Haven't posted in a while. I really haven't had time. Quick update: put Dad back into IL facility, and thanks to therapy have learned to set some boundaries. Now that I know he's in a safe place, I have gotten better at saying "no". Unfortunately, most of my time is now spent holding down two jobs to help with the bills that the VA doesn't cover for Dad's care.
Anywho...every couple of months, after much begging, my sister will reluctantly pick Daddy up and take him back to his hometown (he gave her his house). Such was the case this weekend. I made sure everything was packed up and ready for Daddy (as usual) and left detailed instructions for her both written and via text on his needs.
I worked my full time job all day Friday and went straight to my second job (yes a 16 hour day). My second job has strict rules about cell phone use. We must keep them on SILENT during work hours so if I don't see my phone when an incoming call comes in, I have no idea someone is trying to contact me. We were extremely busy (hospitality industry), so I did not realize my sister had been trying to contact me for a couple of hours.
Needless to say, once my Dad got to his hometown, he had a panic attack. He has COPD and the panic attacks make it even harder for him to breathe. He has a rescue inhaler which they used, but he apparently kept asking for me and wanting to come back home. I'm sure this was scary for my sister and her daughter so while a part of me can understand their frustration, I don't think it merited the vicious text I received from my neice...
She basically said it was F***ed up that I purposely ignored their phone calls and texts and I was completely selfish and that I will feel bad once Daddy dies... multiple jobs or not I should have put Daddy first... that she was disappointed in me... blah blah blah...
Seriously? I'm nearly 40 years old and she was talking to me this way, and my sister ALLOWED it? I was soooo hurt.
Granted, this very disrespectful niece has NEVER visited her Grandpa and only sees him the few times he visits our hometown. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. She said I was a bad daughter. That I was selfish... that she was disappointed in me?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Am I? Is it bad that I text my sister and let her know how hard it is to do this on my own?
I feel so guilty for even sending Daddy now. I just wanted a couple of days of rest... for FREE. We can't afford respite care.
I didn't purposely ignore my phone. I had no idea they were trying to contact me. Should I have paid more attention to the phone? What IF something would have happened?
Round and round we go.