Taking care of a loved one after 2 total hip replacements. Any words of wisdom?

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Hi everyone just checking in has anyone had to take care of someone after 2 total hip replacements? I’ve been though a lot. I’m exhausted most days, and I still work sometimes 56 hrs a week. It’s been since 2016 I’ve been taking care of him. And he was pushed into retirement. And has OCD, so bringing in help is a no. Haven’t had a vacation since 2016. I’m 60 so something’s take me longer to do, like cutting the grass, or pressure cleaning the outside, and I do all house hold chores , and pay all the bills. Just something I’m asking, how do you find time for yourself? Funny the best time I’ve had is when he went in for his second hip replacement and I had 4 whole days to myself. That was my vacation. Any words of wisdom?

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Top Answer
Bring in someone to cut the grass and clean your house and some of these chores. He doesn't get to say "no". My dad was like your DH and after five years my step mom was hospitalized - stress related illnesses because she was doing it all. Also check with local area agency on aging to find out if you can have some respite - my stepmom was able to get four hours a week - she used this time for herself. Also look into having groceries and medicines delivered.
Tell him you are helping someone out. And in return it helps you. Get a youngster to cut the grass FOR YOU ! Getting you groceries delivered is a great idea. UNLESS you do it on your own? If so then go for a coffee and a cake, meet a friend. :) Big hugs and good luck to you. :)
Has he not recovered well post hip replacement? A person does heal from this and is able to walk and do things, maybe not mow the lawn (hire that out to a service) but the entire point of hip replacement is giving someone a whole new hip. 
Hip replacement surgery has made great strides and most patients recover pretty well. He needs to start getting up and walking and moving around for his own recovery. I don’t know how old he his but whatever age, get him up and doing stuff for himself.
As for grocery shopping, do it on the Internet from a store near you that has internet shopping and delivery.
Being a caregiver to a new post op hip is exhausting. If I were you I would hire out as much as possible. 
He does not get much of choice. You work FT and deal with this? I would tell my husband to choose one or the other - either you quit your job and he supports you and the home, or he hires people to keep the rest of the house running as you cannot do both. Simple choice for him. 
You do the powerwashing? God bless you!  
I don’t need to be superwoman anymore - as you get older you have to pace yourself. 
Thanks for all the wonderful ideas. But sometimes I like doing everything then  I know it’s done right, and like cutting the grass is therapeutic, I’m just there, not worried about him. And pressure cleaning is just fun, it’s the laundry or mopping the floors so boring, and I love  my job, it’s time away. Call me crazy,, but I never thought I could do it all, but I do love challenge, it a bit too much. Yuki
What about waxing the driveway? I hope you aren’t letting that slide.
I know about liking the outdoor things. But you aren’t doing him a favor by enabling him to not use the new hips. Can you tell if he is getting up whiie you are at work? Does he appreciate your efforts or is he complaining?
Did he do his post surgery therapy? Does he need more?
Give yourself a promotion and become the household manager and not the jack of all trades. Pace yourself. Take care.
Hi guys had a talked  with him last night, I told him there are things I need him to do, like the laundry, and maybe vacuuming, he said no problem, he’s still having problems with first hip, it’s not right. And I can say he’s not an oh thanks for all you do kind of guy, I’ve excepted that , but he was an alcoholic for 40 years, and he hasn’t had a drink for almost 2 years, so I’m thinking recovery takes a little longer. When I pulled his surgeon aside and told him, he was a  alcoholic , his surgeon said didn’t he tell me he’s a heavy drinker, I would never have let him come home! He didn’t go the physical therapy and I think that’s part of the problem that now stems with trouble with first hip. He still see’s me having a few beers at night, it calms to me down at night . I think he even counts my beers, but I only have 3 a night, where as he used to have 18. Do you think part of it ,   It’s jealously? He can’t work anymore and says he wants me to retire but, why should I stay home to watch him do nothing? He the one that needs a revision surgery on the first hip and won’t do it. I’m I being selfish? We can’t go anywhere, or do anything with him not feeling well. Answers please??? yuki
97yroldmom, thanks for your advice, and yes he gets around ok but he needs revision surgery on his first hip , he went to no physical therapy for both hips , and he’s paying a price for that now. And He drank his hips away drinking so heavy for 40 yrs. now I’ve had 4 surgery’s and a baby, he was always too drunk to help me, he even forgot to pick me up from hospital one time, so he’s paying the price now. But I never expected to have to do everything. I just sometimes feel like I’m the one being punished, not him. I’m trying to look on bright side, I realize that I can do things I never thought I’d be able to do, like clean out the gutters, or trimming the bushes, and like I’ve side pressure cleaning the house, I was laughing my butt off , when I came inside the house I looked like a drowned rat. I trying to find humor in all this, even though I know it’s a serious event. Thanks your all your advice. Yuki
I would try to get his surgeon to write a prescription for out patient physical therapy. The person is probably unsure of what he can do because no one post op ever taught him. This will get him out of the house a few times a week and he can perform exercises at home on non PT days.
Why do you have 3 beers at his home every night? I would personally defer alcohol intake in front of a recovering alcoholic. You say he counts them; I sort of feel bad about that.
Do you think he is secretly drinking on the side?
Vacuuming may be too much activity for him. It’s best a professional physical therapist assess his abilities and work with him to improve.
Hope these “ideas” will give you food for thought.

Shane thanks for your words of wisdom. I’ve taken him several times to PT and had them come to house once. He threw them out. He does get out of house, and does a 45 min walk & goes to gym 3 times a week. So he’s doing something, I just think he’s bored. I’m not there to caterer to his every wim. As far as beer goes , when I’d had surgery  4 times and couldn’t drink, he showed me no favors, he wouldn’t even cook , or help with house hold jobs, And bathing me oh forget that. I was in my own. I guess I’m mad because the doctors said once I told him he was an alcoholic, that he drink his hips away. It’s one thing when you don’t ask for illnesses, but another when you do it to yourself. I’m trying to get over the bitterness, you see there is no retirement for me, he will complain about everything, I see the good, he only sees the bad. And when you don’t go to PTor even try well, you can’t have much sympathy . He wants to travel, he can’t even drive for long periods, and he has to naps 4 to 5 hrs a day. You should see if he doesn’t nap. OMG. I guess I’m just venting. I know in time he will get better, but he’s in almost a year  1/12 . So I guess it would be nice to get a thank you every once in a while. I use to baby him, but I’m finding out that does no good. Tough love is hard. He’s a work in progress,as me too. The one good thing that came out of this , is it made me stronger, and I proved to myself I can do it all. It’s not easy, but I get it done! Thanks for all the helpful advice. Yuki
You sound angry and bitter. Find a good therapist and work through your issues. You lived with an alcoholic for forty years and you need help as much as he does/did. Alanon is a good place to start.

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