want someone to talk to consider blowin my brains againsts the cieling i have devoloped a nasty addiction to prescription pills and need help. over the last 2 years i have watched my fathers downward spiral and it breaks my heart
Andrew, I feel your pain. I was 22 when my father was diagnosed with AZ seven years ago. He is now in the final stage, aged 79. All I can tell you is that this is a long process and you need to look after yourself if you want to look after him and your family. Get some counselling asap and look into care options. And f*ck everybody else. It's amazing how families come out an point fingers at the people giving care - pretty much all of my family disowned me in this period and now it's just me and my mom, but we're better off alone, we just couldn't cope with all the stress. Alzheimer's is enough on its own and nobody understands unless they've been there actually caring for the person. They have no idea, but what's worse is that they think they do. Be strong, but get some help. Counselling has been really good for both me and my mom, it might work for you too, or maybe boxing. I found smashing stuff with a sledgehammer really therapeutic. My dad is in care the past 4 yrs cos he was dangerous (very strong, used to be a mechanic - you can imagine). We're moving on now. You will too. It'll be ok. xxx
Andrew-Ok I hear you! There are answers for you so wait and listen and then choice a solution. I too was an addicted to prescription medications! For immediate help call NA or AA and you can get their phone numbers from the phone book. Your problem was not created over night so you have time to get to the solution. I'm going to get really personal here and tell you what I did. I had a counselor into mindfulness meditation. Any type of meditation can help you. In order to withdraw you will have a number of choices. Do you want to talk with the doctor that has prescribed the medication and work out a plan to titrate you safely from each one? Do you want to find an inpatient chemical dependency program or an outpatient program to help you? Can you give yourself 3-6 months to fix this problem? One step at a time and one moment at a time is what I am saying. Reaching out for help is the first step. Prescription drugs can be more addictive than street drugs so yes your hooked. It's some strong stuff so be careful and withdraw medically.
Now about your stress of being a caregiver. Taking care of anyone is stressful. You are 25 and the son of your father. Alzheimers is totally stress for anyone. So hold on and have compassion for yourself, yet you get to do the right thing for your dad also. Call 911 if you need to or if you are able to gather yourself call your fathers doctor and tell them that you can not longer take care of him at least temporiarly and get referrals. Call Adult Protective Services and tell them you have an emergency and explain where you are at and where your dad is at. They will help immediately. Stand your ground and make sure that they understand, as you are needing help right now today not an appointment. And that is an ok place to be. Let just take some steps to get you out to where you want to be. It's like a ball game and there are some innings to play. Alright? And is there another person who can come over so you can get a break? I suggest having some fun and quiet time with people/friends who care about you! You will get peace...trust and believe my friend! Donna
Oh, I am so glad to hear this, Andrew. I hope the social worker gives your some practical support. And a support network of friends is essential! Best wishes to you, and please stop back and tell us how things are working out.
thank you for your comments and support ive gotten in touch with a social worker and i think its gonna get better, i cant ask my mother for help cuz i have not spoken to here in a few years do to some legal problems, but i got a suporrt network goin and thats better than nothing
Yes, it is as bad as it sounds. Nothing here that is insurmountable or that can't be made better, but don't kid yourself, this is a bad situation that needs improving.
Here are some things that might make improvements:
1. Get help with your addiction. It is not a charater flaw, and you are certainly not the only decent, strong individual who has developed this problem. It happens so frequently that there are professionals devoted to helping people out of this self-destructive behavior. Take advantage of that. Get help! 2. Get help with the care of your father. You might have been the only kid still in town and you now might be mutually interdependent financially, and you may be committed to keeping him at home, but none of that means you have to take care of him single-handedly. Please contact Social Services in your county and ask for a social worker to do an assessment and find out what services are available for your dad. 3. Is it possible that your mother could be helpful here? Just because she made a mistake in marrying him doesn't necessary mean she has no feelings for for your father. And presumably she has feelings for you. I don't mean for her to come back and feed him or give him a bath, but how can she help you from where she is? Help do research on the Internet concerning what options are available? Help with paperwork such as Medicare application or arranging for POA, etc.? Just listening to you on the phone 1/2 hour a couple times of week? If she is willing, give her a chance to help. 4. As for the rest of the family, the sibs and half-sibs, I hate to say this, but I think I'd just turn them off for right now. You have way too much to deal with to also take on the role of the family peacemaker. Try not to burn any bridges, and hope that someday there can be some reconciliation, but for now, write them off. You owe them nothing. Politely but firmly refuse to get embroiled in their questions and criticisms. 5. To minimize future problems with the sibs, make sure the legal paperwork is in place. (Could your mother help? You obviously have enough on your plate and I hate to add to your to-do list.) Is Dad still competent to make decisions, by legal standards? If so, you (or someone) needs to help him take steps to make sure his wishes are carried out when he can no longer express his wishes. POA, Healthcare Directive, and a Will are some of the ways to do this.
I take care of my husband in our home. He has had dementia for 9 years. I have never promised him that I will keep him home no matter what. I have promised him that I will do everything in my power to see that he gets the best care possible. If the time comes when that means he goes to a long-term-care facility of some kind, I will continue to love him and advocate for him and spend time with him and I have assured him of this many times. Of course you want your father at home. And you also want what is best for him, right? At some point those two goals may be in conflict. Just something to think about ...
its not as bad as it sounds its just a long story and i cant type very good, i guess i need to vent somwhere so here goes. my parents met when my father was 53 and my mom 23, they got maried even though everybody told them it was a mistake, my father had been married twice before with children the same age as his new wife. they tried for a couple years and through the power of modern science (playing god if you will) through invitro they had triplets. growing up with a father that is that much older is differant becouse there were alot of things we couldnt do together due to his age. when i was about twelve my mother worked and my father stayed at home and did wht he liked to call his house marmin thats when i first noticed him begining to change, we didnt think to much of it at the time but looking back i think there were some preventative measures we could have taken. fast forward about twelve years later all the kids are out of the house and have familys of there own and my mother decides she is now a lesbian and moves her girlfriend in with my father. the then proceed to move to canada and since i was the only kid still living in the same town i automaticly became the one to have to move my family in with him, shortly there after he was diagnosed with alzhiemers disease. a couple months lateri was shot im both my legs and while recovering found a new appreciation for pain pills. fast forward 2 years, my family and i have tried so hard to keep our heads above water i got laid of from my job at a local construction company my wife is the sol;e provider of income besides my fathers pention wich goes to pay the house morgage and the electricity we have tried are damndest to make it work and now my siblings think we are trying to live off him, take his money ect. nobody showed an interest for our plight when we asked for help and now that we have become accustom to goin it alone everybody wants to help ie. point fingers, blame and say were not doing a good enough job, but none of them wants to help out. through this my father and i have become extremly close, but to watch the quick downward spiral of the man i still consider my daddy... the strongest man in the world is heartbreaking. i have a couple emotional conditions that make things even tougher and somtime i dont think even my wife knows what im going through. ive basicly sold everything i owned to stay afloat and im runnin out of ideas i won t put him in a home and my two children whom are both under 3 r what he lives for i guess i just need to know im not alone
Hi Andrew, You must feel extremely isolated because you are so young to be tied to this heartbreaking situation. Your addiction makes it even more heartbreaking. If you feel suicidal now please call 9-1-1. If you are hanging on but need support, please call a local chapter of narcotics anonymous (find meetings and contact numbers for your area at www.na.org.). Not only will these meetings help you with your addiction problem, they can help you learn to detach from your father's situation enough to get clarity. I believe you need community services to help you with your father, as well. Go to your state website and type "aging" in the search box. Find your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program and contact them through the site. They will have options for you and give you the support you need. This is too much for someone your age to handle. Please get help. Carol
Hi Andrew: Don't blow your brains out. You are very young and have many, many years ahead of you. Your dad won't live forever, so just get a grip and let us help you.
First of all, we need more info. Your dad is 81 and has alzhiemers. That is a very hard thing to watch and it's also hard to give that person the care they need.
How did you get addicted to pain meds? That is another question that needs answering. I so appreciate your honesty to telling us upfront that you have fallen into this addiction.
Do you live with your dad? Please let us know if you are living in his house or he is living with you.
What is your dad's income? Does he own property or have assets? Do you have a job, or has taking care of your dad been the priority?
It may be time for your father to go into assisted living or a nursing home. It may also be that you are relying on his assets in order to take care of him and don't know how to get on your own two feet. You are very young and have been dealing with this for 2 years.
Your heart may be broken watching your dad go down hill, but my guess is his heart would be broken too if you are not able to care for yourself and beat this addiction.
Lots to think about here. Give us some additional information and we will all do our best to help you.
I'm going to get really personal here and tell you what I did. I had a counselor into mindfulness meditation. Any type of meditation can help you. In order to withdraw you will have a number of choices. Do you want to talk with the doctor that has prescribed the medication and work out a plan to titrate you safely from each one? Do you want to find an inpatient chemical dependency program or an outpatient program to help you? Can you give yourself 3-6 months to fix this problem? One step at a time and one moment at a time is what I am saying.
Reaching out for help is the first step. Prescription drugs can be more addictive than street drugs so yes your hooked. It's some strong stuff so be careful and withdraw medically.
Now about your stress of being a caregiver. Taking care of anyone is stressful. You are 25 and the son of your father. Alzheimers is totally stress for anyone. So hold on and have compassion for yourself, yet you get to do the right thing for your dad also. Call 911 if you need to or if you are able to gather yourself call your fathers doctor and tell them that you can not longer take care of him at least temporiarly and get referrals. Call Adult Protective Services and tell them you have an emergency and explain where you are at and where your dad is at. They will help immediately. Stand your ground and make sure that they understand, as you are needing help right now today not an appointment. And that is an ok place to be. Let just take some steps to get you out to where you want to be. It's like a ball game and there are some innings to play. Alright?
And is there another person who can come over so you can get a break? I suggest having some fun and quiet time with people/friends who care about you!
You will get peace...trust and believe my friend! Donna
Here are some things that might make improvements:
1. Get help with your addiction. It is not a charater flaw, and you are certainly not the only decent, strong individual who has developed this problem. It happens so frequently that there are professionals devoted to helping people out of this self-destructive behavior. Take advantage of that. Get help!
2. Get help with the care of your father. You might have been the only kid still in town and you now might be mutually interdependent financially, and you may be committed to keeping him at home, but none of that means you have to take care of him single-handedly. Please contact Social Services in your county and ask for a social worker to do an assessment and find out what services are available for your dad.
3. Is it possible that your mother could be helpful here? Just because she made a mistake in marrying him doesn't necessary mean she has no feelings for for your father. And presumably she has feelings for you. I don't mean for her to come back and feed him or give him a bath, but how can she help you from where she is? Help do research on the Internet concerning what options are available? Help with paperwork such as Medicare application or arranging for POA, etc.? Just listening to you on the phone 1/2 hour a couple times of week? If she is willing, give her a chance to help.
4. As for the rest of the family, the sibs and half-sibs, I hate to say this, but I think I'd just turn them off for right now. You have way too much to deal with to also take on the role of the family peacemaker. Try not to burn any bridges, and hope that someday there can be some reconciliation, but for now, write them off. You owe them nothing. Politely but firmly refuse to get embroiled in their questions and criticisms.
5. To minimize future problems with the sibs, make sure the legal paperwork is in place. (Could your mother help? You obviously have enough on your plate and I hate to add to your to-do list.) Is Dad still competent to make decisions, by legal standards? If so, you (or someone) needs to help him take steps to make sure his wishes are carried out when he can no longer express his wishes. POA, Healthcare Directive, and a Will are some of the ways to do this.
I take care of my husband in our home. He has had dementia for 9 years. I have never promised him that I will keep him home no matter what. I have promised him that I will do everything in my power to see that he gets the best care possible. If the time comes when that means he goes to a long-term-care facility of some kind, I will continue to love him and advocate for him and spend time with him and I have assured him of this many times. Of course you want your father at home. And you also want what is best for him, right? At some point those two goals may be in conflict. Just something to think about ...
You must feel extremely isolated because you are so young to be tied to this heartbreaking situation. Your addiction makes it even more heartbreaking. If you feel suicidal now please call 9-1-1. If you are hanging on but need support, please call a local chapter of narcotics anonymous (find meetings and contact numbers for your area at www.na.org.).
Not only will these meetings help you with your addiction problem, they can help you learn to detach from your father's situation enough to get clarity.
I believe you need community services to help you with your father, as well. Go to your state website and type "aging" in the search box. Find your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program and contact them through the site. They will have options for you and give you the support you need. This is too much for someone your age to handle. Please get help.
Carol
First of all, we need more info. Your dad is 81 and has alzhiemers. That is a very hard thing to watch and it's also hard to give that person the care they need.
How did you get addicted to pain meds? That is another question that needs answering. I so appreciate your honesty to telling us upfront that you have fallen into this addiction.
Do you live with your dad? Please let us know if you are living in his house or he is living with you.
What is your dad's income? Does he own property or have assets? Do you have a job, or has taking care of your dad been the priority?
It may be time for your father to go into assisted living or a nursing home. It may also be that you are relying on his assets in order to take care of him and don't know how to get on your own two feet. You are very young and have been dealing with this for 2 years.
Your heart may be broken watching your dad go down hill, but my guess is his heart would be broken too if you are not able to care for yourself and beat this addiction.
Lots to think about here. Give us some additional information and we will all do our best to help you.
Hugs, Cattails