I am worried not only about my Nan, but more so my Mum...

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Hi Everyone,
Basically my Nan is 79 years old and last year lost her husband, my dear granddad, of whom she was married to for 62 years.
She was dealing with it fine at first and i always there with her most days doing normal things.
Then 6 months after she got a nasty water infection and fell around 6 times within 3 months, was in and out of hospital with fractures etc. To cut a very long story short, my mum mainly with help from me, my sister and dad actually aided her back to her normal self, she wouldn't accept carers and it was extremely challenging as my nan is very independent and faisty! (Plus my mum dad and sister all work challenging full time jobs so was just me during days and them night times and mornings.)

7 months went by and nan was finally back to normal, walking around and doing her own jobs etc. But then got another water infection and just recently went to hospital for a week with 2 fractures in pelvis. The weeks just finished up and nans been moved to a rehab centre for 2 weeks where they help people to get back on to their feet and gain independence.

Nans always done everything herself, extremely proud person and hates outside help, along with the start of dementia she is extremely confused and angry. She takes it out most on me and mum and along with mums stressful job, i worry about her the most. She is so kind and lovely and feels shes let nan down. I try and help as much as i can but can't seem to cheer mum up. Mum has 3 siblings. Her sister helps but i don't feel she gets it like mum does. Her 2 brothers don't really understand how nan and its a shame because i think mum could do with more support from her siblings.

It's hard to deal with nans anger and irrational thoughts and i know its partly dementia but she thinks we have schemed against and put her in a home, which is not the case, we all want her home in her own environment!

She's very difficult at the rehab centre and they said she locked herself in a cupboard.

Is there any advice anyone could give at all?

Mums constantly feeling guilty and promised her she would never put her in a home, but if nan won't accept outside help and is then always arguing with mum and people who care about her, then what are we to do?

Thanks v. much for reading.

1 Comment

Maybe it is time that Nan realizes that she needs outside help... and she won't have a choice in this matter.

When did your Mum promise not to put her own Mum in a home? Was it back when grandma was healthy, getting around on her own? That is usually when promises are made because a grown child never picture their own parent as becoming elderly. Once the parent has age related decline and memory issues, it's a whole different situation. And one needs to do what is best for the elder, even if it means moving into a continuing care home.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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