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My 89 year old fathers' behavior has gotten worse. He has a very unhealthy obsession with my sister. If I or anyone else gets close to her he becomes insanely jealous. It does not matter who it is. Me, my other siblings, my children. He will get extremely upset. I cannot take it anymore. Within the past month alone, he has gotten into VERY Heated verbal confrontations with myself, my sister and brother. My children have wound up crying over these incidents. On Monday, I nearly had a nervous break down after an argument with him. Everyone threatens to "have him evaluated" but no one does anything about it.
It seems like all we do is threaten in the situation, myself included. On Monday I screamed into the phone at my siblings that if they did not do something about him immediately that I would leave. Nothing has been done. It make me wonder, if I really did leave if they would finally take action. Im not working from home anymore and I am earning more money. (Still not enough to get any apartment where I live).
His behavior could be due to dementia but honestly, I remember him acting this way from the time I was little. If he does have Dementia, what can be done ? Although he can do things on his own in terms of taking care f himself, I think he should be in an Assisted Living Facility. At home, he sits on the couch staring at everyone or acting helpless. Yet, he does not want my sister to lift a finger. At this point I cant stand the sight of him.

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I hear you about the arguing. Im not making excuses but unless you have walked a mile in our shoes and have felt the sheer frustration...my siblings and I are not argumentative by nature. Nor would I say we are immature. Perhaps my writing comes across that way. We wait on Dad hand and foot. We try our best to make his surroundings comfortable and enjoyable. But we walk on egg shells not knowing when the next explosion will take place. It could be over as something as simple as a phone call from a wrong number. That could set off a whole day of chaos. I appreciate everyone's input.
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I agree that he needs for his doctor to know about his symptoms. Arguing, begging or pressuring a person who has mental decline is not wise. And it isn't very effective. A more informed and mature approach would be in order, IMO. The squabbling you describe is troublesome. Even if he was problematic years ago, that was then, this is now. I would try to get him help for what he has now and let go of the past.

Obsessions are a common thing with dementia. My loved one was obsessed with her cat. She would not let the cat out of her sight. She worried constantly about the cat. She was terrified the cat would escape from the house through a hole the size of a key hole. It caused her great pleasure, but also great distress. Nothing would dissuade her from her obsession. It was caused by her dementia. She received medical treatment, went on medication for her anxiety and lost her cat obsession.

Whatever is going on with dad, I would think a medical opinion would be in order. I would take care to have a professional diagnose him.
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Too, I'll repeat, for your siblings' benefit; your father needs professional caregivers, who are being supervised by a medical professional. He most likely also needs psychiatric meds. I would try hard to provide support from a distance.
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We do have a daytime caregiver. My sister and brother pay for it. The caregiver does not have a license, she is a friend of a close friend of my brother. She is a good caregiver . She makes healthy meals for Dad, keeps his clothing clean accompanies him to the doctor. However she uses the situation to her advantage. Playing off the fact that Dad thinks he 's "ln love with her" She feels she runs the show. He buys her things to keep her happy etc. Its just a real mess.
I was working from home but it became too difficult to concentrate and deal with Dad drama at the same time. So now Im out of the house all day and that is at least some relief. Thank you all for being supportive and informative.
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Mental illness is real and crippling. Mental illness and dementia together equal a patient who needs professional caregivers.

You should not be caring for him alone. Your siblings may be in deep denial, or they may simply be ignorant that these are not normal behaviors.
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Hi Sendme2Help. my sister is older than me. We are both adults .As I mentioned, she lives ten minutes away. The medicine he gets is for both his heart and blood pressure. Im not trying to sound cruel, but I dont think this has a large percentage to do with his medication or a physical ailment. He has always been like this. He may have early stage dementia though.
Veste fans, on Monday I said those exact words although very tearfully and hysterical over the phone, "If something is not done immediately I will leave.." I dont know why my siblings think talking to Dad is going to do any good for more than a week. Most of his behavioral episodes stem from his obsession with my sister. For instance if she goes on a trip, he gets angry. If anyone talks to her without him being present, he gets paranoid and upset.
Im glad to be able to talk to you all and to receive affirmation that this is serious I think it is too. Most everyone else brushes it off as "he's just old", "he just misses your Mom..".
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Let the consequences fall where they may.
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You say that you are administering his medications. Do you know what they are, what are the side effects?
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Good luck to you with your issues.
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You state that your father has a very unhealthy obsession with your sister.

You do not say which sister, if she is an adult, teen, child.
You do not explain. Maybe you cannot say anymore than you have said.
What does unhealthy mean? And why don't you remove her and any children from the household until you all figure out Dad's problem?
What is missing here?
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