When you see someone not helping their sibling.

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I went through h3ll taking care of my parents alone. My siblings gave me virtual pats on the back but never visited or helped.
I ended up having severe mental breakdowns..
My so called boyfriend is doing the same thing and I am being eaten up
inside with anger.
His sister lives very far away and cares for her extremely ill mother and elderly father. Her entire life has been dedicated to her parents care.
The care laws are different there in that they wont help pay for help because she lives with them and has full time job.
That's beside the point.
My situation is that I am sickened by his lack of response. He has no job or family here but will not go and help her- she is losing her mind like I did and I am so disgusted with him.
He saw what this exact situation did to me!


..,and you're staying with him,why?
So you're getting early insight into how he responds, or rather doesn't respond, to family caregiving issues. This should be a wake-up call for you if you expect any kind of long term relationship with him. Would you ever consider marrying someone who won't even help out with his own sister? If not, then why continue the relationship? It's obviously making you very upset.

Granted that he might be overwhelmed or one of those kind of people who just can't jump in and help, but there are things he could do other than the hands-on caregiving.

However, you can't make him conform to your standards, right or wrong.

Stop allowing the anger to control you. Discuss it with him, and at least give him a chance to share his position. If he's adamant that he's not going to help, your choices are basically accept that this is his character and don't expect more than he already is, or find someone who does meet your standards.
Just realized he also has no job. Is this an habitual situation? If so, I also ask: why do you continue to have a relationship with him?
He is your boyfriend, not your spouse. For many people that is a time of getting to know each other very well. And what you learn either enhances and solidifies the relationship or causing some re-thinking of the long-term expectations.

You are finding some things out about this man. You can base future decisions on that knowledge.
Mica my dear - the traits you disclose are exactly why your BF should not ever be your husband. He's what you should keep in your "casual dating" category. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, it is best distance yourself and find a partner that shares the same values.
Mica, your BF sounds like he has similar traits to my brother. I've read some of your posts and you've endured too much to settle on him. You deserve better and you are worth it. My brother's GF has been so upset on him being vacant throughout my parents care even leading up to my mom's death. But it has always been that way, vacant and only shows up on rare occasion or when he benefits personally.

I told her don't think so little of yourself, you know the deal here. When I got married 20 years ago he told my hub, hey you have your blanking buddies and then you have your wife (me)! Hub's jaw dropped and said OMG can't believe he has such disrespect for you. I said par for the course as far as women period. I won't even tell you the friends I've had that are what I call single married women. They're married but the spouse is absent for whatever the reasons. No support, little love and concern, just don't care. To me it's better to be single than to live in that situation.

May not be that bad on your end, but I've seen it up close enough to know it's just not worth the trouble and grief after all you've been through. You deserve better and I hope you believe that enough to let him go and start over.
thank you all very much.
When I was caring for my mother 24x7 and weak I allowed him to come stay with me to help "till spring", that was a year ago.
Now he says he doesnt want to leave me because he doesnt want to 'abandon' me- I have told him I do not feel that way.
It was easier to break up with my last bf who was abusive than this "kind nice, helpful guy" - Yes, this is making you stronger women nuts to read this... I havent even touched him this whole year. what the heck is wrong with me?!
what the heck is wrong with him?!
Anyways... I am going to read comments again to gain strength-
maybe i shouldnt expect him to go to the other side of the earth just because of how I feel...... but this living situation has got to go.
Yes mica, you should expect him to go to the ends of the earth for you! My ex-husband wouldn't cross the street for me - hence "ex". My wonderful hubby of almost 18 years would die for me and I in return. That's the way is should be - and can be!
Not going nuts here Mica, strong can mean different things. I'm pretty strong, but not Helen Reddy strong, for example, that's not me. But I think back to where you were on your earlier posts and there's no doubt in my mind that you are in fact a very strong person, give yourself credit for that. You know the answer already, and you don't really need us to tell you, but encouragement never hurts:-)
I feel your anger, I have a brother that is doing the same thing, the only thing I can tell you is "what goes around comes around". Just let it go for your health's sake. You can not change anyone.

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