Why caregivers go crazy

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I handle my mother's medications. A couple of years back her pharmacy stopped handling Part B Medicare. My mother is diabetic and gets her testing supplies under Part B. So I asked her doctor to send the prescription to Walgreen's, since it handles Part B. Then her doctor starts sending all the prescriptions there. I got it straightened out, but every time I have to order testing supplies, it happens again. This time the doctor not only switched to Walgreen's, they switched to one that was a few miles away. Grr.

Another thing is driving me crazy. My normal shower time is around 7 PM. My mother used to shower at another time. My night schedule is based on my 7:00 shower time. Now my mother showers every evening at 7:00. I've said something, but she says she has always showered at that time.

These things seem trivial, but these things mount up. I wondered why we waited to get to the sandwich generation before the doctors built walls around themselves so you have to do things through the computer, instead of being able to talk to a person. This is when they are prescribing multiple medications being sent out to who knows where. It is up to the caregiver to figure it all out. How did it all get so irritating?

I hope I never have to take any pills ever.


Girl, I can't believe you are still taking care of that woman. My mother,well I don't know what would have happened with her if I hadn't "taken over". I did so out of a sense of duty,but duty gets old after so many years and I wanted to go AWOL. So much paper work,so much time on the phone to the insurance company over a bill, or her numerous doctors and coordinating care, and the ER vigils etc. Isn't there any way you can get her to AL, and get yourself out of there, have a life? I finally made it to the dentist in Sept. this year. First dentist visit for me in 4 yrs and 9 months.Please, get out of that house, enough is enough.
Evidently, timbuktu missed The Hulk thread. Lol!
I did! What is The Hulk thread about? I really haven't posted or read from this site for probably a year and I am still trying to catch up with names I recognized and read about what has happened with them and read all the newbies that are posting. What did I miss, really The Hulk thread?
I can't blame my mother for the pharmacy thing. When things like this happen, I wonder if people sit around and plot how they can make things harder on caregivers, instead of easier. Of course, I know they don't. I know they're just doing things automatically with whatever is in the computer. The personal touch has been lost when it comes to medical care.

Timbuktu, I can't believe I'm still here, either. I talk to my mother about AL quite often. She tells me to go ahead and leave and she'll be fine by herself at home. She doesn't like people and wants to live how she wants.
I believe stress drives us to going crazy. Except we can’t because they are, or maybe they aren’t , but getting close. So we suck it up and do and be the impossible, the everything they need us to be , because we are who we are. Decent people, doing the best we can. At a cost to us. Who else would do it if we didn’t? So we endure. Daily , nightly until we can’t anymore. Hopefully with a sense of grace and kindness. Because they did bring us into this world and fed and nurtured us so I guess most of us feel we owe them. BUT the stress, the fear of what’s coming next and when can drive anyone crazy. So we cope the best we can
Just make sure that place of "So we cope the best we can" is a good ,healthy place for the caregiver. If it isn't, and we all know ourselves the best, start doing something about it. This isn't criticism, this is pleading. You don't always have to be a hands on caregiver to be a good caregiver.If you don't prioritize yourself, you aren't going to be able to help anybody. A caregiver that is well rested ,eating healthy,going to their own MD appointments,working towards building their own retirement ,able to handle everyday responsibilities of being a parent if minor children still in home is a MUCH better caregiver than one that is, well, we are all aware of the opposite. If you are unable to live as a well rested caregiver,identify the problem and start doing something about it.It has to stop. Being a martyr is not honoring your parents.
One thing I think would be good in the group is to let people talk without the immediate thing of getting out and putting a parent in AL or NH. That is not a solution for most people on the group at times. It is just a conversation stopper. You guys can take it from here. I run into this anytime I try to talk. It may be true, but it is beyond my control to get her into a facility. It's too bad that this is no longer a good place to just vent.
Jessie, please, I am very sorry if I offended you. I always like to read your posts.My placement of my mother was not an immediate action. I was able to handle her care in my home for only 4 yrs. and then I just broke down, the hypervigilance, the constant anxiety over was I doing the right thing,always second guessing myself, I just wound down like a worn out clock that had been going 24/7 with no end in sight. But no matter what my problems were, my mother still needed care. I was lucky, found an AL close to home and 3 months before I would be diagnosed with breast cancer that required surgery and chemo. There is no way I could have cared for her in my condition at that time, her being in the AL gave me peace of mind, I had done my homework and checked them out,made frequent unannounced drop in visits,met with all the employees that would be my mom's handson caregivers.I guess what I am trying to say I know what it feels like to feel and be trapped,exhausted, frustrated ,trying to do your best but it's never good enough,just a vicious cycle.I feel sad knowing others are going thru the same things/emotions I had doing handson caregiving , I wish I could somehow make them feel better.So, again, please accept my apology JessieBell . It is so hard at times to really express feelings when I just don't have the right words.You are my hero, JB, I would always look for your posts because your words made me feel I wasn't just the only one,somebody else was experiencing this.
Sorry JB, those of us who have had to place the one we care for in a facility are kind of like born again christians, our lives have been so transformed we have to tell everybody.
I think part of what's crazy making is that we are held responsible for "fixing" things without being given the power to actually make changes. We are "required" to make really poor choices work for other people at the cost of our own health. And, yes, slavery was outlawed. But if you are raised to be codependent, in a dysfunctional family, and you know the person may be injured severely if you don't intervene to the best you can? I think a lot of the time it's a slippery slope - we'll help just this time. Or do this one thing. My problem is that making certain boundaries has caused real problems with my marriage. I'm not the only one. And when people actively gaslight you? If you are fragile and seeking acceptance? Bad news all over. JB, you try to do the right thing according to your beliefs. When it quits working for you and the rabbit, it won't matter how much your brothers complain. You will manage. I know I did, but it's at such a cost it's hard to hang onto sometimes....

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