Well, they won't accept my husband back.

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It finally happened. The residential board and care memory home, said they would not take him back after his last episode. He tried to pull his Foley cathader out AGAIN, and purposely splattered his blood all over the room. Then when the respite caregiver tried to calm him down he threw his walker at her and tried to hit her. Ambulance was called and they took him up to the hospital in psychiatric care. He has been there 4 days, had an evaluation, and now they are trying to find an available bed in a behavioural hospital. My question, what kind of hospital are they talking about? And, can I request a partial refund for the last half of the month from this home? He has been there since April 1st, and has only spent nor more than 2 weeks there. He was causing problems from the beginning saying he wanted to go home then he wanted to go back to Germany to live with his dad, (dad has been gone for over 30 years) then he thought someone was spying on him outside, chasing him. Last week he tgrew away all the plates and stuff when the head of the house was making dinner bc he thought she was poisoning everyone. He was also busting into the other 3 residents rooms in the middle of the night. I understand how frustrating and difficult this was, I tried to handle it here and he was worse! I just think some of the.episodes could have been handled differently. This whole thing has been stressful, and I think handled poorly. I saw him last night. I didn't stay long. He seems calmer, but confused. And very tired. He really didn't recognize. In and out but kept asking bizarre questions then drifting off. I left went down to the car and burst into tears. This has been horrible. Plus the.financial strain is killing me. I can make it. But it's hard with an old house, and plus, everything I go to try to make a budget, that home would call with another crisis. I pray this is going to end soon. As for the.home everything went to.that place and I feel a little ripped off. But if they kicked.him out am I in titled to get back a little money?

24 Comments

Does your husband have a diagnosis?
I don't have any suggestions except that perhaps it's time for a more controlled environment, an evaluation of any meds he's on, and/or both.

As to getting a refund, read the admission application and see what provisions there are for this kind of situation. It'll be the governing document.

I hope you can find some peace with all the turmoil taking place now. It must be so frustrating and exasperating.
You should have the answer to your question by looking back at the papers that were signed upon admittance. I'm quite sure it tLks about partial residency. Read everything over carefully. Certainly for June you are entitled to a refund since they are breaking your contract.

Your husband is a mess. Dangerous to himself and others. He is way under-medicated. Insist that doctors give him sedation or psychotropics to get him compliant. Don't doubt it for a minute: your husband was miserable before he went under psychiatric care.
Dad had to go to a lockdown psychiatric hospital for a few weeks. This was years ago, but it probably hasn't changed much. They tried different meds and evaluated them until they got a good combination. He was violent too. We were able to visit him. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened, even though we might not have thought so at the time.
It sounds as though he will need to go into memory care. if you don't have the funds you will have to apply for Medicaid for him. This will be a long hastle and the social worker should be able to help you. If you have not got all the legal stuff under control you should see an eldercare lawyer as soon as possible. i am assuming you are both seniors.
As far as the care home is concerned they are the people who refused to take him back you may be able to get some kind of a refund. I totally understand why they refused to take him back they simply don't have staff or experience to deal with him. they also risk loosing their other clients too.
I would contact the facility and try to get as much money back as possible. It depends on the contract, but when my loved one had to leave a certain assisted living due to her wandering, she got a refund for all days she was not there.

It sounds like it might not be safe for your husband to stay where he was. It sounds like a psychiatric hospital might be able to offer him more supervision and treatment. Hopefully, some medication combination will help give him some peace.
Many contracts do not allow refunds, instead if they have to be in higher level of care because he is dangerous to himself or others they often charge for the entire month they are moved. If he is not suitable in a care home, your only option may be a nursing home or psych hospital. That is where the heavy duty drugs are dispensed.

Why are you paying his rent? Medicaid will pay for some facikities if Medicaid approved, which mant care homes are. If he does not have Medicaid, it is time to go through that process or it will break you.
I heard from the case worker the day he was admitted. Since then. Nothing. The nurse has been ok about goving me updates and the doctor calked me yesterday to tell me all beds were full but their feelers were out for other facilities. As for that home i truley feel ripped off i sm going to dend her a text message now and ask her about it. They wont take him back. Btw he has been on serquel? Forgive my spelling i cant pronounce most of these drugs anyhow) for the last month.when the doctor called me that night he said they could not give him anything else bc it would cause him to slerp all the time? That didnt sound right to me. I think the home dropped the ball here, but i am alone and having a hard time sorting all of this out. Btw, since my husband was taken out of our home 4 months ago, i have noticed a big attitude change in the people i deal with on a daily basis. Meaning the pet store, grocery stores, even our local vet who we have spent ALOT of money have been well kind of mean? I called the vet today who has been taking care of our little kitty for 4 years. She is 18 and has been on pain killets and another drug for her problems. I think she is dehydrated, and is having a hard time eith her little back legs. So i called down there to get her in for a check. In the past they would say bring her in or can you be here in an hour? Never turned her down. I called them today and they said oh we are booked you could bring her to the urgent care, but it is a little expensive! well how much have we spent??not to mention taking our other 2 cats in there. Not to mention that er, which is their sister vet, is waaaay out on the other side of town! I wont put our old lady rhru that, she doesnt need to be stressed out at this point. And the grocery store, wow,cold and unfriendly. Why would their attitude change??
Kixxy, how long has your husband been ill? And for how long were you coping with him at home?

If you live in a smallish neighbourhood, a sudden change of attitude from people you've been dealing with for a long time would make me wonder if you've got a gossip-monger on your hands - someone who's been telling far-fetched tales about the reason for your husband going into memory care, that kind of thing. More likely that, I'd have thought, than all of these people, individually, being so insensitive to someone who's going through what you're having to cope with. Is that possible? Having said that, be careful not to get paranoid. You must be terribly terribly stressed out and exhausted, and it's all too easy to start reading negative meanings into situations wrongly.
His health started to decline about two years ago. The last year he was diagnosed with alzhiemers and he went from bad to worse. Paranoid, violent, hateful. The verbal abuse was daily, but the physical didnt get bad until the last 5 months. And yes its a small town, and plenty of gossip mongers. But someone told me it coild be jealousy. I am a woman who is suddenly alone.which is stupid if they are jealous, there is nothing scarier than being alone in this house at this time and to have to deall with everything, i wish my mom was still alive (((she would be kicking alot of butts!))

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