When the "non-helping" family complains.

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As everyone here knows, I have had MANY struggles with becoming a caregiver for my IMPOSSIBLY NARCISSISTIC and abusive father.

It's been a few months, and between his dementia denial, outbursts, moodswings and intolerable behavior and doing the majority of this on my own, I'm exhausted.

The latest dilemma: FINANCES! Dad accuses me of taking his money DAILY, and I've learned one major thing... this is EXPENSIVE! As a result, I decided to move him out of the Assisted Living facility (he is hardly there due to attending Adult Day Care and he doesn't use the amenities when he is) and into a flat, one bedroom apartment with a paid caregiver (who has been a GODSEND).

This is more economical and quite frankly convenient, but the "family" thinks I'm making a mistake. Apparently, I'm not supposed to have a life. I've been reprimanded for hiring the caregiver... now I'm the bad guy for moving him out of the facility that NO ONE helps us pay for...

They come once a month to take him to dinner and think they're helping!!! No one is helping us move. I asked... everyone is busy!

The only consistent non-paid help I have is the BF Dad hates (who is taking his only day off to move Dad to the new place)

I dunno.... I just needed to vent. It's like I can't win...


Simply explain that he couldn't afford it, end of discussion. And for you own protection keep immaculate financial records!
So what would be immaculate records? I used to work in an accounting office, and think I am prepared for The Inquisition from 4 very different siblings, after my mom passes (or before! ). I am saving everything, paper copies in 3-ring binders with little side tabs for each category,.and electronic copies with folders the same.as tabbies. I've also taken photos at some.point of all doctor appointments. I'm considering an app that would give my GPS coordinates at any given time......talk about feeling like I have to document my actions towards my mom's well-being. Open to any ideas....

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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