As a caregiver, when you are worn out and you feel that there is nothing more you can do... Please seek help!

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There is no more I can do, Im trying to care for my mom with no money now, havent been to work in over 2 weeks. I have no savings or support from family and no close friends. Have used my mothers monthly check this month for our support because I have not been to work, so now I have to wait until the 1st of October for any funds. The best thing to do now is end it for myself and then maybe someone will take care of her. Please I hope none uses her for her money,this is the coward way out but I cant handle this strress anymore! May god forgive me.


There is help out there and people to help you find it. Please let some of us that have been in similar situations help.
Denise, please don't solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution like killing yourself! I know that you don't think so now, but things will get better!

There are people who care & can help you, if you'll let them! Please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 1-800-273-8255.

Everyone one this site is going through simular situations as you & we're here to help each other!
Guess Im not a coward! Even though I got angry, I wound up laughing so hard at my mom, she wante to make spaghetti and meatballs, I thought it may be a good idea at least we could eat for a few days! Well I spent my last bit of money on all the ingredients and when it was finished and I asked her to come eat, she said "I dont really care for spaghetti all that much" WOW!! thats enough to make u want to scream. Georgia I took your advice and call the suicide line and you know what, I dont think I could have done it anyway. I have a close friend In Washington State that has been insisting to leave all the material things here in Baltimore and come there,she called me and hour ago and said I was on her mind, my own siblings and mothers brother and sister-in-law has not done that! She told me to go on line and take the benefits checkup, and you know what, I printed out so much material for both mysel and mom! Im going to go up there the first of October and ask questions and check things out, this may be my chance!! thankyou for your support. Even some of her friends has called and say they would help with my mom check out daycares Monday morn
Denise, I am glad your friend in Washington cares and has offered you encouragement and support. Your Mom needs you even if you need to place her in a nursing home. Your life is worth living, and there is nothing wrong with needing a break from caregiving, or being tired of being a caregiver. You are stressed and tired. Just as you did here, keep letting others know that you need help, especially on that suicide prevention line and your state's aging agency. Even if you wouldn't commit suicide as you now think, still call that line when you feel stressed. That's why they're there. Keep sharing, because from the answers you already received, there are many right at this site who care. Hang in there. Most of us caregivers understand stress and exhaustion. You are not alone even if it feels that way. On the job, were you eligible for Family and Medical Leave Act, or does your absence for 2 weeks mean that your employment has been terminated? Have you, or did you ask your workplace whether you could reduce your hours of work or whether there may have been a part-time job you could hold onto if you wanted to?
Denise, I am SSSOOOOO glad to hear from you & that you called the Lifeline & that you wouldn't go thorugh with it! Trust me, I DO understand!!! I've been there!!! And you're not a coward, you're just tired, like the rest of us! We're in the same boat! You don't have to do this alone! You've got us, here on the web-site to vent to & blow off steam to!

I'm glad that you & your Mom made spaghetti & even got a laugh out of it! That's just about like 'em to tell you that they don't like something at the last minute! My husband wouldn't eat hardly anything all day yesterday, although it was offered to him & then about bedtime last night told me that he was hungry! Duh!!! I guess so if you hadn't eaten all day! LOL
See we all gotta laugh or we'll go crazy!

I'm so glad that your friend called & is wanting you to go to her in Washington State! Sounds like you'll have a great support team there. True friends are the best...most of the time even better than family!!!

Please keep in touch via this site & let us know how things are going! We love to hear success stories, too! : )
Hi Isabel and thank you, yes I have FMLA on my job, thats the only positive thing going right now,but hey its unpaid! Working part ime is no help if no one is here to watch my mom, I have to make myself believe I am going to be ok. Got 3 weeks before the first of the month when my mom checks come and I know that I have to budget it realllly hard to hold us until some real help comes. See the bottom line is my state says my moms incom is too much for state help. And if I can even pay a caregiver I sure cant pay an adult day care, but Im goind to keep plugging away! This cant stay like this always (can it?)
Denise55 Hi there.. wow you know what I got online students whose country is notoriously known for suicide cases. In fact, when I was in their country I saw myself how one entire family, or these days they do it via online arrange suicide dates inside car (carbon poisoning). I won't mention the country. But in your case, don't do it. I understand you have 2 grown up kids. Do they help? I mean do you ask properly in a nice way for help from them. It may not be your culture for grown up kids to pitch in help. You're 2 weeks going 3 weeks jobless, congratulations. I'm 2 months, 3 weeks jobless... going for my 3rd month now soon by end of sept. Hahaha.... we laugh, or else we go crazy... What can we do. And yes I agree with another fellow caregiver what she wrote that friends are sometimes better in sending immediate rescue than actual relatives. Except for very few trusted relatives of my mom, I gave up on most of my relatives. It's good to have that attitude, because it minimizes my dependency on them, and makes my feelings immune to all sorts of nasty words that they will say in case another sudden medical emergency happens again to my mom. I learned to become an emotional pachyderm as thick-skinned as an elephant!!! I have to, I got more actions as a caregiver breadwinner all around domestic helper only child single parent for myself, my mom and my daughter. Superwoman all in one! Congratulations to all of us. Take care, let us know what's happening. Count your blessings, you're in a country with lots of financial resources to turn to... In my case, I don't have that. My country is super broke & corrupt. I wish I had been born elsewhere more progressive, developed and wealthier.
Yes, FMLA is unpaid, though still good to know you haven't lost your job. I understand, though.

Laws governing income guidelines for elders are ridiculous and out of step with the reality of most caregivers, as your story shows. Legislators and others turn a blind eye to the plight of elders and caregivers. There is a whole lot of talk - and very little support unless an elder is destitute. It makes no sense.
Call your county department of social services. Tell them what you have posted here and tell them someone is going to have to help you immediately because you can't do it for another day. Call them now. I had to call mine and now my mother is on medicaid and in a nursing home. I am alive.
My mom does not qualify for medicaid here in Maryland, trust me I have called them and every other agency in Baltimore. I have found her and adult day care to go to 3 days weekly, and even sat or sund depending on the activities, I have mad up my mind to relocate soon, and have several rescources looking out for me in Wash state. I have had enough of Baltimore, my non supportive siblings and my only 2 grown children who have not even checked on me or mom to see if everything is ok. Sometimes non family members can be your best support. I have nothing else to give because in the end I got nothing in return. Its just me and my mom against the world!!! Im gonna be ok

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