When relatives who haven't visited in decades suddenly visit
When my father was diagnosed with PD-like illness last year I sent a note to one of my father's cousins, who lives far away, letting her know about his declining health and general situation. We are not close, we've talked on the phone once or twice in 20 years and I doubt she could name any of my father's grandkids. I know they were close when they were kids but since then I think they talk infrequently ie on birthdays and he's met her kids twice. She decided to fly in for a visit -- for one day. She is bringing her children who are in their 20s. I do not think she is prepared to see how debilitated he is, how they live in a totally inappropriate setting with tons of stairs, hazards and mess, and to be around my mother who is, ahem, difficult, as in illogical, angry, confused, and stressed. (What happens when someone who probably has early dementia attempts 24/7 caregiving and refuses help.) My mother has always despised my father's relatives and is convinced the cousin is coming to town to take my father's money. Sigh.
1. What activities should I plan? I have to keep these people from sitting around and getting on each other's nerves. I'm not sure going out to eat will work. My father has trouble eating and drops a ton of food and, of course, will not use modified plates or silverware that would be a huge help. My mother sometimes gets angry at him for being messy and that is so upsetting. Right now I am thinking about a "city tour" bus or maybe some kind of matinee performance.
2. Should warn the cousin of what to expect if she visits them at their home? Thankfully they're going to stay in a hotel.