We reached a sad milestone this week.

Started by

I withdrew my husband (85, dementia) from the adult day health program he's been going to for four years. I had to face that he is no longer having enough good days consistently enough to benefit from it. It was an awesome program, and I highly recommend looking into such programs for elders who need some supervision and interaction with others..

I work full time (from home) so we are now going to try in-home care in the form of a PCA several hours a few days a week. I'm waiting for the agency to find a resource with time to match our schedule.

When people compare caregiving someone with dementia to raising children, I understand the analogy. All the basic issues of feeding and incontinence and lack of understanding and skill are there. But the huge, huge difference, to me, is in the nature of the milestones. Throughout childhood, many of milestones are bittersweet, because each first step and first day of school and first date take the child a little further from us. But that is as it should be and even if we are a little teary-eyed, we basically rejoice.

There is no rejoicing in the milestones of the progress of dementia. I'm teary-eyed this week, and there is no joy in it.

May all of us on this journey find strength.


Hi Jeanne, May God bless you for all of the care you have been giving to family and for all of the knowledge you so generously share here. While each step on this journey brings such angst, I've found some new joys as well. I have traveled with my Mom from independent, to me spending a lot of time with her, to having aides for certain hours, to 24/7 care, to hospital to rehab and presently to an AL for memory care. Personally, I found the transitions to be the worst but then things settle in a bit. If anyone can find some positives on this new path, I KNOW you can. Wishing you and your husband all the best.
I hope everything will work out for you. Thank you for always being there to help others. It's amazing where we find strength to take on all different walks of life. We just keep going. Your husband knows how lucky he is to have a wonderful wife like you.

I know everything will go well for you. It's amazing how much strength we have to keep on moving. Your husband knows he's lucky to have such a wonderful wife like you. Thank you for all the help you give to us as well. Take care of yourself too!

Jeanne, as I go thru the milestones with those I care for and about, I hate this disease more and more... Seems all I can offer them is dignity, and I know this is a gift your husband gets from you every day..and the physical comforts of being clean and fed, seems so simple yet can be so hard to do. You will hear over and over all the contributions you have made to all of us, but I know your husband gets all this from you first... prayers for you and your husband.. you are not alone, not in the spiritual sense anyway... Prayers for you for comfort for your hurting heart.
Dear Jeanne,

Sending blessings to your & your husband as you start the next leg of your journey. You are a bright light in this world. Thank you for you honesty and the kind advice you dispense with such grace.

Jeanne, when it seems we find something that works, things change and we face a totally new situation. To me it is like reality shifts. The most I can wish for you is the strength to adjust to the new circumstance. You seem to have a gift of understanding, accepting, and adjusting. I hope your gift carries you through these next few days. Big hugs to you.
I felt the pain of your story... wish I could do something. I just trust the person who is chosen to come and help support you and enhance your husband's life is kind, thoughtful, gentle, and worthy of the assignment.
Jeanne: I'm truly sorry that things are changing for you and your husband. You have done such an amazing job keeping him involved in activities and giving him your love, understanding and support. As everyone says, you've also been able to make time to give thoughtful and kind support to those on this site. I wish I could meet you and be there to lend a hand. Thanks for letting me get to know you through with website. My prayers are with you and I am sure you will find the right person to assist you in this next phase of your life. God Bless you.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support