Am I making the wrong decision to want to care for my mother at home?

That is a hard question because it can be difficult and I am not sure if anyone knows the answer. My 88 year old mom lives with me and her aging is depressing for me to watch. I love her with all of my heart which is probably the reason it is so hard to see her decline. Maybe someone will have a better answer for you.
God bless you .

I care for my mom 24/7. I only get 1 day off a week . And it is short and sweet. Some times I don't leave the house for a week and it has be weeks without leaveing the house . That is not good.
You have to make sure you can come and go has you need to. You must have help. And enough money to surpport you and your mom.If we run out of milk it might be days before I can go get some. Just think about all this before you do it. You have to have other people who are free to help you out. Good luck.

It's always tough to make this decision. Especially when there is a spouse or you've been alone for so long. It's almost like having a child.

I've been a caregiver for about 8 years now and love taking care of mom. I may on the lucky side where she is still able to get around and do things on her own, to a point.

This decision will affect everyone to be sure to talk it though and be sure of what you want to to do. Good luck

I took on my mom at her house in june of this year thinking it would be a short time. Its october now, and commuting, working full time and having school age children is tough. The hardest part is the nites of not getting sleep. Yes there are agencies out there but some parents dont want anyone they dont know. I am fortunate and blessed that a friend of hers helped me for several weeks so I could go home and get a break. I hate being away from my kids so much but in a way it has made us all strangely closer. The other hard thing is that as your parents age if you expect appreciation dont count on it too often. They get very self focused and they dont have a clue about all the things you are doing to make sure they are cared for. They get paranoid and think you are stealing from them, and they get cranky and moody.They also expect you to take care of their needs like yesterday. All of the extra time I have had with my mom has not been the best, I have spent most of the money she was going to leave me. I am not even sure she appreciates or understands all that my girls and I have done. I just pray it is over soon for her sake and mine and I hope I dont carry some of these memories with me and can only find the good ones. It is not the handholding sunset kissy goodbye thingy I would have wished for. But its not about me. She has been my best friend my mentor and always there for me when no one else was, So I am trying my hardest to make it a goodbye she would have wanted. I am looking back over the last 6 months now with tears running down my face thinking this has been the hardest time of my life. Would I do it again? yes. Havent been out much, or done anything fancy in awhile. But I have been where I was wanted and needed. Cleaning up armloads of poo and pee, and yea we have laughed more times than we have cried. She is all the things in a mom I hope I can be one day when I grow up. Trust your instincts you will know what to do.

lhardebeck, I went through the same thing you are going through. I took my Mother out of the nursing home because of the poor care she was receiving. She lived with me for one year. She also had several trips back to the hospital for med changes. It was so nice to be able to live a "normal" life while she was hospitalized. I felt guilty because I was able to sleep all night and my washer and dryer got a nice break. It's normal to feel that way. We all feel the same. We love our parents but we also need a life of our own. I too was her only caregiver. The only time I went out of the house was when my sister would come sit with Mom for a few hours. That happenened maybe once every 4-5 weeks if I was lucky. It's a very, very hard situation. My Mom had dementia and didn't know who I was but she knew she loved me and told me that at least fifty times a day. Like you said, you are spending every minute with him now. It truly is worth it. I miss my Mom so much and would give anything to have to change her poopy diaper again.
She passed away on September 11th, 2009.
God bless you!

I miss and love my Mom more then words can say.
Her body is still here, dementia has taken over, yet I told myself that I wanted to take care of her until the very end.
Our inner thoughts are never let out, instead we say, I love taking care of Mom/Dad, listening to them complain, cry, begging them to take meds, eat and cleaning up pee and poop.
Well, I guess I will be the first to say, NO, I don't enjoy it, I'd love to run away.
A stranger moved into my Moms body and I don't like her, I don't understand how anyone can say they love taking care of a situation like that.
What a blessing it would be if they would just pass in their sleep.
Oh yes, I know--what a heartless person, but like I said, I've already lost my Mom, I only have this stranger and I'm sure this thought has crossed others minds.

Family is something that was created by God. God is very strong in his word about family and how we should treat each other.

Your house with your husband/wife and your children. You are not to let them suffer in anyway that you can help them. The same goes for your father and your mother, sisters and brothers. Your are respondisble for there well being. Helping them if they need food, clothing and if one is sick you are to help take care of them. Parents are to be taken care of in their old age. The bible is very clear on this and notes that the responsibility falls on the children.

Instructing your children at an early age will be the way they treat you when they become an adult. Children are to honor their parents - this will give them a long life on earth. Honoring your parent does not stop after you become an adult. This is for life. Your children will pick up on how you treat your parents and that is how they will treat you.

hi there . when my dad was staying here i would wake up every 2 hrs to take him to bathroom . i lost alot of sleep and felt like i was caring for a baby . i got used to it after a while . now he got sick (almost lost him ) with uti . he is in rehab trying to get stronger which he is . needing to try to walk more .
well i felt alot better now i can sleep without waking up every 2 hrs , i feel at peace now . but this coming weds he will be coming back home here with me . in a way i am looking fwrd to have him back home but then again im not . cuz i am not ready to wake up every 2 hrs to take care of him . hopefully he'll sleep allnight which i doubt that , i want him home but then again i dont . i feel bad for feeling that way . he is my father i love him dearly . i know he wont be around forever . i go visit him 2 times a day and stay for few hrs theni would leave thinking i can sleep all night .
it is a very big step by taking your parent into ur home . its rough at first then it gets easier . i hardly go anywhere and when i do my daughter watches him for me . bless her heart .
i worry about him in rehab cuz i know he gets better treatment at home than he would there . low on staff and too many elders there .
i;ll do it again and again but i tell you it is peaceful when he is not here . its alot of work when he is here . its sad too to watch him becoming like a child like . like i said he wont be around forever and i get to spend every mins with him so i know its all worth it . washer machine is all the time running hahahaha .... poo and pee all the time . ahhhhhhh

I have been caring for my Mom for almost 3 years now. My siblings asked me to leave my job last May, and care for her full time. She did not thrive the 2 times she was in a nursing home, and is much better in her own home. I have lived in Mom's 4 family house for 56 of my 58 years, and have always helped her. My dad has been dead for 27 years, Mom never drove, so I have helped her all these years. She has Parkinson's, dementia, depression and anxiety, so she is a handful. Just recently the Parkinson's has progressed to the point of her falling constantly. She just got 3 stitches in her chin on Saturday.
I have 6 siblings, 4 of who live close by. I get her up 7 days a week, dress, feed, and keep a close eye on her. She does not comprehend that she can no longer walk around like she used to. Now I have to sit with her constantly in case she gets up and falls. I had to put her in daycare 3 days a week, and have a friend come watch her 3 afternoons while I make dinner. She also gets her to bed for me. Weekends are a total wash, because siblings are always busy having a life! I guess I don't get one any more! It's a known fact that the elderly do much better at home, but you need to realize that even going to the bathroom is sometimes impossible.Please make sure you have people to help you. You will need down time. Believe me! It's very hard and could go on for years, so be prepared. It will cause a strain on marriages and family members.

Yes, I think you should take your mom in and take care of her. At least try. We are all human and a person can only take so much. You may find that you will be glad you did after she is gone.