memsobelle Asked December 2009

My mother has COPD and suffered a debilitating stroke 9 years ago. Can we force her to stop smoking?

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She was forced to quit when she had the stroke and my father let her start smoking again about a year ago. She is a chain smoker and is killing everyone around her. Since she still has control of her financial matters, can we force her to stop smoking? (i.e. prohibit legally people brining sigarettes to the house that she will refund them for). Thank you for your insight.

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terry Jun 2010
Had my mom at a family function this last week in a distant state where they only see her once a yr. she had several drinks and messed in her bed the next day. i told everyone not to let her drink. my neice's mother in law said " oh let her enjoy herself" well, the next morning she messed 2 x's and guess who had to clean it all up. yes they can enjoy themselves, but someone else get the brunt and extra work and anxiety and it is us. I personally do not feel like letting the ah-let it be attitude good.
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edat350 Jun 2010
My aunt, 82, has copd. She still smokes, won't wear her oxygen. She gets chest infections and the only way to be sure she takes her antibiotics is go over to her house and hand it to her. If I don't watch her she will lay it down and not take it. She doesn't change clothes or bathe. All she cares about is smoking, watching TV and sleeping. I tried anti-deppression meds....for several months I went to her house every day to give it to her. I thought after a while on the med. she would be better and care more about herself. Wrong. Nothing changed and I decided it wasn't worth the anxiety it was causing me so I stopped giving them to her. (I take her to the doctor for check ups and anything else she needs, doctor told me how to take her off the pills slowly.) I tried so hard, 3 years, to help her. I gave up, she will not do anything to help herself. The doctor told her to wear oxygen 24 hrs. a day or at least sleep with on. She won't. Last visit to doc. he toid her she would be able to walk better/faster and feel better if she would wear the oxygen. She still won't. I feel guilty for giving up on her but my nerves are shot. I, too, wonder what her purpose in life is. The only time she leaves her house is for doctor app. She thinks because she's 82 she deserves to be waited on, her exact words, not mine. I'm not being her go- for any more. I see her once a week now and I don't comment on her dirty clothes or nasty hair. I feel free and am glad to be away from her. That sounds terrible but it is the truth.
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FamHaynes Dec 2009
We all know that smoking is bad for us. As an ex-smoker, I can appreciate how much she has come to depend on her cigarettes. The bond is so strong that unless she wants to quit, it would be a form of cruelty from her standpoint. Even now, 30 years later, I still have dreams that include cigarettes. I have no desire while I am conscious and am shocked that I still have the desire unconsciously. She has to want to quit from the heart with the will to see her great grand children grow up or something that she can focus on when the urge to smoke comes up over and over again. Love never fails.
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well all I can say is good luck people hurt others all the time whether it be physically, internally mentally or just plain cruelty seems to be the essence of man because we are so multi faceted. No one is perfect and I see your point with your dad but they have made out fine on their own for a long time I understand they need the caregiving but to take everything away from one person just doesn't seem right. What will she have to look forward to but I guess you will figure that out for her. I don't mean to sound callous my mother has nothing she is in good shape basically for 83 but she lays in bed eats candy and I am not taking that away from her thats all she has to look forward to. before my dad died I took care of him to he to smoked once his hip was removed twice and he was finally home with MRSA I let him smoke he also had copd the damage was done a few weeks later he had a massive stroke and died, Man is not supposed to live forever, but I look at things totally different than most people thats why I get in trouble somuch. just an opinion and I know its not yours just talking it out. Have a Blessed Christmas and good luck with your mothers quitting smoking it will be very hard for her I know I often wonder about those who get cancer and have never smoked nor have been around it I guess certain people just have genes with a penchant for specific diseases.
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memsobelle Dec 2009
My father also is alive, a cardiac patient and suffers allergies. I don't want her to stop just for herself but for him. He's 87 and the house is impregnated with the cigarette smoke. She forgets to use the smokeless ashtrays. She says that it is her vice and she's not hurting anyone else, but she is. I also read an article yesterday about the increase of cancer in animals and second hand smoke because they live in the smoke and lick their fur...so there has been an increase of mouth and lung cancer in animals! Imagine the people.
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my take is a little different why take everything away from her if she is disabled this is the only vice she has it brings her comfort and the damage is done. Leave her alone These are her last days let her live them as happily as possible. Also, why do we try to keep people alive who are disabled their quality of life has changed and they know it and it makes them frustrated. Stop fighting a losing battle and let her have her smoke.
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KelleyBean Dec 2009
As long as there are people around enabling her there is nothing you can do. You can have a chat with everyone, but you can't make them stop if that's what they choose to do for her.
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