Aging mother has serious debt issues, but resents daughter's efforts to help. What now?

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My mom is 75 and fairly healthy, with the normal wear and tear you'd have at that age. She is incredibly intelligent (Mensa Mom!) and still working as a registered nurse. The issue: her finances are completely out of control. She owes thousands and thousands (I'm talking over $150,000 here...) About nine months ago, she came to me asking for financial help. It was only going to be for a few months. I agreed, but before I passed out the cash, I insisted (as nicely as possible) that she sit down with me and my husband to talk about her options. Mistake! Now I've heard through my brothers that she's furious with me for "trying to tell her how to run her life". In addition, she absolutely refuses to share her financial plans, will, anything should something happen to her. However, that has not stopped her from taking my money. Did I mention she has assets that she refuses to sell? Did I also mention that I have a mentally-retarded brother that she has guardianship of? And another unemployed brother who lives with her that has Asberger's? I love her dearly...but I'm completely freaking out! Any advice? I'm ready to run for the hills and let everyone else sort it out.

Answers 1 to 5 of 5
Contact a ElderLaw attorney and see what you need to go to become financial POA as it sounds like there may be some cognitive issues to cause this?
That was my first inclination, but I'm definitely going to have a fight on my hands. I've already had a nasty gram from the brother with Aspergers telling me "Mom doesn't need my counseling." Of course, he's living with her. Gratis. (By the way, he has very mild symptoms, so he's employable...don't want to sound cruel here!)

But that's good advice, as I don't see what other route I have to take! Thank you!
Hi Boomer! I haven't posted recently, but I have, and am still, after one year, cleaning up my own father's financial nightmare, that has gotten out of control. Do you think maybe there is a possibility of Elder Financial Abuse, or even fraud? I don't know your whole story, but this is what happened to my Dad, and he just lost his house that was paid for on top of it all, due to abuse. I wish you the best of luck in this matter. It is very stressful on families, I do know this. It should be addressed with an attorney, and try to prevent further damage. Believe me, every month that goes by with the parent out of control, just adds years to the cleanup. Try not to let it tear your family apart, and remember to take care of yourself.
I always thought you were not responsible for your parents debt-run not walk to a good elder lawyer.
That's what I have heard as well...thank goodness! There are all sorts of "bonus issues" that I won't bore you folks with. Suffice it to say that she will fight me tooth and nail over this. I just want to make sure she's okay ... and still speaks to me, too!

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