My siblings only visit my dad on holidays and one even said it would be a "burden" for them to visit him once a week. How can I get them to visit more often?

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i am going thru the samething. my father is 81 yrs old and in a nursing home. the sweetest man in the world. It is only me and my sister and 3 of the grandchildren are grown. I am the only one that wants and cares enough to visit several times a week to let him know just because he is elderly and in a nursing home that i still love him and think of him. It hurts me so bad when he ask about why my sister doesnt come and when i try to talk to her she gets mad. I dont understand. I know how you feel.
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Seems like my sister doesn't want me to come around however my mom does. Oh the care giver seems to be bothered a bit by my visits as well but who really cares. Problem with that is when you stay away for a while those darn care givers will treat your loved ones any kind of way. Not us children, I'm talking about the paid "help".

Can you tell I'm a little bothered by my moms care giver?
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Wonder how typical our experiences are out there with the other 47 million family caregivers.
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There is nothing you can do except not to say I told you so when the person passes away and it usually does not bother the parent if the adult children do not come around if they like that child they will forgive them it is the caregiver that usually gets steped all over-I see it in my family I have talked to one brother so much about visiting our Mother and now I just save my breath.
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There is such a document with the courts...that you relinquish all to a court apointed guardianship.
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Well you can't pick your family, its a good job we can pick our friends. And you got all of us.
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She does not remember anything even right after it happens. I seldom mention The Two Deadbeats, except if there is a photo mom touches, then I'll say their names.

Mom didn't seem to know who she was, though sister was friendly...and Mom will kiss just about anyone off the street. Mom was taking a nap when sister arrived, and sister visited at bedside. I ran quickly to the bank machine and came back, Mom was having a little fit, anxious about this stranger here trying to hold her hand. Anyway, she was blithering about letting her sleep, and then blithered in her sleep.

I rarely mention the two deadbeats, though admit I let out a few insults when things get rough around there. the "nobody ever helps me" rant, but even then I don't mention their names. They are NO THINGS to me now.

I often reinforce the names and photos of the supportive relatives, recycle their greeting cards with bogus new envelopes and phoney stamps. For the two good nieces, we sometimes visit via webcam.

Oh, of course I have a blog about that from a few weeks ago.,..

http://whendoesthegladstart.blogspot.com/2010/02/webcam-moms-favorite-video-user-herself.html
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It's the reckoning, I loved that when it was said in "Tombstone" cause it really is.

Was your mom glad to see her, and did she know who she was? Did you guys talk about her visit.

Which brings me to another question. I use to talk about my sister to my mom, after she got sick. Then one day I realized I was putting too much xtra stress on mom and I stopped. Did you ever do that?
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The sister had not called or visited since August 1, Mom's birthday. She did, however, with the other deadbeat sister, challenge my caregiving caringness (or whatever!) via the public guardian last fall. Yeah, like they care. The gist of this was that I had no RIGHT to make demands from those two on behalf of my mother (ie, to pay back the money one of them stole). Then it dawned on me that I had the right to feel about them however I wanted based on what they have done to me and cause me.

However, this deadbeat has always bragged that she was the ONLY one who loved mom, and proved it with oversize bouquets, mylar balloons (what next, one that sings opera...yep, she found one and Wagner at that!), and presents that I would have to return: A passive agressive way of getting back at me.

She recently had a rough series of health and relationship disasters, and being unemployed for a few years. So, I gave her a little break when she was a jerk about scheduling (she is under the Public Guardian's thumb for this, but it doesn't do any good.). Finally I told her that her jerking us off about changing her visiting days and hours impacted my sister's visit (she changed her day to accomodate sister's wishes), and my whole day was focused on The VIsit. Then she cancelled. I was going to call the PG and suggest she post a cash bond, payable to ME when she was late or screwed up (again and again.)

So, she apparently "got it" and came when she first scheduled. She did not bring any one else. I think chiding letters from her daughter and her other sister perhaps finally made her realize that this was not to be a "get Carol's goat" endeavor. This was life and death.

For Valentine's Day she sent me a computer generated card that said I had a heart of gold and I took so good care of Mom...then I wanted to puke. Give me a break! So many times she's literally tried to sabotage the PG's rules, and to sink me at hearings.

Nevertheless, she as deadbeat DAUGHTER has a perfect legal right to see her mother. Who knows, she may disappear for another six months.

This change in seeing her mother and being genuinely helpful and attentive does not let her off the hook for eight years of giving me hell. There will be a reckoning one day for what she's done to ME (and by inference Mom).
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I'm with you Lilliput. Cannot begin to understand how an adult child can turn their back like they do. A VISIT, a simple VISIT is too much for them?? Please!! They don't even bother to ask how things are going--maybe its 'easier' for them if they don't know. I guess its true what they say about responsibility falling on those who can handle it.
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