When the caregiver needs care.

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Just had major surgery on March 18. A 12 lb fibroid uterus removed. Took 3 surgeons and none of them had ever seen anything like it. Mom was placed in AL while I recouped. Supposed to be for @ 8 wks but she cried and carried on her Jitterbug phone she could barely use @ wanting to come home. (I thought that having to follow and train a series of home care @ wasn't recouping enough for me). Mom informed me that since it's her house and her $$ she did not appreciate feeling unwelcome in her home. So 2 wks @ my major surgery on my birthday a home care person and I went and packed her up and brought her back home. the home care person was this teeny tiny Filipino who had a hard time transferring my tall mom and since I can't do any lifting I could only watch in horror. (This is SOO what I wanted to avoid and why her butt needed to stay in AL). Then they sent over an even smaller Filipino live in who said she would "try to see if she could". She was sent away and I'm flipping out (NOT PART OF THE RECOVERY PROCESS) Now we have another and then they'll be another and so on bc there is no Mary Poppins who will devout 365 24/7 of their lives and why would they? So I have to do meal planning and shopping for all this instead of really taking it easier and not having to deal with any of them. The one we have now is nice and great with transfers but a little lax on the laundry and housekeeping. But it's mom's house and her $$$. In addition mom is now accusing me of stealing her insurance $$ to pay for my medical (which she pays for out of her checking account).My cousin wants me to get guardianship but right now I'm lucky she's letting me get POA. If I totally recoup from this, it will be a miracle.


Why is your mother paying for your medical bills? With the Affordable Care Act can you not qualify for free or reduced medical insurance costs? Being a caregiver to your mother in her home can be complicated if you do not have your own income source. Can your mother afford a second home care person to handle the housekeeping and laundry while you recouperate? It is common for the elderly with dementia to make unfounded accusations. I would think twice about seeking guardianship unless your mother is totally incapable of making sound decisions. The process is expensive and emotionally devastating to everyone concerned. Good luck and hopefully that miracle willl happen.
oh the stress of it! My goodness. You need to calm down. I am going to pray for you that you get peace and rest. I am in a very similar situation, but my father does have hospice, and they do bathe him a couple of days a week and a nurse comes to visit him and she will change his diaper while shes here. Right now Im down in the back. Not enough to not get up and do what I need to do..I am sorry youre having to deal with so much. just know you aren't alone . God bless you and I pray you mend up and get the recoup necessary.
Oh, Kedwards, I so hate those words "This is my house" or "It's my money." It is the same as saying to me that I am a toddler with no rights. Looking back, it would have been nice if your mother thought you were not going to even be home for 8 weeks. I have a hard time understanding why some parents can only see themselves when they get older, no matter how it hurts their child. I am mad at your mother, probably because she reminds me so much of my own. I don't know how we handle it sometimes. No advice from me here, just a lot of understanding. I wish I were there to help with things so you could get some down time to recover. You don't need the stress.
I would think that you could have went to rehab, yourself. I am on your side and I saw my Mother treat my sisters like you are being treated. As you know, now, your mom should have never left AL. I am surprised that AL allowed her to live there, if she is more than a 1 person transfer.

My sister died taking care of my mother. Mom is now in a NH and is thriving. She put the bite on us recently to "Take her to the house, to pick up a few things." That is impossible and she is not mobile at all. We heard it all day long. Never mind that is was 29 degrees and freezing rain.

But, I say "No." You just can't give in.

All I can say, is the next time that Mom is in the hospital, etc. be sure that the MD knows that you cannot take care of her.

If there is somewhere that you can go, now, do it. Also, do not answer those calls from your mother. I couldn't get my sister to stop the calls on the phone. She would complain about the constant interruption, but wouldn't turn off her phone.
Thx for the support. And to the one who posed why I don't have Obamacare. My mother paid my medical bc I'm her 24/7 365 homecare provider. I was looking for work but do pet sitting and dog walking so I can be the 24/7 365. But like I said in the opening even the caregiver needs care once in a while. And that "care" that I needed was major surgery requiring major recuperating time. Don't worry in time we will all be on Obamacare because that is its ultimate design. But I don't care to get too political at this point. I have enough going on! Thx for the well wishes and have a blessed Easter.

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