pads. She finally accepted the pads but so far not one dribble has gone in them. Even last night when she wasn't allowed up, she didn't pee in them so I'm thinking this might be more than the actual need to urinate. I wonder if she wakes at night and is uncomfortable in some way and since the usual reason one wakes at night is to use toilet she thinks that's the problem. She doesn't ever complain about discomfort during the day but at night maybe her level of discomfort rises. She's still a little peeved at me as I'm the one who"won't let her pee at night" My sister asked if she wet her undies because she couldn't get up and she said no. Hmmm, to pee or not to pee that is the question here. I don't mind being the bad one in her eyes cause I know she loves me anyway and she'll get over it. We've never tried using a bedpan. How would one go about this if the person couldn't raise their bottom. It seems sort of awkward.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions