"When you place your loved one in a facility you can go back to being their son/daughter/spouse again." Is that a polite lie?

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If one more person pulls out that tired admonition, I may haul off and smack them. Well, maybe not but I'll want to. It may be true for those who need physical care or are in the early stages of dementia, but I have no doubt that my mom's tenuous grasp of my identity will disappear as my presence is reduced to one of many.


My father forgot who I was after he went in the hospital the last week of his life. I became one of the hospital staff to him. It didn't bother me, to tell the truth. It was a little odd when he started explaining to me that he was stone deaf and other things. I wanted to say, "Yeah, I've known you my whole life," but left it alone. Identity is one thing that may be lost when they go into a facility, especially if they are in later stages of dementia. That is a mixed blessing, since they won't be asking to go home repeatedly or to bring them things every day. But it can be very sad to lose the bind tying you together. You have been caring for your mother a long time, so I know it will be hard for you to see the changes.
Ha ha, gotta love those Admins, I wrote that as a statement, not a question.

I've always thought that it doesn't matter where they are once they don't know people and places any more, but I'm finding out that it does matter to me :(
I just got told to book transport for her tomorrow morning... this is becoming real much to fast.
Aw so sorry. I have 11 days and will be moving Mom from an AL to a nursing home under Medicaid. Money ran out and house didn't sell. She is beyond me taking care of. I have met most of the Medicaid requirements. Just her prepaid funeral and bank balance showing under 2000 which will happen the first of the month. Not sure how she will acclimate. Her stay in rehab was awful. So, not looking forward to this transfer. But not much I can do. Because of my back, I cannot take care of her.
I spent the afternoon on the phone booking wheelchair transport, giving sis a heads up, then running around packing, labelling clothes, doing last minute laundry etc. So I get a phone call at 3:58... "I guess they want to do it Friday" says case manager. Ack!! Transport co. closes at 4:00, but I managed to get someone on the way out the door. I had asked why not wait til Friday in the first place, but she insisted I make arrangements for Thursday. Honestly, these people do this all the time, they should know the system and they must know the families are stressed to the max, so why a (literally) last minute change in plans? And they get offended when I tell them to get a clue?
I agree, a lot of the frustration comes from the people u have to work with. Nothing is made simple for the family members. A lot of pressure will be taken off m shoulders once Mom is in the NH on Medicaid. I will not have to worry about Dr. Bills or pharmacy payments. The house will have to be let go for nonpayment of taxes and a lean by Medicaid. Once I get places to live for nephew and Gson I can turn off the utilities. All I'll be responsible for is visiting Mom, washing her clothes and dealing with the personnel.

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